Thursday, March 18, 2010

Little Jars

Everyone has their own way of dealing with loss. I myself like to do a mix of healthy and unhealthy activities when I suffer a loss.

The first thing I do is I take all my pain and grief and I push it into a little glass jar. I have a little room in my mind where I keep all my little glass jars on a shelf. This is an unhealthy thing to do. I recognize that. Bottling up your pain never works out. It always finds a way to leak out, usually at inopportune moments.

So, rather than leave my pain in a jar I now make a point of going back and taking the jar down. I create a time and space for myself to grieve.

This week I added another little jar. My second miscarriage was both easier and harder than my first. Harder because I was so much further along in the pregnancy. Easier because I never really let myself believe. Harder because more people know. Easier because I knew what to expect from the process.

The thing I am most sad about is that pregnancy has lost all its joy for me. I felt it this time and I know it will be even worse with future pregnancies.

The thing I am most hopeful about is that the third time may just be the charm.

And you know what they say. When life gives you lemons, you plan a fabulous trip to New York. That is what they say right? (Humour as coping method…healthy or unhealthy??)


Lady Buttons said...

Oh, my dear Lady Rose. I don't even know what to say, except that I'm really so very sorry for your loss. I'm sending you the biggest cyber-hugs these two arms can muster.

Breanne said...

So sorry to hear that Amanda... 3 is my lucky number and I'm definitely willing to share it with ya! :)

Deb said...

I'm so sorry.

Meg said...

Humour, ripple chips, finding a cement block room to scream your lungs out - whatever works for you is the healthy way to cope.

Well, except hard drugs. I'll draw the line at blow.

Lady Rose said...

Those ripple chips did help. The Fame movie marathon also helped in it's own way. I was more irritated than sad by the end of it.

Silver lining? Had a beer with dinner tonight. Deeeeeeelish.

Wayne C. said...

I'm sorry to hear this Amanda.

I get the little jar thing. I try to push away from pain too. It never works (it's a delay tactic), but maybe it is a stage that I (we?) need to go through. I don't think there is ever a "correct" way to grieve.

Sterling Lynch said...

Shitty. I'm sorry.