Thursday, February 25, 2010

The Crush

Everyone has their own protocol for acceptable behavior in a romantic relationship. In particular, I’m talking about acceptable levels of interaction outside of the primary relationship. I have a couple friends who have ‘open’ relationships (some married, some not). I, personally, can’t fathom this working for me as I am way too prone to jealousy and competitiveness. A bad combo with an open relationship I think!

Now, you may disagree with me here (because everyone’s got their own boundaries) but I am totally open to The Crush. I don’t mean some little second glance at a cute boy walking down the street. No, peeps, I mean the heart crushing swoony kind of crush.

Since being married I’ve had the occasional real-life crush but my most swoony crushes have been with fictional characters. At first I hated myself a little because I think celebrity crushes are lame. Then I realized that I wasn’t lusting after David Tennant necessarily…though, Mr. Rose, if I were to meet Mr. Tennant in a dark corner at some sort of steamy Hot Scot event…well, we’re still allowed a List, right???. Anyways, it’s not actually David Tennant I ‘secretly’ love, it’s the Doctor (sci-fi nerd alert!!).

All of this is a lead-up to reveal my latest TV crush. Now, since I haven’t had cable for years I’m a bit behind so my current crush would have been popular in 2004. Peeps, I refer to the dreamy Logan Echolls on Veroncia Mars. Oh Logan! At first I hated you because you were a spoiled rich kid who was mean to Veronica. Then I loved you because you went out of your way to protect Veronica when she was in danger. I loved you even more when you and Veronica started having secret make-out sessions in bathrooms (totally reminded me of my forbidden romance in high school that involved many clandestine make-out session!). Then I hated you when I thought that you were the one who slipped Veronica GHB at Shelly’s end of year party. Then I loved you when it turns out that you didn’t do that. Then I hated you when it looked like you were trying to film you and Veronica getting it on!

Now I don’t know how I feel because I haven’t watched the next episode. But I have been riding a crush roller coaster all week and I love it! Spring is on the way peeps, I feel it in my crush!

Friday, February 19, 2010


For years I have wanted to be one of those fabulously dressed professional ladies. Specifically, I envied people who could wear scarves and was secretly sad that I had no idea how to wear a scarf. I didn’t know how to tie a scarf or what to wear a scarf with.

Then something happened. I realized that I had the internet. I did a little googling and found a few handy instructional videos on how to tie a scarf. I also discovered that as it turns out, you can wear a scarf with anything!

Thus began my scarf fetish. What did I do before scarves? Scarves are the easiest accessory I can imagine. It takes about 30 seconds to dress up any top with a scarf which is about how much time/patience I have for accessorizing. Scarves work for both casual and professional outfits. I even have Mr. Rose sporting a man scarf occasionally!

For your viewing pleasure, my scarf collection. The cheapest scarf in the bunch rang in at $3 and the most expensive retailed for $300 (not that I paid that much for it!). Can you tell which was the cheapest and which was the priciest?

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Polyester Pants. Shudder.

Normally when I forget to blog for days at a time I have no excuse. Now I have the excuse that I feel vommie all the time. Last night as I was throwing up dinner my actual thought was “nooooooooo…my nutrients!!!” That was a wasted pile of broccoli. Of course, did I steam myself some more broccoli? No peeps, I did not. I had just thrown up. So naturally I had a chips & salsa and ice cream chaser.

And you know what is even more gross than sending back dinner every night? Polyester pants. I have officially started to ‘grow’ out of my regular work pants. So I find myself in the awkward in between phase. I’m not big enough to move into maternity pants but I’ve grown out of my regular pants.

Taking the advice of my pre-natal books I decided to buy some one size up pants that will hopefully tide me over for the next 4 – 6 weeks. I hope that winter will end in this time and that I can then just purchase summer weight maternity pants (c’mon universe, work with me on this one).

Anyways, what this boils down to is a trip to an outlet Reitman’s having a buy one get one 50% off sale. I wanted 2 pairs of pants and I wanted to spend no more than $40. I mean, how much are you willing to pay for pants you’ll wear for 6 weeks? I managed to get 2 pairs for a mere $23.

The downside? They are polyester. Shudder. I can’t remember the last time I wore polyester pants. Do you see how much this baby is changing my life already?!?!? And there is nothing you can do to camouflage cheap pants!

I want a sign to wear. Today my sign would say “I don’t normally wear ugly pants, I’m pregnant!” A few weeks ago it might have said “I don’t normally throw up behind dumpsters, I’m pregnant!” A few weeks from now I think it might say “Hey, I can fart loudly in public if I want to, I’m pregnant!”

Monday, February 08, 2010

Now, where did I put those goals...

I woke up this morning and realized that I have been feeling uninspired about my career. This struck me as odd because I really like my job, the field I work in and the company I work for. I don’t leap for joy in the morning on workdays but I certainly look forward to my work week.

So, what’s the problem? The problem is that I used to have a very specific career goal. I wanted to be an arts administrator, specifically a GM for a small to medium sized arts organization.

Some life experience later and that’s no longer my goal. But I forgot to pick up a new goal. And then Project Baby came along and has really thrown a wrench into things. It took longer to successfully conceive than I thought it would so career planning got pushed to the back burner for longer than I anticipated. My company offered me a wonderful training opportunity that I had to turn down because I wasn’t sure I would be able to complete it. I can’t move up where I am but mat leave prevents me from pursuing other opportunities in the near future. Then you have to factor in the possible second child which then raises costs of child care and whether or not it’s really economically sensible for me to go back to work.

I know this stuff may seem ridiculous to worry about now but I function better with some long-range planning.

So, here I am on a gloomy February afternoon feeling the full weight of the uncertainty of my future. And if you know me, you know that nothing makes me more unhappy than uncertainty.

How can I have career goals when a family will likely derail any plans I make? Will I keep working if we have a second child? Is it crazy to worry about these things when I haven’t even birthed one child yet? Am I cut out to be a stay-at-home mom to any number of children? Will I start to resent work taking time away from my family? Is it possible to find challenging, stimulating part-time work? Does being in a position of authority at work really matter to me?

The sun better come out soon or I might lose myself in all these worries.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Mommyblogger to be....that's me!

Okay but seriously, I don't think I can ever be a true mommyblogger. I haven't done too much reading in the genre but most mommybloggers I have checked out make me throw up a little. In fact, I have some serious fears about becoming a mommy.

Look, I know that most women who are 14 weeks pregnant are all glowy and dewy fresh and living a perfect tampon commercial life. But did you really think pregnancy would be like that for me? Nay friends. It has been a nauseous, sexless, vomit-y, achy, exhausted, whiny whiny whiny time for me. (I hear the second trimester gets better...fingers crossed!)

All this vomiting probably explains my negative state of mind...seriously, you try throwing up dinner every day for 3 weeks straight and we'll see how positive you are! So, while I'm sure I will get to that excited place right now I am living in mommy fear.

I mean...what have I done? I am growing something inside me that will be completely dependent on my for survival, a tiny ball of constant demands with very little regard for my own needs or state of mind. It's already completely fucking with my sleeping patterns and ability to drink Diet Coke and it's just a fetus!

And worse than that...what if I turn into a mommy-bot? Sure I'm all liberal and cool with harm reduction philosophies now but people change when they become parents. They move to the suburbs, vote Conservative and get nervous around homeless people.

Here's hoping the panic attacks also subside in the second trimester.

ps. squeeeee! okay, maybe I'm a little excited :)