Sunday, June 17, 2007

Famous Couples in Literature Part 1

Famous Couples in Literature
Part 1 of however many I get around to writing

Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy (as realized by Colin Firth, of course)

I'm convinced that these two are actually the pinnacle of romantic couples. There is nothing that is not perfect about their relationship.

Firstly, as with any good love story, they must overcome obstacles. Now, admittedly, his obstacle is that he's a jerk. He would be difficult to like if he wasn't so deliciously handsome and British. Her obstacle is ultimately a failing of character as well. Why on earth does she believe what Wickham tells her about Mr. Darcy? She's inclined to believe him because he's all smiles and based on nothing else really, and that's just being stupid.

Secondly, they fall in love early but don't realize it, mistaking their passion for hatred. They think they hate each other but that's just the fire. You can tell that when they do get together it's going to be hot, hot, hot. And hotness is a big factor in the perfect couple. When all is said and done every other character will have a dull sex life. Most of the other couples don't really like each other and that's guaranteed bad sex, or like Jane they are gently in love and will have sweet, boring sex for the rest of their lives. Mr. Darcy and Ms. Bennet are going to be mad, passionate, animals in bed. They will devour each other, the verbal foreplay itself would be a site to be seen. Seriously. Hot.

Thirdly, now that they've overcome some obstacles they can undergo a change. Ultimately Mr. Darcy's change is the pinnacle of sexy. We see him back on his home estate where he is actually, shock, relaxed. In this moment we realize he is the perfect dichotomous man. He is the stiff, formal, British gentleman....but he's also a caring, kind, open man. Here is a man you take out in public and who will be perfectly acceptable in polite company; then he will take you home, rip off your petticoats and have you in a hot scene by your estate's lake.

Fourthly, and sometimes the most difficult step. This is certainly where most modern romances fail. You are now required to pine for your love. You must have a moment of realization but before you can act on it another obstacle is thrown in your path. This is critical now...the obstacle cannot be something that will affect your love. You can't, for example, have the obstacle be that he buys your bookstore and bulldozes it to build a giant chain bookstore...that is an insurmountable obstacle and that guy is a jackass. No, your obstacle can be a ruined sister though. Why? Because Mr. Darcy has already come to terms with his faults. He underwent "the change" and so the obstacle becomes immaterial to him. His only concern now is to perform the grand gesture and wait for the love to come rolling in. But a key factor is that time must be allowed to pass here. Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy are apart for several weeks after they discover their love, this allows us the time to yearn for their coming together. Very clever Jane Austen, very clever.

And finally, the love comes together. Ideally this should happen at the very last moment possible. Ideally we don't see any sex. It's nigh impossible to capture the perfect sex this perfect couple will be having and therefore we shouldn't even try. We do require a kiss of course and that has to be hot, hotter, hottest. We need to be left with the perfect couple riding away into the horizon leaving our brains working overtime to fill in the gaps of this perfect couples lives together.

Just to recap, we've got the 5 steps to forming the perfect couple:
1. Overcome Obstacles
2. Feel the Passion
3. Undergo a Change
4. Pine for your Love
5. Surrender to your Love

Of course there are many types of romance couples, I'm not sure how many but I'm sure it's less than 5. I feel like Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennet really are the top of the heap but you may disagree.

Up lovers (yup, they'll end up dead fo' shoo')


Meg said...

I've never read that book, did you know that? Nor have I seen the fabulous Colin Firth adaptation.

But now I'm definitely, absolutely, positively going to.

Pretty lady come sit on couch and watch with me? Yes?

Lady Rose said...

yes. pretty lady watches pretty man with you. yes. summertime fun with pretty man. yes?

Meg said...

yes, pretty man make sexy time in small body of water, yes?

RostockRose said...


Lady Rose said...

he doesn't even have time to stop into the pub! They have to bring his beverage out to him!!!

Meg said...

I really, really, really need to see this.

Saturday cannot come soon enough!

Meg said...


Oh, Mister Darcy!