Friday, November 02, 2007

Top 5 List #4

Top 5 things to do with a Friday afternoon off:

5. Napping – right? Because who doesn’t love a little disco nap before heading out on the town on a Friday night. And then you have time to eat and shower and generally beautify without feeling rushed. So this one is really only good for people who go out on the town on a Friday night.

4. Chores – because everyone hates doing chores on the weekend. But a Friday afternoon off is like free time. Scrub that bathroom, do those dishes, mop that floor…and then be done for the weekend. Ah, satisfying…and yet, highly unlikely to actually occur in the real world.

3. Extra-Marital Affair – I mean, holy convenient Batman. Hubby’s at work, you’re not…what better opportunity to get a little on the side. Only problem, you don’t really get that many Friday afternoons off. How easy is it to find a 3-times a year afternoon lover?

2. Masturbating – because who has the time on a day to day basis? Not me certainly. But a Friday afternoon off allows you the freedom to really take your time with things, you know? Really slow things down and maybe get to know yourself a little better.

1. Drinking and/or Drugs – Because when you’ve got 4 hours to kill what could be better than kicking back with Dirty Dancing and few cold brewskis. Or your crack pipe. I mean, nothing else is going on right?

3 comments:

Kevin said...

Top 5 Top 5 lists:

5. - Top 5 List #5.
Since it doesn't exist, it's only humane to put it here. Otherwise, I'd be suggesting that writing nothing at all was more interesting than the other lists, and that's hardly the mesage I want to send, now is it?

4. Top 5 List #1.
Firstly, top n movie lists are done to death these days. Secondly, I don't really care about dance movies, obstacles overcome or not. And finally, the fine art of "erotic dance" was left out; who can forget Showgirls, where the career obstacle of being a former child star from a third-rate sitcom with modest acting talent was overcome with dancing naked? Plus this list was prefaced with a promise that would be broken within 24 hours.

3. Top Five List #3.
A little inside-jokey for one, but most notably, it has sort of lacklustre pacing. Following four short lines with a long one is often a good choice, but the long one here is simply too long. It winds up dragging in the middle, particularly since it doesn't build high enough stakes; it's offensive to say, but not hilariously so. This rant would work much better in person, with an increasingly hysterical tone, but that just can't translate to the screen. If the long quote can't be trimmed down, I think better comic timing would have come from moving the whole screed to item #2, and then putting something very short and punchy in at #1, something like: "Leave me the fuck alone, shitbreathing assbag."

2. Top Five List #4.
It's hard to rank the top two Top Five Lists; they both are centred on a "Things To Do" motif, they both contain amusing commentary, and they both cheat by cramming an and/or (obviously two items) in one slot. They're also both missing the obvious option of taking a good book (I'm currently reading a page-turner on Agile Software Development) into a nice warm bubble bath (Vanilla & Almond, natch) with a pot of hot stovetop chai and some relaxing music. I was tempted to rank Top Five List #4 ahead of #2, because #4 doesn't contain a broken promise, but ultimately the cynicism of Top Five List #2 won me over.

1. Top Five List #2
There's one single list entry that really makes this my favourite, and it's 2; Casual Sex. The cynical backstabbing approach here is classic Amanda, the sort of thing we love to hear.

Meg said...

Does this list compare to things to do on a Monday off?

Meg said...

You have been le tagged.