Friday, February 23, 2007

Best-Weight-Loss-Ever Flu

I'm on Day 4 of what I'm calling the "best-weight-loss-ever" flu. Over the past four days I have managed to hold down 12 soda crackers, 6 Nice biscuits, 4 pieces of toast, 2 bananas, 1 can of vegetable soup and 2 eggs. I figure that's about 1500 calories tops. Just think how svelte I could be if only everything I ate made me feel like yakking. I'm going to patent this flu and make a fortune...I think...

The side effect of my severely decreased caloric intake of course is that I'm having trouble forming complete sentences, walking in a straight line, being alert for more than 5 mintues, supporting the weight of my own giant head, being nice to anybody, hiding my disdain for people who shouldn't know I disdain them, having facial expressions, bathing without injury, safely operating a motor vehicle, recognizing loved ones, and correctly identifying myself on the phone.

But every diet plan has side effects, right?

Wednesday, February 21, 2007


I was going to post a blogupdate with revealing photos from Breakfast Bash 2007. Unfortunatley, someone only sent me photos where I look mildly retarded and I'm unwilling to post those.

I cannot do blowjob lips, that's for sure.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Breakfast Blow Out!

Wow, that was fast. Megan and I clearly need to be some sort of party-planners. I'm sorry the other ladies didn't get any input...oh wait, no I'm not. I'm a very controlling person.

Picture this: 5 ladies in their pajamas. I assume MegaNude will be sporting the shorty robe and I plan to wash Big Blue in anticipation of her appearance in formal company. I'm really hoping the twins will sport matching full suit 'jams of some kind. Hard-to-nickname friend doesn't get a cute costume description because she doesn't read my blog.

Our main course will be pancakes ('nude swears she won't serve us the burnt/raw cakes of yore). I'm thinking about supplementing with eggs, muffins, fruits and other assorted breakfasty delicacies. Our beverages of choice will be the Brown Cow (it doesn't get more breakfast-y than kahlua and milk if you really think about it) or the Mimosa.

In addition to our gigalo, our main entertainment will be Breakfast at Tiffany's, The Breakfast Club, and Breakfast on Pluto. Only one of these movies involves a transvestite cabaret singer.

Yeah, I hear what you're saying. We could just go to ye olde pubbe and grab a pint, but that's not really an event is it?? No my friend, it is not. They'll be talking about Breakfast Blow Out 2007 for years to come. What's that? Who will be talking about it? Well never mind that...details, details. I'm sure someone will be talking about it. Right?



Girl's Night

I'm trying to plan this girl's night for this Friday and I'm struggling. I feel like we need a theme and since Kim shot down our "movies that move us by showing people overcoming obstacles through dance" theme I just don't know what to do. I've got a line on a cute gigalo that could keep us occupied all night long, but again, I feel like Kim might shoot that down as well. (He's really reasonably priced too! If you're one of those awkwardley old virgins give me a call and I'll hook you up...special discount for you!)

Girls? Any thoughts?

Thursday, February 08, 2007

Take the Hint?

What's worse than waiting outside in the cold for 45 minutes for a bus? Waiting outside in the cold for 45 mintues for a bus and having 3 seperate people try to have conversations with you even though you're listening to an iPod and reading a book. Here is a bold likeness of my third stranger conversation:

Stranger: Do you know what bus goes up to Westbrook?
Me: No
Stranger: oh.....have you lived in Calgary long?
Me: Yup
Stranger: oh.....I've noticed that people in Calgary don't know where stuff is...(nervous laugh)
Me: Uh-huh
Stranger: yeah, I ask them but they don't know...(long rant about people not being able to give directions followed by longer rant about bus drivers not knowin' nuttin' about nuttin') know?
Me: uh, yeah. (pointedly) I actually make it a point not to talk to strangers.
Stranger: I'm going to purposefully overlook your quasi-polite suggestion that I move along and instead will continue to babble to you about the unfriendliness of Calgarians.
Me: yeah. I'm not comfortable talking to you so I'm going to take 5 small steps away from you now. take the hint?
Stranger: Why do you keep moving away from me as if you're uncomfortable talking to me?

At this point I pulled out my nunchuks and beat the man to death.

I'm not a very friendly person.

Monday, February 05, 2007


In an attempt to kick February off with a bang, I attended Dirty Laundry's 24-hour soap-a-thon this weekend. I only managed to watch 16.5 hours but Mr. Rose was a trooper and managed to be the only audience member that lasted for the whole 24 hours. I don't know how he does the things he does.

The overall audience attendance was a bit poor. I think part of the trouble was that the performers were faltering in the afternoon of Day2. People joining in at that point would have maybe stayed if the show was engaging. The major plotlines had fallen apart though when most of the major characters had left (it picked up again when they returned at the end). I also wasn't a big fan of the Day 2 director, she just doesn't have the same kind of energy and seems to miss out on giving the show the flow it needs.

I really like the concept of the show though, and I was totally impressed that 3 of the actors stayed in for the full 24 hours. And really, overall, I was laughing for at least 10 of those 16.5 hours. What more could I ask for in a weekend?

I hope they do it again next year! Perhaps they just need to recruit a few more people to bulk the numbers up a bit on stage. They could also probably do a bit more work on promoting the event. I think Mr. Rose and I decided that the pricing strategy was a major problem. It was unclear and seemed to discourage people from just dropping in for a few hours.

Oh Dirty Laundry, how I've missed you. Sunday nights just haven't been the same.