Friday, February 23, 2007

Best-Weight-Loss-Ever Flu

I'm on Day 4 of what I'm calling the "best-weight-loss-ever" flu. Over the past four days I have managed to hold down 12 soda crackers, 6 Nice biscuits, 4 pieces of toast, 2 bananas, 1 can of vegetable soup and 2 eggs. I figure that's about 1500 calories tops. Just think how svelte I could be if only everything I ate made me feel like yakking. I'm going to patent this flu and make a fortune...I think...

The side effect of my severely decreased caloric intake of course is that I'm having trouble forming complete sentences, walking in a straight line, being alert for more than 5 mintues, supporting the weight of my own giant head, being nice to anybody, hiding my disdain for people who shouldn't know I disdain them, having facial expressions, bathing without injury, safely operating a motor vehicle, recognizing loved ones, and correctly identifying myself on the phone.

But every diet plan has side effects, right?

2 comments:

Andrasta said...

I think you're on to something. This flu of your's could take out tapeworms and the cabbage soup diet. The world as we know it will never be the same.

Meg said...

It's okay, Amanda, I've been eating your share of the food for you.