Monday, December 29, 2008

blah blah blah

In theory I don't go back to work for another 10 days. In reality I have a few small tasks that need to be done this week so as to not mess everything up 10 days from now. But whatever my intentions may have been on December 23rd, you should know that I'm terrible at working once I'm not at work. So, don't believe me when I say things like "I want to work from home" because I think that's just code for "I don't want to work again, ever" or "My boss is a douche and I don't want to speak with him again, ever".

So rather than playing with all my tantilizing toys, here I sit. At my computer. I'm not actually working, lord no. I'm avoiding the actually working by catching up on blog reading. But I finished much too quickly so here I am wasting my time (and yours).

dum de dum dum dum de dum.

soooooooooooooo, crazy weather we've been having eh?

remember that time we made those cookies and they didn't turn out right? that was hilarious.

how's work going with you?

what's the weather like in [insert your home city here] this time of year?

(sorry, just a flashback to one of the most boring extended family Christmases I've ever had. People over 45 are laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame.)

Fuck it. I'm going to Rock.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

2008 - An Early Wrap Up

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Successfully had my picture taken with Mickey Mouse.

2. Did you keep your New Years Resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t think I had a New Years Resolution

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Actually close? No. But several cousins did produce offspring.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Actually close? No. Distant uncles and even more distant cousins with odd and very tragic stories involving apartment balconies.

5. What countries did you visit?
Just the US. What?! It’s only the second time I’d been there. They are our neighbours!

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A boss who isn’t a douche.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 21. The day I started my new and ultimately awesome job, despite the douche. I’m a communications professional don’t you know.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Convincing other people that I’m a communications professional. :) Or kicking that nasty habit, again.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Failing, yet again, to become slender.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Some colds, some flus, some aching back. Man I’m gettin’ old.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My house.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
I will celebrate Jon’s behaviour. Right at this exact moment he’s washing floors so I feel like he deserves some celebration.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
A certain douche. No, not the boss, yet another douche. Sure he smells good, I bet the devil smells good too, but if you get close up you might just catch the whiff of pathetic underlying it all.

14. Where did most of your money go?
My house.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Mickey!!! 1

6. What song will always remind you of 2008?
I’m On My Way by the Proclaimers. I’m on my way from misery to happiness today…

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a. more happy or more sad?
Infinitely more happy in that I’m still employed.
b. thinner or fatter?
Same I think.
c. richer or poorer?
Same I think. But with a vastly increased debt load. Does that make me poorer? I guess so.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
All those things I always say I’ll do: learn another language, finish reading Dante’s Divine Comedy, play the piano every day.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Feeling blue. Punishing myself endlessly for my mistakes.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Christmas Eve with the in-laws. Christmas morning at my mom’s. Christmas dinner at my aunt’s. Boxing Day having a Rock Band-athon and making a stop action film with the bro.

21. What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in 2007?
Crying at work.

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I think I have already fallen.

23. How many one-night stands?
Does rolling over and falling asleep without snuggling my spouse count?

24. What was your favorite tv program?
This was a big tv year for me, relatively. Doctor Who, Battlestar Galactica, HIMYM, and Weeds top the list.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nah, I think I always hated that guy.

26. What was the best book you read?
What is the What by Dave Eggers.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Last Shadow Puppets

28. What did you want and get [in general]?
A job I like and find challenging, a home that I own (well, will own eventually), a medium weight winter jacket.

29. What did you want and not get?
A European vacation, a boss I like, sweet mandarin oranges.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Mamma Mia

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 30. My birthday was spent at the happiest place on earth. Mickey waffles were eaten, photo ops with characters were had, unfortunate rashes were discovered.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A gazillion dollars for just being my awesome self.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
T-shirt or sweater and jeans. I’ve been rocking this look since the late 80’s.

34. What kept you sane?
My spouse, my close friends, vodka.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

36. Who do you miss?

37. What political issue stirred you the most?
I try not to get stirred by politics.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Howie, my gay boyfriend.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008?
Don’t drink until you black out. Bad things happen.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Cell Phone

There are very few times in my life where I wish I had a cell phone. This, tragically, is one of those times. Or rather, I wish my spouse had a cell phone. But then really both of us need a cell phone and the cost just seems a waste and oy!

Here I sit. The last person to leave the office. It has been 90 minutes since I last spoke with Mr. Rose. He was leaving work an hour early to come pick me up so that I wouldn't have to fight the inevitable horror that is our public transit system on a snowy day.

Can I be honest with you here? The roads don't even look that bad to me. I mean, yeah, it's snowing. But it snows here all the time. We're used to things being a bit slippy. We should be competent winter drivers. It's not like there's heavily falling snow right at this exact moment.

Earlier in the day the media told us to BEWARE!!! Winter storm conditions. HUGE blizzard, etc. Let's put aside the fact that 10 - 15 centimeters is really not that bad. 6 inches will what? Cover my ankles? Damped the hem on my jeans? But let's even assume that 15 centimeters of snow in our arctic desert is even an issue. Let's just assume.

I'm looking down now and I'm seeing maybe an inch on the ground. Plus some small, blowing flakes?

So is there really a panic? Or were we just told there was reason for panic so often that we created a panic.

I do wish I had that cellphone though. Guess I should have listened to all those ads telling me that it was what I needed in my life.

Friday, December 05, 2008


So I checked with my 16 year old cousin today and apparently douche is still an "in" word. Or it was out and now it's back in again. Either way, I feel safely hip using it.

I bring up douchbaggery because, well this might be obvious, I have a douchebag in my life. A douche I can't get rid of.

It drives me mad people!! Mad I say!!

Tips, tricks, strategies for dealing with near daily douchery? Anything? I'm dying over here. I will snap one day and attempt to slap the douche right out of him if someone doesn't intervene.

Also, I'm going to an office Christmas party tonight. And not my fun-loving, sexually liberated office. A dry, conservative, uptight office filled with engineers. Pity me.

Monday, December 01, 2008

Belt Tightening

I just bought tickets to the Nutcracker. Shitty second balcony tickets. But for $25 who's complaining? Aren't we supposed to be tightening our belts this Christmas anyways?

Is anyone tightening their belts? Or does anyone like me feel absolutely no change in their day-to-day lifestyle because of the current "economic crisis". Seriously, nothing. Absolutely nothing is different about my life.

I'll admit that my RRSP statement is sad. It goes up once a month when my automatic withdrawal goes in. Then it slowly edges down as the month goes by. Am I worried? Uh, no. I'm 30. My spouse is 35. We've got at least 20 years to make it back. Plus I'm buying units of something. So right now I'm buying units at a great price, way more of them then when the market was up. So when things recover I'll suddenly own a bunch of units of something worth more than when I bought it. Seems fair to me.

I mean, as fair as money can be. Which is not very fair. No matter how much I like my job I still feel enslaved by the concept of money. But what would life be if I had nothing to complain about? Which I imagine is what it's like to be wealthy on old money. A life with nothing to complain about. I'm sure I'd just waste it anyways.

Christmas Countdown!!!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

A Pre-New Years Resolution

Obviously I don't ever stick with my New Year's Resolutions. And who does really? Uh yeah, no one. I mean I'm eating chips right now and I'm fairly certain eating less junk was last years resolution. Oh chips, why you gotta be so tasty?

Okay, that was a lie. I'm not actually eating chips right now. I'm just thinking about buying chips in a vending machine dangerously close to my current position. I just figured I would tell you I was eating chips to make a humorous point. How very small and sad my world is.

So I think weekly posts will be my pre-new years resolution. Perhaps if I start well in advance of the new year I will stick to it!

Is anyone else waiting for 2008 to just be over already? I've been up, I've been down...I'm exhausted. Just be over, please? Hurry up 2009 and get here already.

I mean, the world has changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost....

what? too epic? fair enough.

Reason I love living in Calgary #1: This morning it was -10 with a cold, harsh, biting wind from the north. This evening it was -1 with a lovely gentle westerly breeze. Ahhhhhhhh. Suck on that Edmonton.

Friday, October 24, 2008

A quiz or cement shoes. take your pick.

I think when Megan punched me that means that I'm supposed to do this quiz. But it's so hard to keep up with the young folk and their techno babble these days. It could also have meant that I was supposed to meet her down at the docks and that I was responsible for bringing the cement shoes.

5 things I was doing 10 years ago:
1. Getting drunk on weeknights, skipping classes, crushing on hipster doofuses. Generally being a second year university student.
2. Working in the paint department of ye olde home improvement store.
3. Rocking the school girl mini, grandpa plaid top, converse sneakers "style".
4. Avoiding picking a major.
5. Choreographing elaborate dances to the musical genius of Aqua, the Spice Girls and the Backstreet Boys. (you got a problem with that?)

5 things on my to do list today:
1. Clean the bathroom.
2. Admire new curtains.
3. Practice piano.
4. Organize bedroom closet.
5. Cook real food for dinner.

5 snacks that I love:
1. yogurt covered raisins
2. Nachos with sour cream
3. Ambrosia or Honey Crisp apples
4. those sweet and salty granola bars
5. ripple chips with dip

5 things I would do if I was a millionaire :
1. Pay off mortgage.
2. Buy a Toyota Prius.
3. Take month-long vacation in Greece.
4. Buy something designer
5. Lose 50 pounds (I'm sure it's easier when you're wealthy...right?)

5 places I've lived:
1. The wee house in Mountview
2. The Crowded House in Dalhousie
3. Bangkok, Oriental setting where the city don't know what the city is getting
4. Chez Chapmaneroniopolous in Bridgeland
5. The new wee house in Tuxedo

5 jobs I've had:
1. Box Office Bitch for local pro theatre company
2. Communications Assistant (i.e. proof this document for me English Speaker!) at education-based NGO in Southeast Asia
3. Box office, communications, office management, a little dash of everything for local theatre company
4. The job for the awful company working for that awful bitch whose name shall not be revealed but ultimately ended a 5 year stint of working in the arts (that's some serious awful)
5. Communications Coordinator for a health services non-profit organization

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Highlights and Lowlights

There is nothing so satisfying as a vacation. But, as with all vacations, there are always ups and downs. And so here you will find a selection of highlights and lowlights of my recent vacation.


1. Disneyland on my birthday! I got to wear a special Happy Birthday button which meant that every Disney employee within a 10 foot radius was required to wish me happy birthday. I thought it would start to irritate me, but it didn't. I even got birthday wishes from 2 of 3 fairy godmothers in the parade!

2. California Screamin. I'm usually just so-so on rollercoasters but this one is awesome. I enjoyed it several times.

3. Photos with characters. Last time we went to Disneyland we had to chase those damn characters down and barely got any pictures. This time I got Micky and Minnie, Mary Poppins, one of the chipmunks, the Beast and Winnie the Pooh!

4. Feeling thin! If you want to feel thin and beautiful, Disney is the place for you! I have never in my life seen so many overweight people in one place. This one could actually go under lowlights as well because it was kind of sad.

5. Outlet Mall shopping. God Bless America and it's conspicuous consumerism. Bath and Bodyworks products to last a lifetime? Bring it on! Three designer (well, if you consider Tommy a "designer") sweaters for under a hundred bucks? Yes please! A satisfying day of shopping indeed!

6. All the Mexican food a girl could want. With the lack of any decent Mexican restaurant in Calgary I was worried that my Mexican palate would be stunted. Thank you San Diego for reawakening my taste buds to the joys of Mexican cuisine.

7. Splash Mountain. Sure we were wet, cold, angry, and had a definite funk to us...but those are memories that last a lifetime.


1. Random hip pain. How old was I turning again? Surely not old enough to be experiencing random hip pain.

2. L.A. - what a gross, gross city. or perhaps just poorly planned thus stranding us in a gross, gross part of the city. But even the "nice" parts we saw from the bus...not so nice. It is unclear to me why people would choose to live in Beverly Hills.

3. A surprise trip to Lady Mountain.

4. Splash Mountain. Come on! We were wet, cold, and angry. Nobody likes wet panties!! Plus there was that suspicious rash that developed...

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Lunch Meetings and Why I Hate Them

There is nothing I hate more than lunch meetings. Why do I hate lunch meetings? Because they suck. *whine* Lunch time is time for a break. You may even call your lunch "time" your lunch "break". I certainly do.

I'm not a doctor or a lawyer or a CEO or even a VP. Do you know what this means? This means I get a lunch break. Not a lunch where I have to continue being in a meeting. Just because there is food present doesn't mean it's less of a meeting. I'm still meeting. Now I'm just meeting with fries. Which are delicious, I will admit. And my lunch gets paid for. Which is quite nice, I'll admit.

But still, not worth it. I would rather pay $7 for my own shitty sub (and no fries!) made with potentially tainted meats while eating in a grubby uncomfortable booth next to a smelly "residentially challenged" man.

I need a break!! Yes, I had a lunch. But I did not have the aforementioned "break".


yes, this is the most interesting thing I have to write about. back off!

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Growing Up

I guess I won't really start hyperventilating until tomorrow. Because we have to fill out a bunch of paperwork before the offer actually goes in. But I have started the process of making the most expensive purchase of my life.


I'm not sure if I'm ready for this. I'm not sure I'm grown up enough to be a home owner. what if something goes wrong? I can't fix things. Once I pay for the house will I have enough money to pay people to fix things?


Do I know how to best lay out furniture in a narrow living room? Can I deal with really tall pine trees in my front yard? If I don't like said tall pine trees what do I do about them? Can you make trees go away? Are there tree guys who deal with that shit? Do things grow under pine trees? Can I plant shade plants in pots?


I'm turning 30.

I think I'll start hyperventilating now.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

You Think You Know Someone

So at book club this week while discussing the immortal genius that is Dave Eggers we sidelined into a disucssion about how well you really know people. Kathleen held the position (to which most agreed) that perhaps you never really know another person. I agreed at the time but was musing over this statement later. And ultimately I decided that it was untrue. Because, I decided, I know my spouse.

And not just in the biblical sense. zing!

But seriously. I know what he likes/doesn't like. I can predict how he'll react to stimulus (and not just in the biblical sense!). I can tell when his mood shifts. I know the activities most likely to draw him out of a funk or draw him deeper into a funk when he really just wants to funk. (and not I thought the third time might be the charm. ok then.)

Dreams, desires, goals, ambitions, irritants, preferences. Past, present, future. I know this man.

And then he told me he didn't like the song Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison.

So I guess you're right after all Kathleen. You can never really know someone else.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

You Know Nothing

I'm reading A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius (again) for my book club this month. There's this section in his faux Real World interview where he's admitting these things about himself that most people would consider very private or at least too private to reveal to the general public. And when the interviewer questions him he responds with:

"What am I giving you? I am giving you nothing...It seems like you know something, but you still know nothing...You have what I can afford to give. You are a panhandler, begging for anything, and I am the man walking briskly by, tossing a quarter or so into your paper cup. I can afford to give you this. This does not break me."

If I've ever heard a better justification for blogging I can't remember it. There's this tone...this idea...that I can give of myself freely and that you are a fool for thinking that you know know nothing.

And it's not just blogging, it's a lifestyle choice. The choice to lay yourself bare, to live, to allow yourself to do something other than sit on your ass and watch hours of Tivo'd crap, to do something...anything. At the end of it all, don't you want to have something to remember? If you were so careful and so guarded and so fucking boring and if you never made mistakes or did something stupid or revelled in your stupid mistakes...will you have experienced life? Or will you find that you have lived a boring sitcom of a life with a stilted laugh track and banal guest stars?

A List of Things you may or may not know about me (an homage to Meganude)

1. when dining solo, I feel that Kraft Dinner is a well balanced meal
2. I am judging you for wasting your life
3. sometimes I worry that I am wasting my life
4. I feel better about myself when I realize how much more sad your life is than mine
5. I will leave one cookie in the bag so that I don't have to put in the enormous amount of effort required to throw away an empty cookie bag and I do this in spite of the fact that my brother did the same thing throughout our childhood and it drove me completely mad
6. I hog the bed
7. when I find a song I like I will listen to it a dozen times in a row
8. I don't experience regret
9. frankly, I don't even believe in regret
10. I will eat the last piece of cake, even if I've already had more than my share

Sunday, June 22, 2008


There's a post I want to write and then there's this post that I'm going to write. I choose to interpret the fact that I'm not going to semi-publicly kick someone in the balls as a sign of what a wonderful grown-up lady I'm turning into.

Not that he's not a dick. And not that he doesn't deserve to be kicked in said balls. There. I'm over it.

Speaking of balls...what kind of design work is that? I mean, why don't they just live on the inside? They need to be kept warm and really they just seem to get in the way. Could things not have been rearranged just slighty? Think how much sleeker the package would be without those awkward dangly things down there. And how much more comfortable would it be to ride a bicycle? Or get hit in the crotch with a baseball bat!

Yes, I see your point. Then tv shows that we've all come to take for granted, such as America's Funniest Home Videos (does that show still air?), would never have existed.

But surely that's a sacrifice we could have made to ensure that our menfolk wouldn't have to experience the agony of the accidental ball squish as you climb over them to turn off the alarm in the morning.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Sex and the City anyone?

I hope you like my new blog title. I'm going for a cross between screamo angst and yuppie sensibilities. Who doesn't love a bonus room in their overpriced suburban townhouse?

Soooooo. Sex and the City anyone? I was so prepared to be disappointed. But instead I was very pleasantly surprised. Even though the ending was the one I swore I would despise no matter what.

But really, any movie where Charlotte York shits her pants and we get a glimpse of wet, soapy cock is a movie I can get behind.

80's outfit montage? Yes, please.

And a movie about 4 women friends with heavy messaging about forgiveness. hmmm.....topical, yes?

Saturday, May 24, 2008

New Title

I need a new title for my blog. My lack of a quality title is reducing my desire to post. Can someone else please do the work for me and suggest a new title? I can promise a nod of recognition and, if you live in Calgary, a batch of chocolate chip cookies if I use your suggestion.

I make really good cookies.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

My New Job

I think the best part of my new job is that I can spend the better part of my lunch hour discussing the merits of various brands of lube with my Executive Director. At first I thought this might fall into a "too much information" category. After living with it for a few weeks I've decided that it's mostly just refreshing to be with people who can take a refreshingly relaxed view on human sexuality.

Also, I have a new gay boyfriend. I love him. I just want to fold him up and carry him around in my pocket. He makes me a bit sadly nostalgic about my old gay boyfriend. He's definitely lacking the flair for drama that I loved so in my last GBF but he makes up for it with his wide-eyed youthful love of everything in his line of vision.

Plus, he also loves movies where people overcome obstacles through dance. We'll be very happy together.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Five Happy Moments

Oh no. I was doing so well with my weekly Sunday posts. I don't even have a good excuse for not posting. I spent my Sunday doing Sunday activities that clearly could have included a blog post. And to make matters worse? I've logged on to post now without any actual plans on what to say.

I think I'll try to work some positive thinking mojo and share with you five happy moments from my life.

1. Visiting my grandparents in small town Saskatchewan as a child. Particular favorite moments include: visits to the ice cream store with the two kind swirly cone, being dropped off at the air-conditioned library for hours on end, shelling peas with Grandma at the kitchen table.

2. Going to Chiang Mai and area with Mr. Rose. Particular favorite moments include: being chauffeured around to various shops for an entire day, taking a Thai cooking class at a school in a chef's house in the Thai countryside, floating down the river on a bamboo raft.

3. Getting one of two A's in my Strategic Management (really project management) course in the final year of my degree program. Why? Because I rarely put in the effort required to achieve A grades and when I did for once it was nice to be gratified.

4. Saturday night just past. My brother and I were discussing our upcoming trip to Edmonton for a family wedding. Mr. Rose was commenting how nice it was that we were able to go on this road trip together for, you know, sibling bonding and shit. My brother and I locked eyes across the table and both screamed out simultaneously "Meatloaf's Bat Out of Hell". That is the joy of having a sibling. Shared history. In two short weeks the bro and I will be rocking out to Paradise by the Dashboard Light as soon as we hit the city limits.

5. Finally beating the 100 man brawl on Smash Brothers. yeah, that's right.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Busy and Important

It's been quite a change for me this week. For a couple months I've been a lounging lady of leisure and the switch to busy and important lady with actual tasks to complete has not been easy. I've forgotten that working all day makes you tired. And, furthermore, when you work all day you still have to come home and do things like laundry and volunteer committments. I've forgotten how to fit life maintenance around a work schedule.

For example, I need to get a haircut. But since I have to actually be somewhere all day I can't just go and do that whenever I want to. Crazy, I know. So I'm rolling around with ratty, split ended hair and generally looking like a mess.

I tell you, it's almost not worth it. Think how much easier my life would be if I could just go get my hair cut in the middle of the day! Not to mention the grocery shopping, gym visit, lunch dates, well the list goes on and on.

Now, of course, the downside to not working is that I start to lack funding for my lunching, shopping, and styling outings.

I'm just not sure what the solution is here. I'm in a real catch 22. I think my best bet is to try to change Canada into a communist country. I feel that my general awesomeness would be my contribution to society. And in return I would be supplied with all my needs by the state (you know, the usual stuff: manicures, quarterly hair maintenance, yearly shoe allowance, in addition to food and shelter of course).

I think buying lottery tickets is stupid. But this! This is a real plan.

Who's with me?!?!?!?!

Sunday, April 20, 2008

stat counter

A couple months ago I installed a stat counter on my blog. It's such a weird kind of reverse spying. I've managed to identify most of my regular blog checkers. And it's really interesting to see how random people make it onto the blog. A google images search for "landing strip". huh.

I think I didn't have a stat counter for a long time because I didn't really want to know how frequently all y'all were checking out the blogeroo. I have some similar problems with facebook. I don't really like the idea of stalking people with facebook.

Mostly I don't like these things because I think they are difficult to draw conclusions on. What do I really know about you based on what you post on facebook? Or that you check my blog three times a day? Well, for the latter I guess I know that you have too much time on your hands since I am not a regular enough poster to warrant more than one check per day. But really, I don't know anything about you at all. I guess I know something about how you present yourself to the world. But does that mean I can draw conclusions about your true self? Well, I could.....but I doubt their accuracy.

Same goes for this blog really. Do you think you really know me based on what you read here? What exactly are you waiting to see if I post? Most of you are just looking for a good chuckle....but some of you are looking for something else.

I think I'd like to save you the trouble. Because I'm not planning on writing about my innermost fears, worries, and struggles. I have actual real world friends to talk about those things with, I don't really need to post it on my blog for strangers to read.

Please come on back for the good chuckle. I'm an impatient bitch with a shitload of opinions and I will parade them for the amusement of others. True inner turmoil? Sorry, you only get that with me live and in-person.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

My Personal Philosophy

Can you describe your personal philosophy in three bulleted point? I had this come up recently at a job interview. It happens all the time for social services type jobs. For them it's not usually enough that you simply have the skills needed for the job, they really want you to fit in at the orgranization. Even given that I was expecting this question, even given that I've answered varations on this question before; asked in that oh-so blunt of ways I stumbled for a minute.

Because it's hard to sum up what you believe in an interview friendly manner. Made all the more difficult by my beliefs, which I come to think are quite different from most people around me. I think probably the most frustrating part for me is that most others can't even believe me when I tell them snippets of my personal philosophy. Because people, myself included, really struggle with the basic fact that other people aren't the same as you.

This is something I've struggled with for the whole of my adult life. Basically, someone will reveal a piece of information to me. This piece of information is potentially not even that important to this person. But to me it's something that would be very significant. I then extrapolate a whole bunch of things about that person based on how I would feel. Wrong move! I catch myself doing this all the time. And you just can't. People actually don't react to things the same way you do.

It's very difficult. I feel like my default setting is to assume that other people hold the same sort of values I do.

In answer to the interview question I described myself as a "modern hippie". I'm not even sure that that is the right descriptor (it's like I was trying to come up with a label that would fit in a magazine quiz about my personal philosophy).

But how do you answer the question "Who Are You?". Oh, brother...even if we had all the time in the world...

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Gainfully Employed

And in other news....I have a job!


And, even better, is that I have a week and a half before I start being gainfully employed. Ahhhhh, the luxury.


Being a Freak Never Felt So Good

Have you ever had one of those moments where you say something in a group that you think is likely applicable to most humans only to realize that everyone is staring at you clearly horrified by what you've just said? Okay, maybe not horrified...but they clearly think you're a freak.

I had one of those this past weekend. Recently my parents-in-law revealed to me that aside from one single occurrence they have never slept separately while occupying the same house. I thought that was insane. Insane I say! So I relayed this story to my peer group only to have the majority of them look upon me in horror. Sleep apart? How could I suggest such a thing? Was I completely mad? No, of course they never slept apart!! The filth that comes out of my mouth!! Dear god, why are we friends with this woman?!?!?!

Alright, it wasn't so bad as that. But I was definitely left with that feeling....of freakishness. Because Mr. Rose and I sleep separately....I wouldn't say all the time, or regularly....perhaps occasionally is the best word. There are three situations under which my spouse and I part ways for our nocturnal hours:

1. Anger. This has only come up once or twice, because...well, if you know Mr. Rose at all you'll know why. He is not a man quick to anger. He's not even slow to anger. He may just not have any anger at all. But on those occasions where I get fed up with his niceness and patience and general loveability I have been known to camp out on the library futon. You know that saying? Never go to bed angry. Bullshit. I'm way less angry after a good nights sleep. And way more capable of having a reasonable discussion. If I could go back in time and take a nap in the middle of all the fights I've ever been in I'm sure they would have resolved themselves in a more satisfactory manner.

2. Accident. Yes, my spouse likes to stay up late. Sometimes later than I like to stay up. And he likes to stay up doing quiet things so he doesn't "disturb" me (seriously? I almost fell asleep at a rock concert once. I'm very talented that way). And thus, he falls asleep. In some ways this is glorious. I wake in the morning feeling oh so comfortable...because apparently my favoured sleeping position is the starfish. But there is a downside. I frequently think that le spouse has died. This is easily solved by getting up and walking 20 steps to where he fell asleep. I watch to make sure he's breathing and then go about my day.

3. Illness. Because I can't fucking stand sick people, myself included. I sleep very soundly, but still...someone waking up to have a shaking coughing fit every 30 minutes really starts to get on my nerves after about one such coughing fit. And when I'm sick I really don't want people touching me.

So, the other night Mr. Rose and I climbed into bed together. He's on the tail end of his cold and I'm on the front end of mine. At about 3:30 in the morning we start waking each other up with various coughings and tossings and turnings. At about 4:00 in the morning my fabulous spouse says "We keep waking each other up, I'm going to go sleep on the futon". I blew my nose (as sexily as possible), spread out into my starfish and said "being a freak never felt so good".

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Go Green!

Have you noticed that every single magazine has a little "go green" tidbit in it these days. And, in fact, when I was over at Chez Nude the other day I was presented with an entire magazine focused around increasing my level of greenness. But here's my problem, it's either too little or too much.

For instance in this month's issue of Real Simple (yes, feel free to mock me. I read Martha Stewart publications about how to organize my clutter. monthly.) they had a list of 10 "simple" ways to go green. Then they showed how much carbon dioxide you can "save" incorporating these simple changes into your life.

Item #1: Recycle aluminum cans. Are you serious?!? Who doesn't recycle aluminum cans?? How is this still a tip for people to start going green?
Item #2: Recycle paper. You have got to be shitting me. Why do they even have to print this stuff in a magazine??? (which, yes, I recycle faithfully) Who are the assholes not recycling paper and aluminum cans?!?!?
Item #3: Turn the heat down when you're not in the house. Do people just have money to burn? Wouldn't you rather use that heating bill money for something that...I don't know, just a thought here...something that you might actually use?

Do people not understand that we live in the world? As a human being you have a responsibility to the planet you live on. This is the base line stuff folks. If you're not recycling, reducing, or reusing....well, you're a jerk. And you're ruining it for the rest of us! You're like that obnoxious kid at school who would ass around behind the teachers back but because she could never catch him at it the whole class had to suffer the punishment of sitting silently with your head on your desk for 15 minutes. Man, everyone hated that kid. You know why? Because he ruined it for everyone! Jerk.

Okay, so you have your base level "green" activities that everyone should obviously be doing. But then they get all intense on you.

Item #4: Buy a hybrid car. Sure, why not? Last time I checked I had about $30,000 just kicking around in my bank account. I guess I could use it to buy a car. I mean, I get it. If you're buying a new vehicle anyways, obviously you should be buying a reasonable car. The next time I buy a car I'll totally buy a long as it gets the gas mileage my Civic currently does (because why would I buy a hybrid vehicle that gets worse gas mileage? kinda misses the point.) But is this really a feasible "go green" option to be suggesting? In the same article as suggesting that maybe people might want to consider recycling cans and paper?!?!?!?
Item #5 Install solar panels on your home. Uhhhhhh, yeah. see above.

So, what's the answer? I don't even know. Well I do know something. Everybody, full stop, everybody should recycle and compost. This should be the baseline acceptable for being allowed to live in a human settlement in Canada. How do you even begin to come up with an excuse for not doing these things? Do you not understand...the earth is dying. There's no hoax, there's no easy solution (don't even open your mouth if the words carbon sequestration are going to come out), there is a very real problem.

We are supposed to be the most intelligent species on this planet. Can't you please care? Just a little?

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Looming Deadlines

On the one hand I find myself depressed and moping and wearing the same baggy, schlumpy sweat suit type outfit every day. On the other hand I find myself reveling in the freedom of going to the gym in the middle of the day, having time to watch entire seasons of HIMYM, and generally filling my days with unabashed pleasure seeking.

Sometimes I forget that I'm currently a drag on society and potentially my own financial well being. It's like I've forgotten what it would be like to have to get up every day and commute to somewhere other than this room next to my bedroom. I have vague memories of a world where the need to shower was a daily event. But give it another few weeks and I may have lost that ability to function in the real world all together.

I set myself a deadline for when I would have to relent and just settle. That deadline is fast approaching. So today is a day when I find myself depressed and moping and wearing those baggy clothes (which today have some suspicious food stains....Megan would be so proud).

Thank god I have this to get me through these low points:

Thursday, March 13, 2008

My Brief Hiatus

I think maybe I was intending my brief hiatus to be a permanent hiatus but then two things happened. 1) I discovered I had things to share with you all. And frankly, phoning you all up individually is just so much effort. and, 2) I finished watching seasons 1 & 2 of HIMYM and now find myself with not much to do. I'm three months into my unemployment and I have finally run out of TV on DVD that I'm interested in watching. I'm not quite sure how people keep it up on a year-round basis.

But let's move on, shall we? To the things I want to share with you. I believe I will fulfill my usual pattern and give you five, yes five!, things I have found out in the last three months:

1. My landlady is a Jehovah's Witness. shudder. I know, right? I'm pretty tolerant of other people's belief systems but I have limits. And Jehovahs and Scientologists just don't quite fit within those limits. And how did I just find this out? I've been living here for five years. Wouldn't we all be happier if I just never found out? Yes, yes we would.

2. I hate cooking. Since I'm all homebound it just seems like I should be shouldering all the domestic responsibilities. But damn, I hate it. I don't mind the planning and the shopping and the clean-up afterwards. But the actual act of cooking dinner every day? Blech.

3. Sweatpants are very comfy. But I still think it's wrong to wear them outside the house. And yes, yoga pants are sweatpants. You're not fooling anyone sweetheart.

4. um, yeah...I had a point number four but after I finished writing this post blogger froze up and didn't autosave so I lost points 4 and 5. Fortunately I remembered point 5 (for obvious reasons) but for the life of me I just can't recall what went here. Let's just assume it was both funny and awesome and laugh aloud to ourselves okay? done? good.

5. fuck, fuck, fuck. I hate looking for a job. fucking fuckity fuck.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Things on my mind right now

I've been putting this off for far too long. But this is post number 100. And it only took me, what...three years? I didn't want to waste this on something like the rearrangement of my sock drawer (which is working out very nicely, thanks for asking!). But sadly, I'm not that interesting. I'm certainly no MacLeans level blogger.

Things on my mind right now:
1. I still haven't paid that bill from the dentist. I assume they will get irritated at some point.
2. I'm so bored with the Bach I'm learning right now.
3. I fear that the June project is doomed.
4. How well do you really know the people you know?
5. How well do you really want to know the people you know?

I feel like I need a theme. Or structure. Or purpose. But how much, how deep, how open? Sure I can show you mine but is it fair to look if you don't show me yours?

And why can't I make a chili that's just reasonably spicy? why?

Monday, January 14, 2008

Job Hunt 2008

There is nothing more frustrating and depressing than looking for a job. I know what you're thinking..."come on Amanda, there are plenty of things more depressing and frustrating than looking for a job. Here, let me provide you with a list of those things:

1. Being employed in the same crappy dead-end job for 10+ years
2. Alzheimer's Disease
3. Finding the perfect pair of navy blue heels 2 days before an event that really requires you wear said navy blue heels
4. dating
5. changing the viscosity of liquids while cooking (i.e. white sauce!!!!)"

And, yeah, I agree with you that those are also frustrating and depressing things. But I'm not doing any of those things right now. Right now I am looking for a job.


Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Best of 2007

All told I read 53 books in 2007. I thought I read about one book every two weeks. This may explain why I really don’t remember the details of a lot of books I read. Unless it’s truly outstanding of course. Or it means that I read a lot of crap. Alright, it’s obvious that I read a lot of crap. And those Harry Potter’s really helped to up my count. Fast reads.

Megan and I started a book club this year so in an attempt to be more thoughtful about my reading here is my highlights reel.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – come on! The final book in a seven-part series, of course it makes my list. A very satisfying ending but I could have done without the sappy epilogue.

Freakonomics – this is my kind of non-fiction. The subject matter is interesting and writing was entertaining.

Watership Down – action, adventure, animals with human intelligence…it just doesn’t get any better. I haven’t been able to look at rabbits the same since.

One Hundred Years of Solitude – because I finished it dammit. Actually by about halfway through I was pretty into it. He has a very distinctive voice. Maybe that’s all you really need to win prestigious writing awards…a distinctive voice.

Philippa Gregory Historical Fiction Smut – historical fiction is my favorite kind of smut and she serves it up good.

American Gods – obviously. This was a re-read for me and my choice for book club. It’s still one of the best books I’ve ever read. It’s weird and creepy and engaging. Neil Gaiman at his best.

And what would a highlights reel be without a lowlights reel to accompany it.

I’m With Cupid – badly written chick lit. It’s not a difficult formula people! I don’t ask for brilliance from my crappy chick lit but seriously? No good.

The Castle – after many years I finally made it all the way through and when I finished I thought to myself “that’s it?” I mean, what’s the point? It’s an unfinished novel…and it’s really unfinished…edited heavily by some dude who isn’t Kafka. Blech.

Eastern Standard Tribe – this book goes down in my bad books even though I liked most of it. The ending was so terrible that it wrecked the rest of the book for me.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

A Shoe Inventory

It’s that time of year when we all like to slow down and take stock of our lives. I find that impossible to write about without sounding like a poncy hack. So instead, this year, I have chosen to share with you my stock-taking of something nearly equally important to my life as a whole. My shoe collection. This was prompted by my “accidental” purchase of 3 pairs of shoes yesterday.

Let’s break them up into categories shall we?

Functional Shoes
1 pair winter boots (very practical)
1 pair good quality hiking shoes
1 pair gym shoes (these have possibly started decomposing due to lack of use)

Special Event Shoes
1 pair medium heel beige (these were the shoes I wore to my wedding, they’re pretty comfy)
1 pair basic black pump (these were my aunts, they are one size too big and the narrow heel is too high for me)
1 pair open back brown heeled sandal (these are a bit too narrow for me but I love them)

Grown-Up Lady Working Shoes or variations on a loafer
1 pair black medium heel loafer (I like them because they have a cute buckle)
1 pair brown medium heel loafer (functional but ugly Payless shoe)
1 pair black flat loafer (totally cracked across the sole but still quite comfortable)

Mary Jane-esque
1 pair black heeled Mary Janes
1 pair brown heeled Mary Janes (these are in fact identical to the black ones, except they’re brown obviously)
1 pair black flat Mary Janes (the heel is a bit Grandma but they are cute and functional, these could also be slotted in with Grown-Up Lady Working Shoes)

Summer Shoes
2 pairs bamboo flip flops (I love them. I have run them ragged)
1 pair sneaker slip-ons green and pink striping (just slightly too small to be truly comfortable)
1 pair sneaker slip-ons denim pattern (awesomely comfortable, no arch support makes them bad for walking though)
1 pair Tiva style Clarks black sandals (less sporty than a Tiva but with all the same support and function. Tragically I appear to be missing one)
1 pair slip-on black open toe sandal (the mannish kind with the thick strap, very good at work sandals)
1 pair slip-on brown open toe sandal (cheap and sometimes painful sandal, good only for wearing at work if not much walking is required)

And the rest...
1 pair brown workman style boots (I bought these to wear when I was scooting. To keep my ankles warm. But they were ugly so I wore my cute sneakers instead)
1 pair black oxfords (I bought these because I thought they were cute and vaguely bowling shoe retro. Then my fashion challenged boss showed up wearing the same pair one day. I haven’t been able to wear them since.)
1 pair navy blue Vans (my go-to sneakers, they have a hole in the bottom and have so been replaced by…)
1 pair brown and plain patterned sneakers (not as much athletic support as the Vans, but very cute.)
1 pair extremely scuffed suede black high heels (also slightly too large. They were my aunts and function as my desperation dress up black heels)
1 pair extremely dusty black heels (I think I bought these in Thailand because I needed some more work-appropriate shoes. A land filled with cute shoes that didn’t fit my wide feet. A travesty more like)

So there you go. I think I can cull about 3 or 4 pairs from that list. So that would take me down to about 22 pairs of shoes. It would be a reasonable amount of course…except for the lack of colour. I suspect about 10 more pairs would get me into fighting form.

Thank God for January sales!