Tuesday, December 18, 2007

A Religious Experience

I’ve discovered this year…or perhaps I’ve always known…that the Christmas tree is the closest I come to a religious experience. I love everything about the process.

I love going to tree lot and making Jon hold up a series of trees for me to consider. I take the choosing of a tree very seriously. I’m looking for something specific (which is why Jon has to hold up so many options). Obviously we must first cover the tree fundamentals: size, shape, and breed. I’m very partial to the Charlie Brown breed of Christmas trees. I don’t like long needles or trees that are too full. But aside from those details the tree needs to have some personality to it. For example, my tree this year can be likened to a fat-bottomed girl. I love her even if she takes up a bit too much space.

Then I love it when Jon brings up all the tree decorations. Admittedly I love that because those boxes are heavy and I don’t like doing it myself. But then I love unpacking everything. I’ve inevitably bought something new the year before and I’m always so surprised to find it in there. This year I had clear lights. My coloured lights of previous years were a patched up set of hand-me-down lights that were starting to lose their sparkle. They now festoon my cubelette and my tree is aglow with bright new clear lights.

Then, once the tree is festooned with glitter, I love to sit next to it. I just love it. I plug it in as soon as I get home and I try to be as close to it as possible all night. However stressed out I am about cleaning my house before Christmas or finding the time to make three trifles all that just melts away when I’m next to the tree. It’s like a portable spa. With less rubbing, obviously.

Ah, Christmas. Don’t you just love it?

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Dear Mr. Firth

Dear Mr. Firth,

First, let me start off by saying that I have always considered myself a fan. Sure, a lot of your characters are quite similar but I imagine it’s difficult for you to break out of that typecasting. You’ve got to go where the money is, right?

That being said….I have a request. Now you now how much we love your Darcy characters. I mean your Mr. Darcy in the BBC miniseries of Pride and Predjudice was so spot on it’s nearly impossible to read that book now without imagining you as Mr. Darcy. Just for a little contrast here I can barely conjure up an image of the girl who played Elizabeth. She was really just okay. And the actress who played Jane? Let’s be honest with ourselves…not pretty. And I’m not just saying that all actresses have to be beautiful…but her character is described as the beautiful sister. So unless it’s some sort of “British thing”, um…no.

But I digress. In addition to your wondrous performance as Jane Austen’s Mr. Darcy, you have provided us with several other memorable romantic characters. Yes, yes, you play the villain now and again but Bridget Jones’ Mark Darcy? That character was so unbelievably swoon-worthy that it wiped the rest of your repertoire off the map.

Which brings me to the point. I hate to do this Colin, I can call you Colin can’t I? What I would like to ask is if you could please consider…thinking about…well, stopping.

I know, I know. It’s a huge favor to ask. It’s just that…well, I for one can’t take it anymore. You are too perfect. Mark Darcy is the ultimate man. Tall, handsome, gentleman-like manners, sensitive, sweet smile, yummy accent. Now if that wasn’t bad enough, add in great kisser and an implied fantastic lover.

Now please tell me Mr. Firth, how is a regular guy supposed to compete with that? That’s right, there is no competition.

So what I was hoping is that you could just dial it down a notch. Just a notch. Don’t turn it right off or anything but just key it down. Throw some bad acting in, or pronounce a couple of words in a really obnoxious manner, develop a lazy eye, something, anything!

I and women everywhere will thank you.

Love and Kisses,