Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Ennnnnnnnnnnui

It's suddenly December 16th and I find myself remiss in my Christmas duties. Cookies and cards sit unmailed! Presents for the challenging family members remain unbought (damn you brother! and 17-year old cousin!). And let's not even get into the wrapping. Many a ribbon lies uncurled in my festive gift wrap supply bag.


The latest cold snap has brought on a serious case of the winter lazies. Every day or two I lament(to anyone who will listen)..."December X! Oh woe, I am so behind!"

To be honest, I'm having a bit of life ennui right now. And some serious blog ennui! I recognize that some of this is being caused by a medication I'm on that is causing some serious all day drowsiness but it's more than just that. I'm just un-pumped about the same-same-ness of life.

I have this niggling feeling that nothing we do matters. I have been trying to read motivational e-books to counteract this but I am having a hard time believing that one person can actually make a difference.

Excuse while I go mope and grouse for a bit now. Perhaps I'll do a bit of reading about the state of politics in Alberta right now. That might light a fire under me!

4 comments:

Sterling Lynch said...

It all depends on your definition of "matters" I offer this suggestion: choose a definition of "mattes" that allows you to feel good about living.

Lady Rose said...

I don't see how making up my own definitions of words will help this problem.

Essentially, I just went to a presentation on some epi data on STI's. The gist of it was that rates rise and fall on a timeline seemingly unconnected with external pressures (like prevention work).

Right now, the HIV epidemic is thought to have peaked in the mid-90's and we are actually going to start seeing a decline in our bell curve. But the prediction is that, like many diseases, this epidemic will die down and then X years down the road for no obvious reason, it could start climbing back up again.

So, the message I left with was a sort of....what's the point of what I do then? We don't actually impact other people's choices, prevention work starts to seem like a joke.

Because people are going to do whatever they want to do and there's nothing you can do about it.

In Calgary, right now, there is no reason someone should be having unprotected sex. You can get free condoms all over the place. And yet...STI rates have spiked crazy high in the last year.

I mean, c'mon people, we should get this by now!!

siiiiiiiiiiiiiigh. I am discouraged.
:(

Sterling Lynch said...

It's your definitions that are in fact creating the problem.

You ask: do my actions matter and define "matter" as "eliminate or permanently reduce STI rates."

Why not define matter as "help a person or persons avoid STIs." I am sure you and your organization have done that. So, by this definition, your work matters.

Lady Rose said...

hmmmm...I don't think I was asking for complete elimination, but reduction on a larger scale seems like it should be a reasonable goal.

It's all about effort in for me. So, how much effort do we put into preventing that one person from contracting an STI and is that amount of effort truly worth it.

I feel like we put in the effort (time, resources, etc) to have an impact on a larger scale.

How come it's so much easier to convince people to drink Pepsi or wear Nike's than to take their own health seriously?

I think I should go back to the arts. Much more frivilous and less discouraging. :)