Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Being a Freak Never Felt So Good

Have you ever had one of those moments where you say something in a group that you think is likely applicable to most humans only to realize that everyone is staring at you clearly horrified by what you've just said? Okay, maybe not horrified...but they clearly think you're a freak.

I had one of those this past weekend. Recently my parents-in-law revealed to me that aside from one single occurrence they have never slept separately while occupying the same house. I thought that was insane. Insane I say! So I relayed this story to my peer group only to have the majority of them look upon me in horror. Sleep apart? How could I suggest such a thing? Was I completely mad? No, of course they never slept apart!! The filth that comes out of my mouth!! Dear god, why are we friends with this woman?!?!?!

Alright, it wasn't so bad as that. But I was definitely left with that feeling....of freakishness. Because Mr. Rose and I sleep separately....I wouldn't say all the time, or regularly....perhaps occasionally is the best word. There are three situations under which my spouse and I part ways for our nocturnal hours:

1. Anger. This has only come up once or twice, because...well, if you know Mr. Rose at all you'll know why. He is not a man quick to anger. He's not even slow to anger. He may just not have any anger at all. But on those occasions where I get fed up with his niceness and patience and general loveability I have been known to camp out on the library futon. You know that saying? Never go to bed angry. Bullshit. I'm way less angry after a good nights sleep. And way more capable of having a reasonable discussion. If I could go back in time and take a nap in the middle of all the fights I've ever been in I'm sure they would have resolved themselves in a more satisfactory manner.

2. Accident. Yes, my spouse likes to stay up late. Sometimes later than I like to stay up. And he likes to stay up doing quiet things so he doesn't "disturb" me (seriously? I almost fell asleep at a rock concert once. I'm very talented that way). And thus, he falls asleep. In some ways this is glorious. I wake in the morning feeling oh so comfortable...because apparently my favoured sleeping position is the starfish. But there is a downside. I frequently think that le spouse has died. This is easily solved by getting up and walking 20 steps to where he fell asleep. I watch to make sure he's breathing and then go about my day.

3. Illness. Because I can't fucking stand sick people, myself included. I sleep very soundly, but still...someone waking up to have a shaking coughing fit every 30 minutes really starts to get on my nerves after about one such coughing fit. And when I'm sick I really don't want people touching me.

So, the other night Mr. Rose and I climbed into bed together. He's on the tail end of his cold and I'm on the front end of mine. At about 3:30 in the morning we start waking each other up with various coughings and tossings and turnings. At about 4:00 in the morning my fabulous spouse says "We keep waking each other up, I'm going to go sleep on the futon". I blew my nose (as sexily as possible), spread out into my starfish and said "being a freak never felt so good".

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