Sunday, March 28, 2010

Earth Hour

I should never promise to do a series of themed posts because I will inevitably lose interest. Though on the same topic of sex I will point out that I figured out how to get Mr. Rose to participate in Earth Hour last night...

It's not that he's not into the Earth. I mean, we compost and recycle and use cloth shopping bags and choose to live centrally to reduce transportation needs. We live in a fairly walkable community and for most of the year we do walk to places like the grocery store and video store and bank and neighbourhood pub.

But still, he hates Earth Hour. He thinks it's stupid and doesn't make a difference and isn't really a symbol for anything. Of course, we do live in Calgary which is renowned for having it's energy consumption spike during earth hour (sooo embarrassing). And he would explain his position much more philosophically than I would.

I myself am a fan of earth hour. I think it's pretty good awareness raising and I actually like the symbolic statement it makes about how changing something pretty small individually can amount to something a bit more significant when a group participates.

Then yesterday, it occured to me that I don't have to sell Mr. Rose on Earth Hour. I can dupe him with sex. Everyone wins! I get to honour Earth Hour and Mr. Rose gets some romantic 'snuggling' time. Well, I guess technically I get to win twice in that scenario (or was it three times? badum-ching!)

Of course I checked the news this morning and it seems that Calgary's power consumption was down 0.05% during Earth Hour. *sigh*

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

My First Time

I went to see a production of My First Time tonight. The show itself was funny but ultimately just okay. It has, however, inspired me to recall my first time. And since my post yesterday was about sex I figure I'll just roll out a whole week's worth of sex posts. Everyone likes sex, right?

My first time was rather unremarkable. I actually had an attempt at a first time when I was 15. I had actually forgotten about it but I recently dug up some old journals and there it was. I had done many other things with that boy but when it came to the actual act of penetration we were clearly both way too wired up and nervous about the whole thing. It's too bad really. He was a nice guy and we had been dating for awhile. If it had worked out I'm sure I would have a sweet memory of an awkward but loving first time.

Instead I have a rather bland memory. I was 17 and K and I had not been dating. We were friends so it wasn't unpleasant or anything. It was at some party. It wasn't painful or pleasurable, it just was. A let down really. The only thing that redeemed the experience is that this song was playing (on repeat for some reason!) on the stereo. Because if your first time is unremarkable you at least want an ironic song providing background soundtrack.

Unbelievable? Snorfle!

Monday, March 22, 2010

Let's talk about...

sex.

I conducted an informal poll recently. I was conversing with someone a few weeks ago about some problems they were having with their partner. They were only having sex twice a month or so. This someone was essentially asking me what I thought 'normal' was. Was it 'normal' to only have sex twice a month?

Then I was talking to another someone and I posed them the question. Shocking right? People are usually so unwilling to divulge their number. Anyways, this person felt that 2 - 5 times per week was standard in his/her relationship.

Then today I queried some co-workers. I can get away with this because I work in the field of sexual health and everyone knows I just had a miscarriage and is thus being really, really irritatingly nice to me. The answers on what people thought was 'normal' ranged from once per week up to seven times per week. (This is all 'normal' for people in a relationship)

So, it seems like my twice per month someone is out of luck...based on how people are willing to answer the 'how often do you' question. Then it struck me that it wasn't just idle curiosity that brought on my random surveying.

I have either been pregnant or trying to get pregnant for about 18 months now. I feel like I have completely lost touch with what a normal sex life looks like. We've spent months doing it (desire be damned) because the 'timing' was right or not doing it (desire be damned again) because throwing up does not, in fact, make for good foreplay. Of course there have still been times when our stars have aligned and we've been able to get funky just because we felt like it but for the most part sex has become a business in our household.

So what is my 'normal'? I honestly have no idea. But I can freely admit that I'm not looking forward to this next round of business time. To cheer myself up, I watch this video:


Thursday, March 18, 2010

Little Jars

Everyone has their own way of dealing with loss. I myself like to do a mix of healthy and unhealthy activities when I suffer a loss.

The first thing I do is I take all my pain and grief and I push it into a little glass jar. I have a little room in my mind where I keep all my little glass jars on a shelf. This is an unhealthy thing to do. I recognize that. Bottling up your pain never works out. It always finds a way to leak out, usually at inopportune moments.

So, rather than leave my pain in a jar I now make a point of going back and taking the jar down. I create a time and space for myself to grieve.

This week I added another little jar. My second miscarriage was both easier and harder than my first. Harder because I was so much further along in the pregnancy. Easier because I never really let myself believe. Harder because more people know. Easier because I knew what to expect from the process.

The thing I am most sad about is that pregnancy has lost all its joy for me. I felt it this time and I know it will be even worse with future pregnancies.

The thing I am most hopeful about is that the third time may just be the charm.

And you know what they say. When life gives you lemons, you plan a fabulous trip to New York. That is what they say right? (Humour as coping method…healthy or unhealthy??)

Saturday, March 06, 2010

Technology ambiguity

Just a thought conference organizers...perhaps a plate heaped with meat followed by a thick slab of sugar pie doused in heavy cream is not the best lunch to offer to people who have to sit in slightly warm rooms for the next 4 hours. My 3:00 crash is going to be fierce.

But my real reason for posting...technology ambiguity. I both love and hate the technology. This morning I woke up and I was craving something. No, it wasn't just a fresh fruit or vegetable...it turned out to be the internet. I don't have a cellphone or a laptop so I have been internet free since Wednesday night.

When I found the conference internet cafe this morning I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Check email, check Facebook, check Twitter, check work email (ack!), check Google Reader. Ahhhhhhhhh. I love the internets.

And yet, when I really thought about it, the last two nights have been great. I've walked around the city, enjoyed good food with good company and read my book until I fell asleep. I was fully present in what I was doing and unlike my dinner companions I wasn't distracted by my phone beeping and booping. In fact I felt remarkably calm and satisfied.

So I started noticing just how much the people are tethered to their phones! And their laptops! They are constantly checking, checking, checking. It feels like they are missing what's happening right in front of them so they can be up to date on what's happening everywhere else.

That's it, that's my technology ambiguity. I love the capacity the internet has for entertaining me and keeping me connected to the people I love. I love the convenience of being able to call home from the grocery store to check if we need more milk. I hate that people can't seem to turn it off. I hate the idea that a huge segment of the population is missing out on their own life.

Monday, March 01, 2010

Monday Mopes

Despite warm weather and sunny blue skies I am having a serious case of the Monday mopes. Top five contributing factors to my Monday mopes:

  1. Uh, Logan and Veronica broke up. Seriously? I'm trying to have a fictional character crush here people! That means I need screen time! siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.
  2. The Olympics ate my life...or at least my February. I awoke this morning to discover that we haven't grocery shopped or done laundry or cleaned the bathroom in weeks. So many looming chores. groooooooooooooooan.
  3. This might be an Olympic sub-point but I had a seriously disappointing lunch today due to lack of foods. Only 1 fruit for the whole day? gruuuuuuuuuuuuuuumble.
  4. A failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency for me. Except at work it somehow does. I be so busy this week! whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.
  5. What do you mean there is no more curling for me to watch? What about speed skating? No? Figure skating? No? But surely there's a bit of luge or bobsled, right????? Olympic withdraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawal.

But just to prove I'm not 100% whine, I did have a positive weekend experience. I got this stretchy band thing that I can wear over the waistband of my regular pants (until I'm ready to graduate to the real pregnant lady pants). Basically I leave the pants unbuttoned but the stretchy band ensures that they don't fall off. Aside from making me way more comfortable all the time, it really came in handy post-Sunday brunch. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, room to expand!