Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Awkward Moments

In the last few weeks I've had to deal with a multitude of awkward moments. One of the downsides to a late miscarriage is just how many people know you are pregnant. I keep running into people I saw whilst pregnant and sharing the awkward moment when they don't know what to say and I desperately want to be talking about anything else. I had a pretty good song and dance routine down pat to receive sympathy, quickly redirect conversation and leave everyone chuckling instead of trying to sympathy face me.

Today I ran into something new I wasn't quite prepared to deal with. I was at an event and a couple of people were there who I hadn't seen in about 6 weeks. Now, 6 weeks ago I was visibly pregnant AND had conversations with those people about my due date in August.

Today, both of them separately, made comments about how excited I must be about my due date in August and upcoming mommy-hood.

Peeps, I might be a chubby lady but I don't look pregnant!! The pregnant belly has totally gone away and I've shed about half of the weight I had put on. Seriously, do I look 6 months pregnant (uh, Megan this is your cue to jump in and reassure me)???

On the one hand it does provide some additional motivation to put in some extra hours on the elliptical machine.

On the other hand...ohmigod that was awkward and awful. This is totally going on my list of low points in my life.

I need ice cream.


Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Harvest Moon

Instead of blogging, I am playing Harvest Moon. That's right, that's exactly the kind of nerd I am. The kind of nerd who plays farming games on the Wii.

At least it's not Farmville, right? Those peeps are Nerds!

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Return from the rainy city

Every time we go to Vancouver (a nearly annual sojourn) almost every person I visit asks why we don't move to Vancouver.

I get it. I mean, Vancouver is a beautiful city. Despite a near constant cover of cloud, the city is vibrantly green. Vancouver proper is filled with beautiful old homes, plentiful shops and a truly walkable lifestyle. My politics align more closely with Vancouverites than most of my Calgary peers. I even like the rough and rocky Canadian beaches on offer. Most importantly, my hair and skin look fantastic in Vancouver. Seriously, my face is smooth as a baby's backside and my hair is like spun silk. We have both family and friends living in a nearby the city. The type of work we do here could easily be done there.

But (there's always a but) despite all of these things I can't imagine wanting to uproot my life here. I have lived in Calgary my whole life and I love it. I love our variable weather patterns. Despite what it does to my skin and hair, I love our dry air. I love the crisp winters and sluggish springs. I have a huge social support network of family, friends and friendly acquaintances. I enjoy the wide range of cultural activities on offer. I love being a burgeoning eco-hippie in a red-necked oil town.

Plus, you know, I own property here. So I'll think we'll be riding it out here Vancouverites. But don't worry, we'll always come visit. Though possibly never again in early April. Because it may be beautifully green but it sure rains like fuck in the spring. And there's nothing worse than feeling moist all the time.

Saturday, April 03, 2010

Dream Sequence

I have this recurring dream where I'm standing in the middle of a crowded room. It's frequently a party or theatre lobby...some sort of social situation in a large, crowded space. Various encounters may happen in the dream. People float in and out and varying levels of interaction occur.

The specific recurring bit is that I end up standing next to a boy. It's frequently a boy I like in the dream. There is always a reason why said boy and I shouldn't be interacting but the reason isn't clear. We end up standing very close to each other and our pinkie fingers link together. Then someone else will come up and I will break away and walk off. The whole moment feels very intense.

Why is this interesting you may be asking? Well, you might just think that recurring dreams are interesting. I certainly do. What causes dreams and whether or not they have any meaning is a bit of a mystery to me. But recurring dreams seem particularly weird. Why would your brain fire the same sequence of images to you over and over?

In this case it's interesting to me because I was recently reading a journal I kept from high school and I discovered that said dream scenario had actually happened to me in real life. There was a boy I liked. And this boy seemed to like me. Our social groups were not friendly and dating would have been...awkward, at best. We had several 'encounters', one of which was an odd moment where we were waiting in a press of people to vote in a school election. We were standing very close to each other and our pinkie fingers linked. I gave him a surprised look, someone squeezed in to talk to him, I pulled away into the crowd.

I had totally forgotten about this until I unearthed the recount in my journal. My brain has reproduced this scenario in my dreams dozens of times over the last 15 years.

I mean, WTF brain? Was that really a seminal moment in my life? Is there some message I'm missing about overcoming obstacles or feeling free to be myself? And if you have a message, brain, could you please just deliver it in a more straightforward fashion?