The blog that died from ennui

A tweet well spent

2010-05-26T18:38:00.002-07:00

Finally. Today, I finally used twitter for something genuinely useful.

It started with a ridiculous media call. God love the media and their extravagant requests. Today they wanted me to find someone who fit three very specific criteria. I had one person in mind who might fit said criteria but alas when I called them it appeared that their phone had been disconnected.

Sidebar: what up with that? I thought I was at an age now where all my peers were able to consistently maintain a phone number.

Anyways, I went to twitter thinking I could contact the person that way. I went to my personal list to see if said person had posted recently (thus implying I could contact them via twitter) and there at the very top of my list was a post by another peer commenting about the exact same issue said media person wanted a comment about. And you know what? He fit the three criteria exactly AND was passionate about the issue at hand. 2 phone calls later and bam! I'm a media genius, a mover and shaker, a master networker.

Well, not exactly. But definitely a job well done. Take that Wednesday!

An afternoon cup of rejection

2010-05-19T10:55:00.004-07:00

Alright, enough moping. Onto some complaining. There is something I dread doing every May peeps. In May I have to re-connect with a professional contact who...wait for it...doesn't like me. I know, right? Who could not like me? :) Alright, I admit that personally I can be unlikeable. But in a professional context for minimal business type dealings, I am totally likable. I am efficient and friendly and always deliver on time.

Look, I don't know why this lady doesn't like me and maybe it's not me, maybe she doesn't like the company because I have gotten nothing but thinly veiled frost right from the get-go. Of course, if that's the case I'm not sure why she keeps doing business with us. Obligation maybe?

Anyways, I keep reaching out with coffee/meeting invites and I get rebuffed every year. I just sent off my annual entreaty this morning and I am not looking forward to my cup of afternoon rejection.

Work grumble.

Happily ever after

2010-05-18T10:44:00.002-07:00

Today is my 8th wedding anniversary. Whoa. Can you believe that I have been married for 8 years? I certainly can't. I think it's got me a bit gloomy today actually. Not the being married part, I enjoy being married more than I thought I would.

I think the gloom comes from the fact that I measure my life achievements more around the date of my marriage than my birthday. That seems a bit weird. But I got married as one part of my life was ending (the school part). I had just graduated from University and was ready to head out into the world and shoulder all those grown up responsibilities like paying my own utility bills and Alberta Health Care bills. So, the timing meant that my marriage was really the start of my grown-up lady life.

Somehow, my grown-up lady life isn't exactly where I thought it would be. I am adrift in a sea of ennui. I feel like I've been in a sea of ennui for a couple of years now. I mean, this is it. I am a grown-up lady. When I was a kid and I looked forward to being all grown up I'm not sure exactly what I expected. But clearly I expected something different.

It feels a lot like waiting for the future. I mean, the future sounds awesome (flying cars, solar powered everything, robots that definitely won't turn on their human creators, the list goes on and on...) but when the heck is the dang future going to get here?!?! I feel like I've been waiting for ever.

waiting...

waiting...

waiting for...

Scientology?

A grown up lady should be able to wear heels, right?

2010-05-12T18:42:00.003-07:00

My opening night outfit was a fail! I had bought these cute new shoes to wear a few weeks before. I paraded around the store and proclaimed how comfy and awesome they were. They just needed a little something to keep that slingback slung back. What I wasn't counting on was two days of hard walking (museum floors! why you be so hard?!) preceding the opening night. Or the fact that I had to wear hose of some sort to keep my pale, pale legs from looking quite so hideous. Or the fact that we weren't in Calgary anymore, which meant walking 6 blocks to the theatre.

Oh, the pain. My slingback fix didn't work with my nylons so the back kept slipping down. My feeties were tender from so much walking and they kept getting squished forward. Then after the show we had to stand up in a sweltering hot, teeny tiny lobby for hours. I was dying. I eventually had to take the shoes off. I got looks.

Which brings me to my title, shouldn't a grown up lady be able to wear heels for an evening? The answer is yes but I have never managed to acquire this skill. I find heels agonizing if I have to do more than 15 minutes of standing or walking. But I see all those New York girls flitting about in their 3 inch stilettos. How do they do it?!?!?!

Yet another roadblock on my quest for grown-up ladydom. sigh.

Hold my calls. I'll be in New York.

2010-05-04T21:21:00.002-07:00

NEW YORK!!!!!!!!! If you know me IRL, imagine me wailing that out soul-sister style.

Oh, by the way, did I tell you that I'm going to New York tomorrow? Wait, it gets more awesome. I am going to New York to see the...wait for it...Off-Broadway premiere...wait for it...of the fabulous play written by...wait for it...the talented Mr. Rose.

Oh, you didn't know that I'm married to a famous New York produced playwright? Well, that's because he's not actually famous. One NY production in a niche market festival does not a famous playwright make. On the one hand. On the other hand it's so cooooooooooool! I even scraped together what I think is an acceptable opening night outfit. We shall see. I'm a bit too fat for New York so I will likely feel awkward regardless of my attire. Damn my fat ankles!

But nothing, not even my fat ankles, can kill this New York buzz.

New York squeeeeeeeeeeee!

(back in a week peeps)

Awkward Moments

2010-04-21T19:34:00.002-07:00

In the last few weeks I've had to deal with a multitude of awkward moments. One of the downsides to a late miscarriage is just how many people know you are pregnant. I keep running into people I saw whilst pregnant and sharing the awkward moment when they don't know what to say and I desperately want to be talking about anything else. I had a pretty good song and dance routine down pat to receive sympathy, quickly redirect conversation and leave everyone chuckling instead of trying to sympathy face me.

Today I ran into something new I wasn't quite prepared to deal with. I was at an event and a couple of people were there who I hadn't seen in about 6 weeks. Now, 6 weeks ago I was visibly pregnant AND had conversations with those people about my due date in August.

Today, both of them separately, made comments about how excited I must be about my due date in August and upcoming mommy-hood.

Peeps, I might be a chubby lady but I don't look pregnant!! The pregnant belly has totally gone away and I've shed about half of the weight I had put on. Seriously, do I look 6 months pregnant (uh, Megan this is your cue to jump in and reassure me)???

On the one hand it does provide some additional motivation to put in some extra hours on the elliptical machine.

On the other hand...ohmigod that was awkward and awful. This is totally going on my list of low points in my life.

I need ice cream.

*pout*

Harvest Moon

2010-04-14T20:49:00.002-07:00

Instead of blogging, I am playing Harvest Moon. That's right, that's exactly the kind of nerd I am. The kind of nerd who plays farming games on the Wii.

At least it's not Farmville, right? Those peeps are Nerds!

Return from the rainy city

2010-04-07T19:27:00.002-07:00

Every time we go to Vancouver (a nearly annual sojourn) almost every person I visit asks why we don't move to Vancouver.

I get it. I mean, Vancouver is a beautiful city. Despite a near constant cover of cloud, the city is vibrantly green. Vancouver proper is filled with beautiful old homes, plentiful shops and a truly walkable lifestyle. My politics align more closely with Vancouverites than most of my Calgary peers. I even like the rough and rocky Canadian beaches on offer. Most importantly, my hair and skin look fantastic in Vancouver. Seriously, my face is smooth as a baby's backside and my hair is like spun silk. We have both family and friends living in a nearby the city. The type of work we do here could easily be done there.

But (there's always a but) despite all of these things I can't imagine wanting to uproot my life here. I have lived in Calgary my whole life and I love it. I love our variable weather patterns. Despite what it does to my skin and hair, I love our dry air. I love the crisp winters and sluggish springs. I have a huge social support network of family, friends and friendly acquaintances. I enjoy the wide range of cultural activities on offer. I love being a burgeoning eco-hippie in a red-necked oil town.

Plus, you know, I own property here. So I'll think we'll be riding it out here Vancouverites. But don't worry, we'll always come visit. Though possibly never again in early April. Because it may be beautifully green but it sure rains like fuck in the spring. And there's nothing worse than feeling moist all the time.

Dream Sequence

2010-04-03T20:21:00.002-07:00

I have this recurring dream where I'm standing in the middle of a crowded room. It's frequently a party or theatre lobby...some sort of social situation in a large, crowded space. Various encounters may happen in the dream. People float in and out and varying levels of interaction occur.

The specific recurring bit is that I end up standing next to a boy. It's frequently a boy I like in the dream. There is always a reason why said boy and I shouldn't be interacting but the reason isn't clear. We end up standing very close to each other and our pinkie fingers link together. Then someone else will come up and I will break away and walk off. The whole moment feels very intense.

Why is this interesting you may be asking? Well, you might just think that recurring dreams are interesting. I certainly do. What causes dreams and whether or not they have any meaning is a bit of a mystery to me. But recurring dreams seem particularly weird. Why would your brain fire the same sequence of images to you over and over?

In this case it's interesting to me because I was recently reading a journal I kept from high school and I discovered that said dream scenario had actually happened to me in real life. There was a boy I liked. And this boy seemed to like me. Our social groups were not friendly and dating would have been...awkward, at best. We had several 'encounters', one of which was an odd moment where we were waiting in a press of people to vote in a school election. We were standing very close to each other and our pinkie fingers linked. I gave him a surprised look, someone squeezed in to talk to him, I pulled away into the crowd.

I had totally forgotten about this until I unearthed the recount in my journal. My brain has reproduced this scenario in my dreams dozens of times over the last 15 years.

I mean, WTF brain? Was that really a seminal moment in my life? Is there some message I'm missing about overcoming obstacles or feeling free to be myself? And if you have a message, brain, could you please just deliver it in a more straightforward fashion?

Earth Hour

2010-03-28T13:41:00.004-07:00

I should never promise to do a series of themed posts because I will inevitably lose interest. Though on the same topic of sex I will point out that I figured out how to get Mr. Rose to participate in Earth Hour last night...

It's not that he's not into the Earth. I mean, we compost and recycle and use cloth shopping bags and choose to live centrally to reduce transportation needs. We live in a fairly walkable community and for most of the year we do walk to places like the grocery store and video store and bank and neighbourhood pub.

But still, he hates Earth Hour. He thinks it's stupid and doesn't make a difference and isn't really a symbol for anything. Of course, we do live in Calgary which is renowned for having it's energy consumption spike during earth hour (sooo embarrassing). And he would explain his position much more philosophically than I would.

I myself am a fan of earth hour. I think it's pretty good awareness raising and I actually like the symbolic statement it makes about how changing something pretty small individually can amount to something a bit more significant when a group participates.

Then yesterday, it occured to me that I don't have to sell Mr. Rose on Earth Hour. I can dupe him with sex. Everyone wins! I get to honour Earth Hour and Mr. Rose gets some romantic 'snuggling' time. Well, I guess technically I get to win twice in that scenario (or was it three times? badum-ching!)

Of course I checked the news this morning and it seems that Calgary's power consumption was down 0.05% during Earth Hour. *sigh*

My First Time

2010-03-23T21:08:00.003-07:00

I went to see a production of My First Time tonight. The show itself was funny but ultimately just okay. It has, however, inspired me to recall my first time. And since my post yesterday was about sex I figure I'll just roll out a whole week's worth of sex posts. Everyone likes sex, right?

My first time was rather unremarkable. I actually had an attempt at a first time when I was 15. I had actually forgotten about it but I recently dug up some old journals and there it was. I had done many other things with that boy but when it came to the actual act of penetration we were clearly both way too wired up and nervous about the whole thing. It's too bad really. He was a nice guy and we had been dating for awhile. If it had worked out I'm sure I would have a sweet memory of an awkward but loving first time.

Instead I have a rather bland memory. I was 17 and K and I had not been dating. We were friends so it wasn't unpleasant or anything. It was at some party. It wasn't painful or pleasurable, it just was. A let down really. The only thing that redeemed the experience is that this song was playing (on repeat for some reason!) on the stereo. Because if your first time is unremarkable you at least want an ironic song providing background soundtrack.

Unbelievable? Snorfle!

Let's talk about...

2010-03-22T18:35:00.002-07:00

sex.

I conducted an informal poll recently. I was conversing with someone a few weeks ago about some problems they were having with their partner. They were only having sex twice a month or so. This someone was essentially asking me what I thought 'normal' was. Was it 'normal' to only have sex twice a month?

Then I was talking to another someone and I posed them the question. Shocking right? People are usually so unwilling to divulge their number. Anyways, this person felt that 2 - 5 times per week was standard in his/her relationship.

Then today I queried some co-workers. I can get away with this because I work in the field of sexual health and everyone knows I just had a miscarriage and is thus being really, really irritatingly nice to me. The answers on what people thought was 'normal' ranged from once per week up to seven times per week. (This is all 'normal' for people in a relationship)

So, it seems like my twice per month someone is out of luck...based on how people are willing to answer the 'how often do you' question. Then it struck me that it wasn't just idle curiosity that brought on my random surveying.

I have either been pregnant or trying to get pregnant for about 18 months now. I feel like I have completely lost touch with what a normal sex life looks like. We've spent months doing it (desire be damned) because the 'timing' was right or not doing it (desire be damned again) because throwing up does not, in fact, make for good foreplay. Of course there have still been times when our stars have aligned and we've been able to get funky just because we felt like it but for the most part sex has become a business in our household.

So what is my 'normal'? I honestly have no idea. But I can freely admit that I'm not looking forward to this next round of business time. To cheer myself up, I watch this video:

Little Jars

2010-03-18T12:59:00.000-07:00

Everyone has their own way of dealing with loss. I myself like to do a mix of healthy and unhealthy activities when I suffer a loss.

The first thing I do is I take all my pain and grief and I push it into a little glass jar. I have a little room in my mind where I keep all my little glass jars on a shelf. This is an unhealthy thing to do. I recognize that. Bottling up your pain never works out. It always finds a way to leak out, usually at inopportune moments.

So, rather than leave my pain in a jar I now make a point of going back and taking the jar down. I create a time and space for myself to grieve.

This week I added another little jar. My second miscarriage was both easier and harder than my first. Harder because I was so much further along in the pregnancy. Easier because I never really let myself believe. Harder because more people know. Easier because I knew what to expect from the process.

The thing I am most sad about is that pregnancy has lost all its joy for me. I felt it this time and I know it will be even worse with future pregnancies.

The thing I am most hopeful about is that the third time may just be the charm.

And you know what they say. When life gives you lemons, you plan a fabulous trip to New York. That is what they say right? (Humour as coping method…healthy or unhealthy??)

Technology ambiguity

2010-03-06T12:29:00.002-07:00

Just a thought conference organizers...perhaps a plate heaped with meat followed by a thick slab of sugar pie doused in heavy cream is not the best lunch to offer to people who have to sit in slightly warm rooms for the next 4 hours. My 3:00 crash is going to be fierce.

But my real reason for posting...technology ambiguity. I both love and hate the technology. This morning I woke up and I was craving something. No, it wasn't just a fresh fruit or vegetable...it turned out to be the internet. I don't have a cellphone or a laptop so I have been internet free since Wednesday night.

When I found the conference internet cafe this morning I breathed a huge sigh of relief. Check email, check Facebook, check Twitter, check work email (ack!), check Google Reader. Ahhhhhhhhh. I love the internets.

And yet, when I really thought about it, the last two nights have been great. I've walked around the city, enjoyed good food with good company and read my book until I fell asleep. I was fully present in what I was doing and unlike my dinner companions I wasn't distracted by my phone beeping and booping. In fact I felt remarkably calm and satisfied.

So I started noticing just how much the people are tethered to their phones! And their laptops! They are constantly checking, checking, checking. It feels like they are missing what's happening right in front of them so they can be up to date on what's happening everywhere else.

That's it, that's my technology ambiguity. I love the capacity the internet has for entertaining me and keeping me connected to the people I love. I love the convenience of being able to call home from the grocery store to check if we need more milk. I hate that people can't seem to turn it off. I hate the idea that a huge segment of the population is missing out on their own life.

Monday Mopes

2010-03-01T12:57:00.002-07:00

Despite warm weather and sunny blue skies I am having a serious case of the Monday mopes. Top five contributing factors to my Monday mopes:

Uh, Logan and Veronica broke up. Seriously? I'm trying to have a fictional character crush here people! That means I need screen time! siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.
The Olympics ate my life...or at least my February. I awoke this morning to discover that we haven't grocery shopped or done laundry or cleaned the bathroom in weeks. So many looming chores. groooooooooooooooan.
This might be an Olympic sub-point but I had a seriously disappointing lunch today due to lack of foods. Only 1 fruit for the whole day? gruuuuuuuuuuuuuuumble.
A failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency for me. Except at work it somehow does. I be so busy this week! whiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.
What do you mean there is no more curling for me to watch? What about speed skating? No? Figure skating? No? But surely there's a bit of luge or bobsled, right????? Olympic withdraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawal.

But just to prove I'm not 100% whine, I did have a positive weekend experience. I got this stretchy band thing that I can wear over the waistband of my regular pants (until I'm ready to graduate to the real pregnant lady pants). Basically I leave the pants unbuttoned but the stretchy band ensures that they don't fall off. Aside from making me way more comfortable all the time, it really came in handy post-Sunday brunch. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, room to expand!

The Crush

2010-02-25T12:28:00.001-07:00

Everyone has their own protocol for acceptable behavior in a romantic relationship. In particular, I’m talking about acceptable levels of interaction outside of the primary relationship. I have a couple friends who have ‘open’ relationships (some married, some not). I, personally, can’t fathom this working for me as I am way too prone to jealousy and competitiveness. A bad combo with an open relationship I think!

Now, you may disagree with me here (because everyone’s got their own boundaries) but I am totally open to The Crush. I don’t mean some little second glance at a cute boy walking down the street. No, peeps, I mean the heart crushing swoony kind of crush.

Since being married I’ve had the occasional real-life crush but my most swoony crushes have been with fictional characters. At first I hated myself a little because I think celebrity crushes are lame. Then I realized that I wasn’t lusting after David Tennant necessarily…though, Mr. Rose, if I were to meet Mr. Tennant in a dark corner at some sort of steamy Hot Scot event…well, we’re still allowed a List, right???. Anyways, it’s not actually David Tennant I ‘secretly’ love, it’s the Doctor (sci-fi nerd alert!!).

All of this is a lead-up to reveal my latest TV crush. Now, since I haven’t had cable for years I’m a bit behind so my current crush would have been popular in 2004. Peeps, I refer to the dreamy Logan Echolls on Veroncia Mars. Oh Logan! At first I hated you because you were a spoiled rich kid who was mean to Veronica. Then I loved you because you went out of your way to protect Veronica when she was in danger. I loved you even more when you and Veronica started having secret make-out sessions in bathrooms (totally reminded me of my forbidden romance in high school that involved many clandestine make-out session!). Then I hated you when I thought that you were the one who slipped Veronica GHB at Shelly’s end of year party. Then I loved you when it turns out that you didn’t do that. Then I hated you when it looked like you were trying to film you and Veronica getting it on!

Now I don’t know how I feel because I haven’t watched the next episode. But I have been riding a crush roller coaster all week and I love it! Spring is on the way peeps, I feel it in my crush!

Scarves!

2010-02-19T14:56:00.001-07:00

For years I have wanted to be one of those fabulously dressed professional ladies. Specifically, I envied people who could wear scarves and was secretly sad that I had no idea how to wear a scarf. I didn’t know how to tie a scarf or what to wear a scarf with.

Then something happened. I realized that I had the internet. I did a little googling and found a few handy instructional videos on how to tie a scarf. I also discovered that as it turns out, you can wear a scarf with anything!

Thus began my scarf fetish. What did I do before scarves? Scarves are the easiest accessory I can imagine. It takes about 30 seconds to dress up any top with a scarf which is about how much time/patience I have for accessorizing. Scarves work for both casual and professional outfits. I even have Mr. Rose sporting a man scarf occasionally!

For your viewing pleasure, my scarf collection. The cheapest scarf in the bunch rang in at $3 and the most expensive retailed for $300 (not that I paid that much for it!). Can you tell which was the cheapest and which was the priciest?

Polyester Pants. Shudder.

2010-02-16T12:00:00.000-07:00

Normally when I forget to blog for days at a time I have no excuse. Now I have the excuse that I feel vommie all the time. Last night as I was throwing up dinner my actual thought was “nooooooooo…my nutrients!!!” That was a wasted pile of broccoli. Of course, did I steam myself some more broccoli? No peeps, I did not. I had just thrown up. So naturally I had a chips & salsa and ice cream chaser.

And you know what is even more gross than sending back dinner every night? Polyester pants. I have officially started to ‘grow’ out of my regular work pants. So I find myself in the awkward in between phase. I’m not big enough to move into maternity pants but I’ve grown out of my regular pants.

Taking the advice of my pre-natal books I decided to buy some one size up pants that will hopefully tide me over for the next 4 – 6 weeks. I hope that winter will end in this time and that I can then just purchase summer weight maternity pants (c’mon universe, work with me on this one).

Anyways, what this boils down to is a trip to an outlet Reitman’s having a buy one get one 50% off sale. I wanted 2 pairs of pants and I wanted to spend no more than $40. I mean, how much are you willing to pay for pants you’ll wear for 6 weeks? I managed to get 2 pairs for a mere $23.

The downside? They are polyester. Shudder. I can’t remember the last time I wore polyester pants. Do you see how much this baby is changing my life already?!?!? And there is nothing you can do to camouflage cheap pants!

I want a sign to wear. Today my sign would say “I don’t normally wear ugly pants, I’m pregnant!” A few weeks ago it might have said “I don’t normally throw up behind dumpsters, I’m pregnant!” A few weeks from now I think it might say “Hey, I can fart loudly in public if I want to, I’m pregnant!”

Now, where did I put those goals...

2010-02-08T14:20:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and realized that I have been feeling uninspired about my career. This struck me as odd because I really like my job, the field I work in and the company I work for. I don’t leap for joy in the morning on workdays but I certainly look forward to my work week.

So, what’s the problem? The problem is that I used to have a very specific career goal. I wanted to be an arts administrator, specifically a GM for a small to medium sized arts organization.

Some life experience later and that’s no longer my goal. But I forgot to pick up a new goal. And then Project Baby came along and has really thrown a wrench into things. It took longer to successfully conceive than I thought it would so career planning got pushed to the back burner for longer than I anticipated. My company offered me a wonderful training opportunity that I had to turn down because I wasn’t sure I would be able to complete it. I can’t move up where I am but mat leave prevents me from pursuing other opportunities in the near future. Then you have to factor in the possible second child which then raises costs of child care and whether or not it’s really economically sensible for me to go back to work.

I know this stuff may seem ridiculous to worry about now but I function better with some long-range planning.

So, here I am on a gloomy February afternoon feeling the full weight of the uncertainty of my future. And if you know me, you know that nothing makes me more unhappy than uncertainty.

How can I have career goals when a family will likely derail any plans I make? Will I keep working if we have a second child? Is it crazy to worry about these things when I haven’t even birthed one child yet? Am I cut out to be a stay-at-home mom to any number of children? Will I start to resent work taking time away from my family? Is it possible to find challenging, stimulating part-time work? Does being in a position of authority at work really matter to me?

The sun better come out soon or I might lose myself in all these worries.

Mommyblogger to be....that's me!

2010-02-03T15:01:00.002-07:00

Okay but seriously, I don't think I can ever be a true mommyblogger. I haven't done too much reading in the genre but most mommybloggers I have checked out make me throw up a little. In fact, I have some serious fears about becoming a mommy.

Look, I know that most women who are 14 weeks pregnant are all glowy and dewy fresh and living a perfect tampon commercial life. But did you really think pregnancy would be like that for me? Nay friends. It has been a nauseous, sexless, vomit-y, achy, exhausted, whiny whiny whiny time for me. (I hear the second trimester gets better...fingers crossed!)

All this vomiting probably explains my negative state of mind...seriously, you try throwing up dinner every day for 3 weeks straight and we'll see how positive you are! So, while I'm sure I will get to that excited place right now I am living in mommy fear.

I mean...what have I done? I am growing something inside me that will be completely dependent on my for survival, a tiny ball of constant demands with very little regard for my own needs or state of mind. It's already completely fucking with my sleeping patterns and ability to drink Diet Coke and it's just a fetus!

And worse than that...what if I turn into a mommy-bot? Sure I'm all liberal and cool with harm reduction philosophies now but people change when they become parents. They move to the suburbs, vote Conservative and get nervous around homeless people.

Here's hoping the panic attacks also subside in the second trimester.

ps. squeeeee! okay, maybe I'm a little excited :)

Theme Song

2010-01-20T15:41:00.003-07:00

I've been watching a lot of Ally McBeal lately and while I frequently want to punch Calista Flockhart in her pouty lips, I took something of value from a recent episode. One of the things I really like about the show is the use of music, or an inner soundtrack, to assist in the functions of everyday life.

Fortunately I don't work in a high stress environment with my ex-boyfriend who I am still in love with, his 'beautiful' wife, and a host of self-absorbed lawyer types. I do, however, have the same need to calm myself down, diffuse emotionally charged situations, and jazz myself up to deal with challenges.

So, I've been on the hunt for a theme song and I think I have finally settled on a favorite by the Proclaimers, I'm On My Way. If you're unfamiliar with the song, watch the wacky video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1yYDuSf3C4

I know, it has some vaguely Christian overtones about the next life and the video is truly terrible. But I have never heard this song and been able to stop my toes from tapping. It's light and kicky and great fun to sing along with. Most of all, it works.

Earlier today somebody was getting all up in my grill about something and I started playing the opening chords in my head. I immediately felt better, dealt with the conflict in an efficient and cheerful manner and did a little grapevine dance move down the hall afterwards.

So, do you have a theme song? Maybe even one that you use unconsciously?

Montreal in March

2010-01-11T21:21:00.003-07:00

...and then some other vacation days passed in a blur. And now I am back to the daily grind.

Exciting news today! I get to present at a fancy-pants conference in Montreal in March! Fortunately I just submitted for a poster presentation so I don't have to be a completely grown-up lady addressing a crowd for 50 minutes. I figure on a lot of standing and the answering of a few vague questions. I mean, I still have to look like a grown-up lady while I stand next to my poster about how to create a social marketing campaign for STI's to diverse communities.

OK, actually, I know the poster presentation thing seems easy but I'm feeling a bit queasy about it. What if people are really interested and ask me questions I don't know how to answer?? What if I'm not enough of a social marketing expert?? What if they see through my grown-up lady sham?? Somebody might figure out that a not-so grown-up lady lurks beneath my expensive suit and accessories (mental note: buy expensive suit and accessories).

I am not from the world of academia! I am not used to talking about my research or methodologies! So basically I'm half excited and half terrified. Here's hoping that the terror ebbs away as I prepare my materials.

p.s. truly I think it a very grown-up thing to present at a professional conference in my industry! And surely it will look good on the old resume, no?

The Week Off: Days 2&3

2010-01-06T19:30:00.002-07:00

Today I was starting to feel a little stir crazy so I took myself out for pancakes and a painful return experience at EB Games. But let's be honest, have you ever had an EB Games experience that wasn't painful? No? Because you're not a video game nerd like me? Well, you're better off for it.

Tragically, all the pre and post Christmas shopping has left me with mall ennui and after wandering around listlessly for 15 minutes I left. I guess I have a shopping limit after all. Back to the tv.

How many hours of Ally McBeal can you watch in a day? Well apparently 4 episodes is my max but I think that's too many because I don't like Ally by the end of it. How many hours of The Tudors can you watch in a day? Apparently there's no limit to the amount of drool I have for hot, hot Henry VIII. Though he's doing less fucking in Season 3 he still manages to be shirtless for a little bit in each episode.

Peeps, I can't think of the last time I watched this much tv. By the end of the day today I was back to reveling in it. It feels so luxurious to just loll about all day alternating hot Tudors with hot time travelling Scots (hello trashy romance novel).

To balance out my sloth (and pancakes) I ate half a cantaloupe and bowl of carrots. And I promise that when it finally warms up this weekend I'll go out for a walk. At least to the corner store.

The Week Off: Day 1

2010-01-04T20:54:00.003-07:00

I accidentally slept until noon today. The snooze button and I had a bit of a disagreement this morning about what a 'snooze' actually was, or something, it was all very hazy. In some ways it was a rather fitting start to my day.

I rolled into jam-jams and hoofed it out to the couch to read Audrey Niffenegger's latest book, Her Fearful Symmetry. I hesitate to recommend it. I think if you read it, you would be best to stop about 3/4 of the way through. You'd be better off being left cliff-hung than having to muddle through a truly confusing and off-putting ending. A very strange second offering from this author. If you haven't read it, I would say go for Time Traveler's Wife and skip over this one. I'm not quite ready to give up on her as a writer though. I still really like Niffenegger's voice so I would likely purchase her next offering.

I also got to watch a truly awesome episode of What Not To Wear (two VHS tapes filled with episodes of WNTW was the best xmas gift ever Mom!!) where they made over former child actress Mayim Balik (Blossom!!). She has a PhD in Neuroscience (anyone? anyone know what neuroscientists do??) and some seriously bad hair. Also all that WNTW has really inspired me to do a thorough closet eval tomorrow. If I can find my camera charger I may provide photos...

Oh, hello

2010-01-03T13:32:00.003-07:00

I didn't see you there. I've been in a haze of back pain for the greater part of my Christmas holiday and it's making me seriously grumpy. Fortunately I am awash in unused overtime so I still have a week off.

When some people take a week off early in the new year they fill their days with lists of life-improving projects. Not me. In fact I have no plans at all for this week stretching ahead of me. I have a vague desire to re-org my closet and throw away holey underpants but all this TV on DVD I received may just win out.

I have been thinking about a blog redesign though. This sad old Blogger template has been getting me down lately. And, one of the reasons I started this blog was to improve my writing skills. I don't feel like a lot of the writing I have been doing lately has been doing anything to reach that goal. I hope that a snazzy new look for the blog will give me a kick in the butt, writing-wise.

So, I guess that's almost a New Year's resolution...or as close as I can get to making a resolution. 2010, I sincerely hope that you're going to be a good year for me. Things are looking good so far...

A Christmas Puzzle

2009-12-24T10:52:00.003-07:00

I'm just hanging out listening to a little Beyonce, you know getting into the Christmas spirit? I'm already fully in vacation mode. I should be showering and prepping to look festive for tonight's celebration. Instead I'm still in my bathrobe, aimlessly surfing the interwebs. I just spent the last half hour reading posts about spending the holidays with your own family vs. the in-laws.

And what is the conclusion I have come to? I am a selfish girl and Santa should not be so good to me this year. Mr. Rose and I have been married for 7 years now and we have only spent 1 Christmas entirely with his family (and that was the year they paid for us to go somewhere tropical!).

His family used to split their time evenly between here and Victoria. In these past 7 years they have only gone to Victoria once. We actually went that year but we flew on Christmas Day so that I wouldn't have to miss Christmas morning with my family. There is something unspoken there and they seem to just sense that I won't choose to be without my family.

Admittedly, Mr. Rose is not exactly brimming with opinions about what we should and where we should go. He's a go with the flow kind of guy who is generally happy for me to steam along making all of our decisions.

Sometimes this bothers me but I realize now that at Christmas I just let it happen so that things work out for my benefit. This was actually the first year they directly asked us to with them for Christmas. There are actually good reasons on both sides for why we should have gone or why we should stay here.

Ultimately I won and here we are. I thought it was because my reasons were better but now that I'm ruminating on it, I wonder if I wasn't just being entirely selfish.

But I can only be so funked out about it. It is Christmas Eve after all! :) I've got to get showered and styled and then there's a 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle and a glass of nog calling my name.

Merry Christmas!

Christmas: scary religious holiday?

2009-12-21T15:08:00.000-07:00

Allow me to preface this by saying that I don’t prescribe to a set of religious beliefs. Organized religion in general makes me a bit queasy as I find humans in large groups rarely act in an ethical manner.

My family isn’t religious at all. And yet, at midnight on Christmas Eve the youngest member of the family present puts Jesus in his place in the nativity scene and we sing a heartwarming a cappella version of Away in a Manger or Silent Night (just depending on where our groove is at that year). After we all hug every other person and wish them a Merry Christmas.

This is one of my fondest Christmas memories and the only time during the season when a whiff of Christianity enters our celebrations. So, if you take that out, are we really celebrating the birth of Christ or are we celebrating a Canadian holiday that involves turkey, booze and family gatherings?

Just because something is a religious holiday does that mean that the only way to celebrate it is to subscribe to it’s doctrine? I mean, wasn’t Christmas originally placed where it was to make it easier for the pagans to switch over to being Christian? (C’mon guys, our celebrations are at the same time…why not make a change this holiday season?) And I thought that people don’t even think that Jesus was born in December.

I have been told that I can’t have the Christmas without the Christ. Bully to that I say. Can’t Christmas just be an end of year celebration? Or just a cultural celebration? Who cares if we stole it from the Christians? I mean, they stole it from someone else in the first place.

Christmas: the non-denominational holiday. Gingerbread men and women a must, angel shaped sugar cookies optional. Either that or I guess I have to start celebrating Festivus. And I don’t think I’m up for the feats of strength.

Ennnnnnnnnnnui

2009-12-16T11:30:00.005-07:00

It's suddenly December 16th and I find myself remiss in my Christmas duties. Cookies and cards sit unmailed! Presents for the challenging family members remain unbought (damn you brother! and 17-year old cousin!). And let's not even get into the wrapping. Many a ribbon lies uncurled in my festive gift wrap supply bag.

The latest cold snap has brought on a serious case of the winter lazies. Every day or two I lament(to anyone who will listen)..."December X! Oh woe, I am so behind!"

To be honest, I'm having a bit of life ennui right now. And some serious blog ennui! I recognize that some of this is being caused by a medication I'm on that is causing some serious all day drowsiness but it's more than just that. I'm just un-pumped about the same-same-ness of life.

I have this niggling feeling that nothing we do matters. I have been trying to read motivational e-books to counteract this but I am having a hard time believing that one person can actually make a difference.

Excuse while I go mope and grouse for a bit now. Perhaps I'll do a bit of reading about the state of politics in Alberta right now. That might light a fire under me!

Ruminations on Winter Driving

2009-12-09T16:59:00.003-07:00

Oh no, I have slipped into my poor blogging habits of yore. I sense one of those resolutions coming on. And now, on to more important things...my musings on winter driving.

Seriously Calgarians, you are surprised by this fluffy white stuff falling from the sky? I don't see how it's possible since much of it has been laying on the ground for many weeks now. And yet, the way you drive it is as if you are experiencing snow for the very first time.
Here's a quick lesson for you: hot things are hot, cold things are cold, and ice is slippery. I thought that was basic knowledge gained by the age of 2 but once again I appear to have overestimated the intellectual capacity of the vast majority of humans.
Snow tires. I suggest you look into them. Yes, I realize they are expensive but, frankly, driving a car is expensive. If you drive a small, light, Japanese made human mover, just do it. Trust me, it makes a world of difference.
If you can't do it, don't. Look, I know that public transit is a real pain the ass at the best of times but if you are not capable of handling your vehicle after a light dusting of festive powder, just don't. Don't drive if you can't handle winter roads.
"The person in front of me stopped so quickly, what was I supposed to do?" is not an excuse for rear ending someone. Sometimes a quick stop is required. Again, I thought safe following distance was a pretty straight forward concept. Apparently not so much.

In the end, I made it home accident free. But I was reminded why I avoid winter driving like the plague. I am not the best winter driver but I can certainly handle myself safely on the roads. Unlike what appeared to be 50% of my fellow drivers here in Calgary where winter driving conditions can be the norm for up to 4 months a year.

Life Could Be a Dream...

2009-11-18T16:36:00.002-07:00

I recently read the book and watched the movie, Revolutionary Road. I enjoyed both and it got to me to thinking about why women are always portrayed to be so unhappy in marriages in the 50’s.

There are a few reasons that I have seen posed for why married women in the 50’s were so unhappy with their lives:

1. Money - I have a job and I make my own money but really everything I make gets swallowed up into a joint account that pays for our lives. Mr. Rose and I each get an allowance for discretionary spending and everything else falls into budgeted categories.

If I stopped working, would I somehow feel different about the money in our account? I really don’t think I would. If I wasn’t working it would be because I was staying at home and raising kids. That and keeping a house is just as much work as trudging off every day to push papers in a cubicle.

2. Career – I have got to say that I think raising kids can be way more fulfilling than some soulless desk job. Would you rather be an admin assistant fetching and scheduling or an active mom shaping the minds of the next generation? If you’re not challenged by raising your kids, you are not doing it right. They are little sponges that you can pour infinite amounts of time and creativity and knowledge into.

3. Social Networks – C’mon! I know that not every suburban housewife will be to your taste but there have got to be some like-minded souls in your neighbourhood that you want to get the occasional Friday two-martini lunch buzz on with. Oh, and have you considered living in a college town instead of burying yourself in the boonies?

You know what I think it is? These women never had a chance to sow their wild oats. People have oats and they need to be sowed. Men get to go away to war and live this different, exciting reality. I’m not saying that war is pleasant but it’s certainly a change of scenery and seems to involve a lot of drinking, whoring, and playing with guns.

I think way more women would have been satisfied to settle down and raise a family if they were actually settling down from something. Your entire life can’t be played on the same note. You need variety. And what’s more, when you are young you need to indulge. You need to explore. You need to experiment.

Thoughts? Agree? Disagree? Wish you lived in the 50’s just for the cute dresses?

Talking Whilst Peeing

2009-11-18T16:13:00.000-07:00

Where do you stand on talking while peeing? I myself am not bothered by it, but several people in my life are extremely averse to it.

Admittedly, in the home bathroom, it’s just more trouble than it’s worth. It’s a solid door and the toilet is as far away from the door as possible (which I hate, by the way. I like being close to the door so that if somebody tries to walk in I can reach out and hold the door closed. I once had a random stranger walk in on me in a single stall bathroom and I have never quite recovered from the embarrassment).

Anyways, home bathroom involves a lot of shouting. But what about the multi-stalled public washrooms? We have a three-stall number at work and in an office full of women, we encounter each other in the washroom fairly regularly. I’ve noticed that most people will lapse into an awkward silence as they head into their respective stalls. These are the people who don’t like to talk while they pee.

I don’t get it. Doesn’t the silence make it worse? Then all you can hear is the sound of two people peeing? Doesn’t it make you even more self-conscious? Or is it something other than self-consciousness that causes you to fall silent?

I understand being self-conscious about, say, ‘reading a magazine’ (if you don’t watch HIMYM, that’s code for taking a poo. Also, watch HIMYM immediately!!). But let’s be honest, if a woman approaches the bathroom and enters a stall at the same time as a co-worker (even if she is armed with Poo-Pourri) there is very little chance that she will actually read that magazine.

So, what’s the deal? I’ve never had a problem talking while peeing. What is about pee talking that causes others so much anguish?

Stuff

2009-11-15T13:32:00.003-07:00

I'm swimming in a pile of stuff right now. The great office move of '09 has been going on for two months now. When I started working from home on a semi-regular basis I decided that we needed to move the office into the downstairs room that we always intended to be an office. I gleefully said goodbye to the old broken desk with it's uncomfortable and decidedly un-ergonomic setup. Although, by goodbye I don't mean to imply that it isn't still lurking around in the upstairs no longer an office and thus purposeless room upstairs.

We got a lovely new Ikea desk, so pleasingly large and providing of wondrous work space. But then we had to buy more stuff to store our office stuff. This new office room does have two closets but they are already tasked for storing our basement stuff. And other shelves store our DVD's, photo albums, books, CD's, sewing paraphernalia, etc, etc, etc.

So, now we have a lovely Ikea shelf (in black brown to match our Ikea desk and bookshelves) that's holding our office stuff and oh my god I have so much stuff!!!!

I threw out an entire box of cassette tapes. Why have I been holding on to cassette tapes?? Am I really going to pop the New Kids on the Block Christmas album into my Walkman and go for a stroll around the neighbourhood? Nay! I will pirate that album and download it onto my iPod. I mean, electronic stuff is totally different right?

So, yes, some stuff is useless and I'm working Mr. Rose pretty hard to rid ourselves of it (seriously, we own 4 coffee tables and have no room in our house for even one coffee table!!). But this other stuff, well, it seems necessary. Three different sizes of envelopes seems excessive but Mr. Rose mails out scripts and letters so they get used (albeit quite slowly). You don't just throw away hundreds of dollars of Philosophy texts (okay, I don't quite get this because I sold all my school books back at the end of every semester) because you may want to read or refer to them later. The Orson Scott Card collection? I've read all of those books at least twice and will probably read them again later in life.

But still, I'm drowning in stuff here people!! How do you deal with your stuff? How do you keep it from overwhelming you? If you live a stuffless existence, please tell me how do you do it?!?!

Vacation

2009-11-14T10:33:00.003-07:00

I have a little notebook with a half dozen ideas for blog posts. I have had the entire week off. I have accomplished almost nothing.

I have a hard time being productive when I have time off work. Normally I would go on vacation which would keep me busy and active but this was a (shudder) 'staycation'. I was using up some overtime and a very jealous Mr. Rose didn't have any vacation days to take (he may make more money but I get more time. It works out very well for me actually!).

Now, I'm normally a getting shit done kind of person. I work hard at work (when there's work to do!), I volunteer anywhere from 10 - 25 hours a month, I read obsessively, and I have a few other hobbies that fill up my time. I'm not one of those crazy energizer bunny people but I have been known to be very productive.

For some reason though, when I have a stretch of time off work with no ostensible purpose I slide down into being this lazy blob-like creature. If I manage to shower, put on pants and heat up my own soup for lunch it has been a good day.

I mean, I do things. I read, I watch movies, I bake. But I'm certainly not making the most of my time. Unless slothing about is making the most of your time? Is it?

It's weird because on the one hand I find it enjoyable but on the other hand I kind of loathe myself at the end of the day.

Also, I hate the word staycation and I can't believe I stooped to using it in a blog post. And now I have to get Mr. Rose up and going. There's only two days left before work and I have to get things done!!!!!

Making a Real Difference

2009-10-31T21:52:00.001-07:00

I’m just sitting here innocently, cruising through my Google Reader (product placement) and listening to Mr. Rose shout incomprehensible football language at the TV, when all of a sudden Tim Horton's launches a attack on my soul.

It was a commercial telling me all about the wonderful work Tim Horton's is doing with South American coffee growers. Training these hard working young men so that they can one day be successful business men. These men assured us that they were working as hard as they could so that they could one day be successful coffee growers.

I’m sorry, but has Tim Horton's started buying fair trade coffee? At $1.50 a cup I don’t think so. (admission: I don’t know how much coffee at Timmy’s costs as I don’t drink it, but I do get the feeling from others that it’s more than 7-11 and less than Starbucks)

I looked into Timmy’s “Coffee Partnership” and what it appears to be is teaching poor Colombian farmers how to grow higher quality crops. Of course, unless I am mistaken, these small farmers have to turn their product over to a market that is no more motivated to pay those farmers any more for their higher quality crops.

Of course, this is the system. Those producing the raw natural resources are at the bottom of the food chain. They do the most amount of heavy, difficult labour and reap the smallest amount of the products. Bloated corporations reap the majority off the fat, privileged citizens of Western society. We can’t grow coffee here but we must have exactly what we want, when we want and we have the means to make that happen. Never mind that 80% of the population is scraping by to find the basic necessities for life, we want a piping hot double double and we want it now!

Do you want to talk about actually making a difference Tim Horton's? Let’s have a chat about paying a ‘fair’ price for your coffee. Let’s talk about how a corporation can create partnerships that actually benefit other human beings. If you’re not going to actually sell fair trade coffee the least you can do is not push your bullshit Coffee Partnership on us as if you’re doing anything to actually make a difference.

Slutty (insert anything here)

2009-10-26T18:50:00.002-07:00

I'm not the biggest fan of the word slut but I just can't think of a better word to describe the costumes we'll be surrounded with in the coming week. I'm not saying that these girls are engaging with multiple sexual partners, nor that their number of sex partners is too high...I'm not commenting on their sex lives at all.

But daaaaamn, the slut comes out for Halloween.

So far (and we're still a full week away) I have seen the slutty bar wench, the slutty devil (real original), the slutty bunny, the slutty viking, the slutty princess (not Disney approved), and what can only be described as a slutty slut.

I know it's been said before but when did all women's Halloween costumes standardize at the slut setting?

I know that it's an opportunity for women to bust out of their shells and break free from the shackles of the form-hiding business suit. I know that costumes allow people a measure of freedom (it's not me, it's my crazy costume!).

But is that really what all of our inner selves want to bust out into? Slut? Oh, how I long for the creative costumes of yore. Pregnant zombie bride...where are you now? Cutesy literary couples...do you not wish to show your booky nerdery any longer?

Frankly, even a fairy princess with concealed nipples would satisfy me now. And that's just a sad, sad statement.

The Standing Ovation

2009-10-25T13:30:00.002-07:00

Have I ranted to you yet about how much I despise standing ovations? I hate that every travelling Broadway performance at the Jubilee gets one. I have that opening nights apparently have a mandatory ovation. But most of all, I hate the expectation that once 51% percent of the crowd is on their feet everyone else will follow.

I stand for great theatre. Now, I won't lie, I have stood for those travelling big box shows because otherwise I'm sitting down all alone and can't even see the people on stage I'm clapping for. But I do not stand for anything else unless it actually compels me to leap to my feet once the show is done. Which means that I've given about 5 genuine standing ovations in my life.

We went to see I, Claudia at ATP last week and it was a good little show. It's been travelling already for three years so it was polished. It was also a one-woman show, with mask work (high ovation potential). It was good, maybe even great, but it wasn't fantastic. I enjoyed it, I would recommend it, I did not stand for it. About half the audience got to their feet sluggishly and patchily at the end (a sure sign of an obligation ovation).

As we were walking out, the chatty Cathys who have subscription ticket seats behind ours were commenting about how Mr. Rose and I obviously didn't like the show very much. In a slightly disparaging way. I almost, ALMOST, turned around to inform them of my standing ovation philosophy and the ask them why they have ruined the power of the ovation for the rest of us(and ask them to, for the love of god, please be quiet during the play. yes, even when there is a scene transition. I do not care how many schools Sarah is applying to this year. Intermissions are for your chatting!! (shut up, shut up, shut up).

Is this really the place we have come to? If you don't stand, you don't like it? And why are you taking away the thing that says not just 'I liked it' but 'I loved it'.

So, I'm looking for suggestions. The sheep have taken away my ovation so I need to replace it with something else. I was thinking of bringing back that Aresenio Hall 'woof, woof' arm movement. I'm not sure how that will go over at some of the classier joints in town though. Any thoughts?

Pursetopia

2009-10-18T14:07:00.004-07:00

eeps! I have been very remiss in my blogging. The weight of the world is upon this month. My usual November grumps have been bumped up by this endless gloomy weather we've been having. Global warming, you are messing with my seasons!

But I did the great clothing swap this week. Putting away all those cute summer sandals and tee's. Pulling out the cozy sweaters and winter boots. So while I was at it, I pulled out all my purses and did a little photo shoot. I know that I need to reduce my collection as I don't carry some of these anymore but I struggle more with cleansing purses than anything. Whether I bought it for 500 baht or 50 euros I have a peculiar attachment to my purses.

But I need to upgrade my collection. I need a truly grown-up lady, leather handbag. And when a bag like that finally gets added, some of my younger days cloth bags will have to go. But not my new flannel, plaid bag. Because I love it. A little too much.

It's a little hard to see in detail on this picture but my personal favorites are the plaid bag (right), the little maroon velvet bag (in front of plaid bag), the woven beach bag with bow (hanging in middle), and the black bag with adorable red ribbon (left).

Also, I just realized that this is 16 bags! I can see 4 that I can lose which should free up enough room on my shelves for that grown-up lady purse. Now if only I hadn't already spent my clothing allowance for October and November.

Gloomy Fall Days

2009-10-03T13:43:00.002-07:00

This morning I awoke and threw open my curtains with that special Saturday morning glee. I was greeted by heavy gray skies and a weather forecast that's calling for snow.

Outwardly I'm grumpy as all heck about this. Secretly, on the inside, I'm as satisfied as a napping cat. By 3:30 today I will have finished all my weekend commitments and can spend the rest of my time lounging and shopping.

And there is nothing I like more than lounging with gray skies outside. I go to a lot of effort in the winter to make sure that I'm still getting out and doing things. I hate the way people hibernate so completely as soon as the snow falls. We live in an arctic desert here people. If you hibernate all winter, you're giving up a third of your year!!

But I do understand. Bundling up inside is somehow more acceptable in winter than summer. In the summer you're always trying to get outside and enjoy the weather while you can! Suddenly it's not okay to just sit and read a book for 4 hours, even if you do it outside. You need to be hiking and gardening and home reno-ing. There's very little acceptable sitting time when you have 15 hours of sun.

Fall hibernating is where it's at. It still feels novel and luxurious after all that forced outdoorsyness of the summer. Fleecy pants and warm blankets, long baths and hot cocoa, thick books and movie marathons, I love it all!

Now all I have to remember to do is to poke my head out come November so I don't fall into a winter rut. But for this afternoon/tonight it's World Without End, Sense and Sensibility (the movie) and a warm vanilla sugar scented bath. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Walking the Walk

2009-09-20T20:18:00.004-07:00

My heart isn't in it peeps. I have had an exhausting and truly trying week. Life is busy, tummy's have been nauseous and exercise goals have been abandoned. But I realized that this is week 26 of my attempt at blogging once a week for 6 months. And if I failed tonight I would have to start all over again. So I'm blogging it out, half assed Sunday night style.

Today was the AIDS Walk so I was up disgustingly early for a Sunday. When I'm really nervous about waking up on time my body does this amazing thing where it wakes me up 20 minutes before the alarm goes off and I'm incapable of falling back asleep. Helpful for early morning uni exams, also helpful but not so necessary for 5:40 wake up times when really 6:15 would have done me. I really felt the loss of those extra minutes this morning.

I actually did the walk last week with our organizing committee since we're working on the day of the event. I wrangle media which involves twiddling my thumbs for hours and then running at full tilt for the longest 45 minutes ever. Dealing with media is actually the least favorite part of my job. I don't know why because when you break it down it's a fairly simple task but it's one of the only things in my work that causes me stress.

Anyways, I beat my fundraising goal! Hurrah! My target was $1,000. I actually raised $1,100 last year but economic climate blah blah blah, I thought I should be a bit more conservative this year. I finished off at $1,255 which I'm quite proud of.

I am glad that it's done and that life at the office will settle back down. Oh wait, there's that conference we're putting on next month, and then our holiday events. dangit.

Is it Christmas break yet??

Scooter mechanic extraordinaire!

2009-09-07T15:19:00.003-07:00

Well, it's official. I am now a certified scooter mechanic. I can call myself that after I learn how to perform basic maintenance right? right?

Alright, maybe not. But I am still pretty darned proud of myself for having serviced my own scooter. I used to take Gracie into the hoity toity mechanic attached to the Vespa dealership. It was close to my house and despite their hoit and toit the staff were actually pretty friendly. When ye olde Vespa dealership closed down I had to resort to taking the scoot-sccot into the mechanics attached to the place where I bought Gracie.

A motorcycle shop.

I hate the motorcycle shop. The motorcycle people poo-poo me. And the mechanics are not nearly so friendly. They're all "what do you just need an oil change?" and I'm all "no, dude I need you to look at whatever needs to get looked at. and, yes, also change the oil."

They totally judge me for my lack of bike fixing skills. So I cracked open my manual, watched a couple You Tube videos and learned how to do it myself. I checked my brake pads (still good), tires (also, good), decreased the front and back brake freeplay, noted that the crankcase breather tube needed to be drained (though forgot to actually drain it. oops!), and my piece de resistance: changed the oil.

I bought and wielded a torque wrench. I am woman, see my torque! (let's ignore the fact that Mr. Rose had to help because I didn't have enough strength to turn the damn bolt)

Now to balance out the extremely manly display of mechanical skill I put on this afternoon I think I shall spend the evening reading O Magazine, watching a rom-com and painting my fingernails bright pink.

Happy Labour Day!

My attempt to fundraise (pretty successful actually!)

2009-09-03T18:47:00.001-07:00

Last year was the first time I ever participated in a fundraising event. My original goal for my AIDS Walk participation last year was $50. I figured if all else failed that my mom would probably cough that up. I ended up raising over $1,100.

I'm not actually too comfortable asking people for money so I was totally amazed at myself. I didn't do a lot of in person asks but went the email/facebook route.

I really wasn't sure this year if I would be able to match what I did last year. Economic blah blah blah and all that. My approach this year was to try and get more small donors. People who would give $10 or $20. I'm still trying to play that card but I must admit that it feels to me like it is actually more difficult to get $10 from someone than $100.

I've had a number of large donations but only two small ones. Why is that, I wonder? I actually tend to give smaller donations for my friends causes because my larger sums are already allocated to my charities of choice.

I wonder if my ask email is too heavy-handed? Does it seem like you would be cheating me if you gave a small amount?

So, for your feedback, here is the email that I sent out to entice my friends and loved ones to sponsor me. I still have time to make my goal so please let me know if you think it's a good approach. Or share any fabulous tips you have for raising money for your cause of choice.

Hello Everyone,

It's that time of year again. The time when I ask you to dig into those pockets and donate generously to the AIDS Walk. I'm not ashamed to admit that before I started my job at AIDS Calgary, HIV wasn't something I ever gave too much thought to. I had never known anyone who was personally affected and in the scope of negative things in this world HIV had never worked it's way onto my radar.

My research when applying for the job, and of course the continual learning I do there now, really brought home to me what a serious issue HIV is today. Rates of transmission in Canada are not nearly as severe as those in sub-sarahan Africa but ask yourself, what is an acceptable rate of infection? Why are aboriginal women so over-represented in rates of new infections? Why has the rate of new infections rose nearly 30% in Alberta over the past 3 years? Why is it okay for someone who is HIV positive to experience stigma and discrimination in their everyday lives?

I won't preach too much at you, just enough for you to understand why I raise money for this cause. I believe in the work that I do every day, I believe that AIDS Calgary makes a difference in the lives of our clients, and I believe that every dollar I raise has an impact.

It doesn't have to be much. I am grateful for every single dollar that I raise. If you can only give $10, I appreciate those $10 from the bottom of my heart. Though I will point out that $25 gets you a tax receipt. :)

I hope that you find yourself in a position to make a donation towards my goal of $1,000 this year. If you find yourself unable to give financially I hope that you will send your positive vibes my way on September 20th.

Click here to make your donation: http://my.e2rm.com/personalPage.aspx?registrationID=694587

I Wore a Hat!

2009-08-31T20:52:00.003-07:00

This past weekend I received an award. Which I had to accept in front of a crowd of 200 (ish). I was so nervous all night (of course it was almost at the end of a 2 hour awards ceremony) that I both felt like vomiting and peeing my pants for most of the evening (the nervous pee's are the worst).

The oh so talented Mr. Rose helped me craft my acceptance speech and I practiced it twice in the car and yet when I was on stage I was still so nervous that my entire body was vibrating.

On the car ride home I was musing about why on earth I get so nervous on stage. I speak in front of people all the time. I deliver presentations to groups of strangers, I do media interviews (print, radio, tv, pre-recorded, live, you name it), I just don't have a problem with public speaking.

But being on stage is horrifying for me. I have acted in a show once. I was a last minute replacement in a 5 minute sketch and I didn't stop being vomitously nervous until the final performance.

After much musing I did finally figure it out. The difference is stage lights. When I deliver workshops or presentations, I can see the people I'm talking to. I can make eye contact and alter my delivery to suit the mood of the crowd. In a media interview I'm ultimately talking to the person interviewing me. And a camera lens is different than a crowd because it's more like talking to a piece of furniture.

But there is something about the indiscernible crowd that completely wigs me out. I know that there are people out there but I have no idea how they're reacting to me. And for some reason I find that terrifying.

Most people with public speaking issues are the other way around. They can talk to a crowd with lights in their eyes exactly because they can't see the people.

The gist? I have no gist. Just sharing a little Lady Rose moment with y'all. And I wanted the opportunity to share this photo with you. I think I finally managed to pull off the wearing of a hat:

Pantyhose are from the Devil

2009-08-25T19:39:00.002-07:00

The real reason that I could never be a 50's housewife (like, actually in the 50's) is pantyhose. I freaking hate pantyhose. But I hate my bare, chubby, glowingly white legs more. So on the rare occasion that wrangle myself into the ONE dress that I own, I also pull out my ONE pair of pantyhose.

Monday night was the annual theatre awards show that I attend with members of the theatre board that I sit on. I found myself with a serious lack of dressy pants and decided that since it had been two years I could wear said ONE dress again without anyone noticing. One person noticed. Drat! I even accessorized in turquoise instead of red!

Anyways, if all the fashionistas out there are done cringing (done ladies?) I will now regale you with my tale of pantyhose horrors.

sidebar: I actually own two dresses. But one looks so hideous on me I don't know why I keep it. And I guess my wedding dress counts. So three dresses. And a number of long skirts not appropriate for a formal event (but can be worn with knee high hose, which I hate slightly less than a full hose).

Being a petite plus sized girl comes with a variety of challenges. Basically, nothing fits. Pantyhose are no exception. They are either so big that I have to roll them up into my armpits or not wide enough to accommodate my generous behind and thus fall prey to the worst of hose horrors, slippage.

I had to climb what felt like an unusually large number of stairs which then required no less than 5 seperate bathroom trips to attempt to correct my wayward hose. To no effect. Basically every time I took a step my hose started the move towards my knees.

Maybe I shouldn't have shaved my legs. That way the hose would have had something to grip to.

Let's just say that by the end of the night I was wearing a crotchless pair of hose with no less than 3 runs. I pulled those babies off the second we hit the parking garage, security cameras be damned.

The worst part of this tragedy? Another awards show this coming Saturday. Methinks I need to make a trip to the dressy pants department of the local mall.

Edmonton Fringe: Day 4

2009-08-18T21:18:00.003-07:00

and the long road home. Well, not long so much as dull.

Breaking the trend of the past 4 days, the first show we see is excellent. Edmund is sharp and clever, well crafted and well acted. Our friends from the rainy city are in attendance and we catch up on what we've seen the last two days. (they are seeing even more shows than we are!)An excellent start to our last day. 4 stars.

One green onion cake break later and we're in line for Ryan Paulson: I'm Uncomfortable. The magic of fringe brings another chance encounter and we while away 30 pleasant minutes (for me anyways) waiting for the show to start. Ryan is funny and sweet and genuine. His show is really stand-up and therefore not entirely what I'm looking for in a fringe experience but he finishes with a very catchy musical number. You know how I love a catchy musical number. 3 stars.

We dash off to buy a purse and retrieve rain gear from the car (picture of purse to follow in later post). Afterlife is our final show of the fringe and sends us out on a high note. The first of the three stories is my favorite, featuring an old-timey lady who becomes the Dr. Kevorkian of her community. An interesting concept and well executed. 4 stars.

I'm sorry to leave the Fringe (though my ass is supremely thankful for the end of uncomfortable metal chairs) and I can already sense those post-fringe blues sinking in. But I am sitting here typing this entry with a purring cat in my lap and I do love being home.

In total: 18 shows (only one of which was truly awful), 2 bags of mini-donuts (I cracked today and had another), 1 cute new purse, encounters with 3 genuine friends, run-ins with 5 friendly acquaintances (including one in Red Deer at our dinner stop on the way home), and head-ducking to avoid 3 not so friendly acquaintances.

A satisfying fringe indeed.

Edmonton Fringe: Day 3

2009-08-17T23:24:00.001-07:00

Day 3 at the Fringe and we decide to skip free breakfast for a sleep in. You spend so much time at the Fringe standing (in line) or sitting (in uncomfortable seats) that it’s glorious to spend some time lying down.

We rearranged our schedule to see Space and ultimately wish we hadn’t. One day someone will produce a funny sci-fi show. We’ll probably end up missing that one and just have memories of poorly done sci-fi humour. My lowest ranking yet. 1 star.

We decided to mix things up even further and do some walking around. At the mall!! West Edmonton Mall is like every other mall you’ve been to. But bigger. And with a sea lion. And a sloth. And a water park. And an amusement park. All those stores and all those purchasing options, where do we end up making a purchase? HMV. In my defence, in this enormous 2-floor HMV I found a tv show that I’ve been looking for to give to my mom for nearly 5 years. Score!

Battling my questionable navigation and rush hour traffic we barely squeak in to nggrfg. Fortunately the thinner Monday crowds mean that we still get a great seat. I really liked some individual bits in this show and some of his stories are genuinely touching. To be perfectly honest though I feel like this show is well received because it is a gay black man talking about being black and gay. 3 stars.

A 2-hour break in our schedule (crazy!) and we meet up with Sterling for dinner. Remember the Tao? We bumped into him earlier in the day and confirmed our meeting time. Still no cell phones! I eat vegetables for the first time in 3 days. My body thanks me.

Back to the stiflingly hot venue, Chaotica starts out with a ton of promise. A neat concept and an energetic performance keep my beer sleepies at bay. Ultimately though the show doesn’t build to any sort of climax, it just…ends. 2.5 stars.

We finish off the day with some classic Fringe sketch comedy as The Skinny Presents… Adventures in X-Ray Theatre. Hit and miss as all sketch seems to be, this isn’t the most polished performance I’ve ever seen. But they generate a few genuine laughs out of me with Star Wars references and Sylvia Plath jokes. 3 stars.

Tomorrow is our last day at the fringe. 3 shows and then the boring drive back to Calgary. Fortunately I still have the donut place in Red Deer to look forward to.

Edmonton Fringe: Day 2

2009-08-16T23:30:00.001-07:00

The pleasant words would be something like well organized or focused. Less generous would be anal retentive or controlling. Like all vacations, my fringe experience is guided by a spreadsheet detailing activities I will engage in each day.

When Fringing, I do make a heartfelt attempt to adapt to Mr. Rose’s Taoist approach to life. Go with the flow and all that. The spreadsheet is still with me at all times but I will not be a slave to it. Plans change and I attempt to bend to the will of the universe.

Despite a complete lack of a cell phone we manage to make plans with Sterling for the next day. The universe provided a chance encounter. Clearly I was meant to dine with Sterling tomorrow night. Stay centered in the Tao and the world comes to you.

Our opening show of the day leaves something to be desired. While I enjoyed the talented performance and physical movement in this piece, ultimately there wasn’t enough drive or build for my taste. A low energy start to me day. 2.5 stars.

We have to drive to the next venue which is a fair distance away from the main grounds. We make it in time and I thoroughly enjoy the world created for us in Grimmer than Grim. Fucked up fairy tales so disturbing that you have to laugh. 3.5 stars.

The venue for The Accident is so hot that I feel close to passing out 30 minutes in. The air is immobile and stifling and reeks of human. I try hard to focus on what I think is a great show. Another one that does a great job of combining physical movement and prose. 3.5 stars. And I think the venue cost this show at least .5 of a star.

A quick jaunt over to Pitch Blond where we meet up with a few friends from the rainy city. A lovely performance that would be fantastic for fans of Judy Holiday. An interesting snapshot of the period. 3 stars.

Belly full of all day breakfast we head over to our second viewing of Gordon’s Big Bald Head. The 7 Lives of Louis Riel provide the fodder for their improv tonight. Yesterday’s was better but I still almost peed myself at the scene done entirely in French by two men who have only Grade 4 french. Ou est le bibliotecque? 4.5 stars.

Our sixth show of the day and I’m starting to get a little punchy. Fringe days stretch out like taffy. Fruitcake is funnier than I thought it would be. The individual bits are very well delivered, a mix of verse and prose and beat spoken word. The overarching concept is weak but it ends with a musical number so who am I to complain? 3.5 stars.

Tomorrow we head to the mall in the morning for a bit of a break. Don’t worry, we’ll still manage to squeeze in at least 4 shows. I flow on.

Edmonton Fringe: Day 1

2009-08-15T23:57:00.002-07:00

Calgary to Edmonton. Easily the most boring and ugliest stretch of highway I have ever driven. With no Meatloaf to kick off our road trip I feel an emptiness inside of me. 5 minutes of car dancing to Madonna ultimately soothes my spirit. Edmonton Fringe, we have been too long apart.

Tickets secured we head off to our first show, Reflections on Giving Birth to a Squid. A low energy beginning to our fringe, this show is just not my cup of tea. Too many characters and too little action leave me feeling napish. 2.5 stars.

After a Diet Coke pit stop we head in for G-Men. I want to laugh and I am not disappointed. I haven’t seen Sterling in a show for 9 years (or thereabout) and it was great to see him on stage again. I always thought he was a talented artist. I give the show 3.5 stars. They lost .5 of a star when they involved me in an audience participation bit. shudder.

A quick zip over to our next show, Teaching Shakespeare. We scored a coveted plastic lawn chair in this venue that features benches on the stage as seating (just as awful as audience participation. shudder.). An hour of nerdtacular iambic pentameter jokes left me surprisingly satisfied. 3 stars.

Dinner break leaves me with a satisfied belly full of taco and mini donuts. A tweed purse caught my eye at one of the many handicraft stands. I was lured in with their one-of-a-kind patter but I shall not blow my clothing budget without checking out all the purses available to me at this fringe.

Gordon’s Big Bald Head have never let me down. This year’s Grand Theft Improv was exactly as good as I thought it would be. These guys are masters of long form improv and I was laughing hard from start to finish. 4.5 stars and we’re trying to rearrange our schedule so that we can go see it again.

The downside of seeing two long form improv shows back to back? It’s hard to live up to the standard that Gordon’s Big Bald Head sets. SCRATCH had several laugh out loud moments but ultimately I was thinking about a shower and hotel bed by the mid-point. 3 stars.

15 (ish) more shows and 1 mall visit still to come. But it’s safe to say that I’m already having a fringing good time.

Scooter Love

2009-08-11T20:57:00.006-07:00

I want this:

I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, but Lady Rose, you already have this:

Yes, it's true. I do already have it in blue. But think of all the outfits I could coordinate to a pink one! You know how really rich people have a garage filled with snazzy sports cars? Well, I could be a middle class person with a garage full of scooters!

But seriously, have I ever told you how much I love Gracie? She is truly a fine vehicle. Not only is she extremely cost efficient...hold up. Let me tell you how cost efficient she is. When I bought her 4 years ago I worked out the difference in cost between Gracie and the bus. We are a one car family and as Mr. Rose is a horrible transit snob I am the one bussing it to work. Anyways, as long as I rode her for three years (for at least 8 months of the year) she would work out to be the same cost as a bus pass. We've been going steady for 4 years now so I'm saving literally tens of dollars a month!!

And on top of her positive economic impact on my life (ready for this car drivers? $6 a month in gas. And that's with today's crazy gas prices! Used to be $4 a month) she is way, way, way better than the bus. The bus does not come and go exactly on my schedule. The bus is filled with crazy, smelly people. I frequently cannot get a seat on the bus.

The only crazy, smelly person on Gracie is me. And I always get the best seat. Plus, people think it's cool to drive a scooter. That's pretty much the only cool thing about me. I milk it a bit.

The only downside? For some reason people think it's okay to talk to me when I'm on her. But why? Do you talk to people in cars next to you if they have their windows rolled down? No, you do not. And it's always the same questions: what's the gas mileage on that? aren't you afraid to drive that on Calgary roads? what are you doing later tonight? Seriously, it wears on me.

Next weekend I'm going to learn how to change her oil. If I learn how to do the maintenance on her that's even more tens of dollars I'll save every year! Plus I'm considering become one of those snooty scooter people who ride in scooter rallies and talk about stuff like changing our own oil.

If that fails I may just bedazzle my jean jacket. Mostly because I like saying bedazzle. Surely that will continue to up my cool factor, no?

Shake Hands With the Devil

2009-08-10T19:42:00.003-07:00

...or Why I read books that I don't really like.

SHWTD is a perfect example of why I always slog on, slog on with a book I'm not truly enjoying. I have been reading this book for...well...for longer than I like to admit. I noticed that the book mark I was using in it was from two jobs ago. yipes.

To be fair, I always struggle with non-fiction. I read, primarily, for entertainment. But I get these pangs of conscience sometimes where I feel like I should know more about the world.

If you're not familiar, SHWTD is the story of the 1994 UN peacekeeping mission in Rawanda. The mission leader dude (that's his official military title) was a Canadian General (actually a Lieutenant General - what is the difference??).

The problem with the book is that Romeo Dallaire is a military guy and not a writer. So huge sections of the book are just facts about where he went and who he talked to and who tried to kill him.

In the end though, I found that I rather enjoyed that style. He wasn't trying to tug my heartstrings or manipulate my emotions. Dude just tells it like it is. I came away with an understanding of how a peacekeeping mission works and what, in fact, those peacekeepers DO.

sidebar: I often struggle with understanding what it is people DO. "Well, I'm the regional VP for Information Technologies." "Yes, so what do you dooooo?" "Well I supervise the regional implementation of information and technologies." "Uh-huh, uh-huh. So, again...what does that mean? What do you actually dooooooo in your office all day?" Other people's jobs are a mystery.

So, it turns out that it's really hard to be a peacekeeper. In fact, I don't think that the UN really knows what they're doing. How do you commit to a mission when you don't actually have any resources to guarantee?

This book was good for one thing. Making me angry. Not quite Naomi Klein angry but at least Eric Schlosser angry. Did I just compare the UN with MacDonalds? I don't think that even makes sense.

So, would I recommend this book? I would say...no. I want to say yes. But unless you're someone who's really into dry non-fiction you probably won't be too into this book. And there's probably just a Wiki entry you can read about the Rwandan genocide. :)

iTunes Revelations

2009-08-06T18:33:00.002-07:00

When I find a song I like I am prone to listening to it over and over and over (much to Mr. Rose's chagrin). My most recent discovery is Lady GaGa whose perky tunes about getting drunk and having rough sex have been cheering me during this odd spate of gloomy weather we've been having.

So I realized that I have spent (according to iTunes) 60 minutes of my life funking out to Just Dance. With some hesitation I sorted my library by play count and I must admit that I was a bit horrified to discover what my most listened to songs are. Here are my top 10 songs in iTunes:

Release - Timbaland
The Way You Are - Timbaland
Circus - Britney Spears
Crash the Party - OK GO
Hip Hop Thighs - Ike Reilly
Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! - ABBA
Womanizer - Britney Spears
Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen
A Million Ways - OK GO
Still Rock and Roll To Me - Billy Joel

When people ask me what kind of music I like I always have trouble answering the question. I'm not embarrassed that I lean towards top 40. I like music that is easy and pop-y. I also like more complex pieces and have been known, on several occasions, to groove out to Chopin.

But two Britney songs in my top 10? Timbaland?

Truly peeps, this is not my finest moment. I can only hope that someone else out there shares an equally embarrassing top 10.

A Fringing Good Time

2009-08-04T14:04:00.003-07:00

It's just a theatre festival kind of summer for me. Magnetic North in Ottawa, Fringe in Montreal, Fringe in Calgary and next weekend, Fringe in Edmonton.

Unless Edmonton really lets me down, the tragic truth is that my most disappointing festival will have been the one in my very own hometown.

I feel like the Calgary Fringe has been struggling to gain traction for about 10 years and while it's made leaps and bounds in the last two years it still feels like a small-town fringe. But without the charm of actually being in a small town. Everything feels low rent, low budget, and to be honest, low effort.

I mean, seriously, opening and closing the door to the venue to execute the 'light' cues? Said cues being turning the overhead fluorescents on or off. Is that really, really the best we can do Calgary?

I mean, c'mon. I'm starting to get Edmonton envy over here. And that is just not right.

Closing Note: If you live in Calgary, go see Drunken Fucker at said Fringe. But only go if you're willing to cry a little bit. And if you don't cry, your heart is probably made of stone. In which case you might go just to enjoy the balls. If you're into that sort of thing. Balls, I mean.

The Scrutiny of Mr. Rose

2009-07-27T12:36:00.002-07:00

I often tease Mr. Rose (lovingly, of course) about what a girl he is. This usually comes up when he wants to snuggle on hot summer nights or talk about life. I shut that hot summer night shit down but I’m much more amenable to his talking. So he’ll talk about life and his job and his writing and challenges he’s facing, etc. I immediately roll up my sleeves and start talking solutions, here’s what you can do to fix this, have you thought about trying this approach, let’s do some research here and here. When I ask him if he’s going to follow up on my problem solving activity list he responds, no. He just wanted someone to listen.

What a girl!! What’s the point of that?!? Let’s talk solutions here people!! Let’s fix this problem and get back down to business.

Now, Mr. Rose has suggested several things that prove his manliness: season tickets for the Calgary Stampeders, long pauses on TSN whilst flipping channels, membership on a soccer team (I pointed out that the real men played forward), cultivated appreciation for boobs (okay, I just made that up. If Mr. Rose actually said something like that I would choke on my single serving lunch-time Crystal Light), inability to see the messy kitchen.

Now, I’ll grant that several of those are very manly characteristics, in the stereotypical sense in which I gauge which are and are not ‘manly’ activities (geez, I hope Lady B doesn’t kill me). But none of those things ever sat perfectly with me. None of them were the perfect morsel that explains and illustrates that yes, Mr. Rose is indeed a MAN.

Until recently.

Whilst on vacation last month Mr. Rose was walking a bit more awkwardly than his naturally awkward gait. I inquired as to said walking impediment and was informed that he thinks he may have broken a bone in his foot while playing with the aforementioned soccer team.

The other day he made the comment again. Ongoing pain in the foot in addition to the original bruising and swelling have him quite convinced that, yes, in fact a bone in there somewhere is broken.

When I inquired when he would be going to the doctor I received a rather blank look. Why would he go to the doctor, there’s probably nothing they can do.

Okay, so you might have a broken bone in your foot? You definitely have ongoing discomfort and pain. But you won’t go to the doctor because there’s probably nothing he can do?

Signed, sealed and delivered. I am hitched to a bona fide man.

And guess who’s not looking forward to convincing that man to get an annual prostate exam?

Working From Home

2009-07-24T13:39:00.002-07:00

Working From Home: a pro/con list

Cons

The temptation to nip into the kitchen and just get those dishes done. At work distractions come in the form of social interactions and the interwebs not chores.
Lack of air conditioning. It's kinda hot today.
A windowless office. The window in our home office opens out onto my neighbours window and I can't even look out on that 'view' whilst working at my computer.
No humans! While I don't like humans very much on a large scale, I do enjoy individual humans very much.
No delicious, cool, unlimited source of filtered water.

Pros

I work a 7 hour day. When I work at home I can get the same amount of work done in 4 - 5 hours. Leaving 2 - 3 extra hours to get even more done!!
iTunes. I can listen to Disney's Greatest Hits Volume 3 at top volume while sorting that donor list without getting earbud pain. ("Up where they walk. Up where they run. Up where they stay all day in the sun. Wandering free, wish I could be...part of that wooooorld.")
The relaxed dress code. I don't think my employer would appreciate the tank top/underwear combo I've been rocking today.
Watching Peep Show on my lunch break. It's not porn. I swear. Though I guess I could watch porn if I wanted to!
After completing the vast majority of an Annual Report I can switch over to Lady Gaga and dance my heart out in said messy kitchen in celebration. Just Dance!

Alberta Politics - This one's a real nail biter!!

2009-07-20T20:59:00.004-07:00

Remember when I ranted about that Alberta MLA who was a total jackass? So, the premier thought that his having to make an apology was punishment enough.

So now this other Alberta MLA, Boutilier...hold on

Boutilier is such a cool sounding name. I've been saying almost nothing but Boutilier all night!! aaaand back to the gist...

so, Boutilier comes out and publicly criticizes his party for putting on hold a project that his community has been anticipating for 20 years. A project that was approved a year ago. The project? To build a long-term care facility for old folks. In a town that currently has no such facility. Where old people are staying in what was supposed to be a temporary section of the hospital.

Now, without even getting into a cost-benefit analysis of a hospital stay vs. a long-term care facility stay, the dude kind of has a point. The health care system in Alberta is in complete upheaval and a project that's been on the books for 18 months now isn't looking like it's ever going to get built. 'cause they just keep pushing those projects back and back and back and south Calgary hospital what now?

So, what does our illustrious premier do? Fires the guy.

So one MLA proudly displays his disgusting sexism and complete lack of respect for a woman's right for equality and he doesn't even get a slap on the wrist.

Another MLA vocally opposes the cancellation of project that his constituency has been clamouring for and he gets fired. The next day. No warning, no discipline, no quiet shunning. Nope. Fired.

And why am I supposed to feel involved in the political process again? Voter apathy, what now? I mean, what's the freaking point?!?!

Politicians!!!!! Rage!!!!!

Who came up with this system? I don't even understand how that is a fire-able offense when being a misogynist doesn't even get you a reprimand.

Bah!!!!

A rather dull one I'm afraid

2009-07-15T20:21:00.004-07:00

What do you like to do on your lunch hour?

I'm talking to you employed peeps here. Unemployed peeps are basically living a life of long lunch hours and extended weekends. I hate you. But not really because I'm a weirdo who actually enjoys working and gets restless with too much unstructured time.

I had a rather glorious lunch hour today. I took myself out to the Co-op. For those unfamiliar, the Co-op is a grocery store. And the downtown Calgary Co-op is like the grocery store mecca for yuppies. More than one aisle of produce? Produce that looks fresh and delicious? A salad bar? What?? Is that an actual meat counter with meat dudes working behind it??

I love it's faux marketplace set up and decor because it's the closest I can actually get to a marketplace. And also, um, I'm a yuppie.

Anyways, I took myself out to the Co-op. I mixed up a big, 'delicious' salad, picked up a frosty Diet Coke and went upstairs to the sad cafeteria style eating zone looking out over a bland road. I sat in the corner and read Love in a Time of Cholera for 45 minutes whilst munching my 'tasty' greens.

I was perfectly content and went back to work feeling happy and refreshed. It really felt like the perfect lunch hour. Sitting by myself, eating a salad and reading a book. I'm not quite sure what that says about me. I don't like salad! I don't like being alone! I don't really like Gabriel Garcia Marquez!

Inexplicable! Clearly I need to...do...something...

...

p.s.

2009-07-10T13:08:00.001-07:00

Alone in my office, eating some beef on a bun and, honestly, feeling a little maudlin this sunny Friday afternoon.

If I didn’t feel committed to an awkward social outing this evening I would definitely be settling in with a guaranteed to make you cry chick flick. I find that one of the best remedies, for me, for medium level blueness is to have a good, solid cry.

I don’t mean a squeeze out a few manly tears at your favorite aunt’s funeral cry, I mean a solid cry that starts right from the bottom of your toes. No need to go overboard and get too snotty with it but wailing is definitely encouraged. But not so loud that your neighbours think your husband is beating you. Because I imagine that would be awkward.

With a deep blue I don’t need any prompting, the tears just come. But the medium level blueness generally requires a bit of a prompt. It’s not really blue enough to warrant tears, I just find tears an effective way of clearing it out of my system.

I’ve had a few go-to’s in years gone by. The song River as sung by Joni Mitchell can usually do it, Little Women (the Winona Ryder version) always gets me at the scene where Beth dies, and the scene in Return of the King where they bow to the Hobbits (though that’s a mighty commitment to make just to start a good cry).

My latest discovery is the movie P.S. I Love You. The first time I saw this movie I was expecting it to be overwrought with emotion and just so obvious in its attempts to pull my heartstrings. I mean, it’s a movie about a guy who dies young and sends his wife a series of letters and gifts posthumously that ultimately guide her through the grieving process.

I’m sure this movie is just as manipulative as many others in its genre. But for some reason P.S. I Love You works like magic for me. Maybe it’s the hot, shirtlessness of the singing, Irish husband or the equally hot shirtlessness of the other singing, Irish dude she hooks up with, but it just does it for me. I cry, I wail, I mope and then once it’s over I feel better.

Life just keeps going on and on and on and in my experience, everything somehow works out in the end.

p.s. I love you.

Men! Feh.

2009-07-03T14:30:00.003-07:00

We’re all friends here, right? Let’s get intimate now. Come into my little circle, I have a confession to make. If I liked eating pussy, I would totally be a lesbian. And that is because…yes, I’ll admit it…I don’t like men.

This is a wild generalization of course because obviously I do have a few men in my life that I have very positive feelings about. But indulge me for a few hundred words.

What has brought on this man hate you ask? Recently an Edmonton MLA was quoted saying:

"Men are attracted to smiles, so smile and don't give me that 'treated equal' stuff, if you want Equal it comes in little packages at Starbucks."

What the fuck?!?!

That was a piece of advice he wrote on his blog, intended for junior high school girls. At the time there was a small hullabaloo about his comment in the media here in Alberta. Ultimately the MLA apologized for his comment. Our illustrious premier felt that making a public apology was punishment enough.

Seriously? This guy gets to keep his job? This guy’s wife stays with him? There is just nothing funny about this comment. This comment is bald, brassy, blatant sexism.

Can you imagine what would have happened if this guy came out and said:

"White people don't like it when you smile too much. So all you black people stop trying to be so friendly. We know that you're just looking for a chance to mug us. ps. we're white and therefore better than you."

How fast would that guy have lost his job if he had insulted: immigrants, Jews, Christians, Muslims, white people, rich people, old people, etc, etc, etc.

Because it's not like this is an isolated incident. It's not like I read about this and thought to myself "what? I'm shocked! I've never heard a man treat equality as a joke before. This guy is clearly an independent crackpot who is in no way a representative sample of men I could find locally, nationally or internationally."

Why are women and gays two groups that it is still okay to publicly degrade in Canada?!

I had actually forgotten about this for a few weeks and something twigged it in my brain today. And I have now worked myself up to a fuming rage over it, again. It's really interfering with my quest for a witty ending to this post.

Men. Feh.

Middle-aged, white, male politicians? Double-Feh!!

Twilight: An Obsession

2009-06-28T10:45:00.004-07:00

Have I talked with you about Twilight before? I have a feminist rant all worked up but I haven't had breakfast yet so I'm going to start with Twilight.

I first read the Twilight books at a very fragile time in my life. During periods of unemployment I find that I am increasingly susceptible to celebrity crushes, general infatuations, and media obsessions. Escapism, right?

Anyways, the books ultimately disappoint. The first one is fraught with tension and adolescent longing and I fell headlong into a world of gorgeous vampires and very light petting. Of course, every book after that gets a little worse until the end of book 4 where you're left with an unsavory (and Mormon-tinged) flavour in your mouth. Of course the problem is, once you've been sucked into a story (or fallen in love with a character) you have to keep going. And no matter how many times you tell someone to stop a book series or tv series at X time, they never do. "How bad can it be?" they think. Or "Who the hell does she think she is? Cornering me at the video store and prying Heroes Season 2 out of my hands?"

Anyways, that's the books, and I'm here to talk to you about my obsession with the movie Twilight. No excuses this time as I was gainfully employed when this one came out.

I actually went to this movie in the theatre with lovely Meg. We proceeded to mock it mercilessly because, believe me, it is entirely mockable. It goes so far over the line several times it can be hard to take it seriously. And, Robert Pattinson? Cedric Diggory? Please! Edward is supposed to be gorgeous.

And yet, I watched again last night. Admittedly it helps to be in a certain state while watching it. Lowered expectations, generally more relaxed, etc. Ultimately, I like Twilight the movie because it reminds me of my first love. It's got a whole Romeo and Juliet quality to it where they figure out, as Shakespeare did, that the only believable way to portray a consuming love is to have teenage characters. (Though there's also a bit of magic about it in Twilight as well, which you know if you have read the books)

Those loves you had as teens really stick with you. They were emotional roller coasters. Because you had about 20 pounds of hormones racing through your body.

My first love was a boy named Tyler. I was 13. He was tall and gawky and adorably geeky. He was smart (almost as smart as me) and he played several sports. We wrote notes back and forth in class. He was a nice, Christian boy who didn't actually fully hit puberty until the next year. I have a vivid memory of being in class where we were doing presentations or something, for some reason we weren't sitting at our desks but scattered about the room on the floor. We sat very close to each other for a very electric 30 minutes, inconspicuously holding hands behind the cover of a backpack. I believe I floated home on a cloud that day.

Holding hands. And that is why I love Twilight (or the first book and the first movie anyways). It is all about possibility and anticipation. The calm before the storm. The breathless pause before the first kiss.

Ah, first loves.

Edward! Swoon!

The Longest Week

2009-06-22T18:48:00.002-07:00

Today was the longest day ever so I assume the week will follow suit. You see dear readers, I am waiting for something. Something so rare, so thrilling, so deliciously decadent...well, I can barely keep my pants on!

This weekend, Mr. Rose is flying off to California to attend a reading of a play he's been shopping around to pro companies. Hopefully the schmoozing and networking opportunities will lead to a professional production.

But is this important career opportunity what has my knickers in a joyful knot? No my friends, it is not.

This weekend, while my spouse enjoys some sweet California sunshine I will have...the house to myself. That's right, 2 days and 3 nights of blissful, unencumbered puttering will be mine, all mine. After 7 years of marriage I look forward to these brief breaks where I can eat toast and brussel sprouts for dinner, starfish out in the bed and listen to any song I want on repeat for 30 minutes.

I know that I test out as wildly extroverted on the old Myers-Briggs but sometimes baby needs to be a quiet little hermit. I plan to shun all humans, though I do have a social engagement to attend on Saturday evening which, honestly, is really for the best. Because I'm not actually very good at shunning all humans and have about a 24 hour limit before I start feeling the need to interact with somebody. So, admittedly, I'm not a great hermit.

I already have my Friday night planned! I will come home from work and putter aimlessly about the house for half an hour before making a delicious taco salad. I will proceed to eat said taco salad while watching Fellowship of the Ring (my favorite of the trilogy. and more importantly, impossible to do when Mr. Rose is around because he wants to then watch all the rest of the trilogy!). I may also drink an entire bottle of wine (there's still a bottle of white that's been kicking around in my fridge foreva). Then I will read a fashion magazine whilst watching bad late night tv. I will put fresh sheets on the bed and climb in and spread myself out so I occupy the maximum amount of space. A deep and blissful sleep is sure to follow.

I can't wait!!!

Home Again, Home Again

2009-06-18T19:51:00.002-07:00

Jiggity Jig.

Where it smells like lilacs, I sleep in a supremely comfortable bed, and even after it rains the air is deliciously dry. Though there is less two kind swirly ice cream here.

A Montreal overview:

A failure to purchase cute shoes!?! I guess my shoe mojo just wasn't working for me on this particular trip. But don't worry, I still got my shop on. A new wallet, 2 tops, 4 scarves, one necklace and a kick ass piece of art later, Montreal has left it's mark on my life.
Montreal Fringe! We didn't know the fringe was on until our last day but we managed to catch two shows. The Secret Love Life of Ophelia and Fucking Stephen Harper. Neither were particularly good but it was still a fringing good time.
Montreal smoked meat! At the famous (?) Schwartz's Deli. I still don't like smoked meat but I did enjoy a delicious pickle!
More bakery failures! When we were in Paris a couple of years ago I had a list of 5 specific patisseries I wanted to visit. All 5 has already closed for the summer, one the day before we made it there. Apparently bakeries in Montreal are closed on Mondays. D'oh! I still managed to find a delicious pain au chocolat though so all was well.
I would live there. The city is beautiful and lively and friendly and easy to navigate. If not for my loathing of humidity I'd be all over this place.

All in all, a fairly enjoyable Canadian vacation.

Blogging - Ottawa Style

2009-06-12T20:10:00.003-07:00

Tomorrow I leave for another exciting Canadian city but I thought I should do an Ottawa overview for your reading pleasure.

1. I have 7 blisters on my feet. I bought new shoes. And then walked to a different province in them! That's a total rookie traveler mistake and one I should be old enough to know better to avoid. It has put a bit of a damper on things for me because I mostly want to lie on benches and whine now.

2. I ate at The Works (and I had to take 2 buses to get there)! It was pretty good, but probably only 1 bus good.

3. I popped into the Chateau Laurier to poo (because when you need to do a #2 on the road, don't you want to do it at a 4 star Fairmont hotel?). Aside from it being a nice hotel I got to see my MP in action. He was nattering to some media dudes about the environment or something. I don't really know, I couldn't really hear him. It was just exciting to see my elected official doing something.

4. I saw 2 mediocre shows and 1 really great show at Magnetic North. Not bad for a festival by my standards. We managed to get an extra show in because I forgot we were actually here for 4 nights, not 3.

5. I got to stay in a boy apartment. It's interesting seeing how the other half live. There's less comfortable furniture but more beer. A fair trade I think.

I think I'll give Ottawa 3.5 stars out of 5. But the blisters may be unfairly skewing my ranking. I may have to revise that once my tender tootsies have healed.

My summer horoscope

2009-06-07T08:14:00.003-07:00

I signed up for a free subscription to Elle Canada with a coupon in a box of Cheerios. It is truly an astoundingly bad magazine with some of the worst writing I have ever seen in a magazine. But today, I would like to do a critique of the special summer horoscope.

I hate horoscopes with a fierce and blinding passion. This particular horoscope nearly sent me into a frenzy last night.

Some years are memorable: consider 1989/1990, 1996/1997 and 2003/2004. These have meaning for you.

Who can't find something memorable in a six year time span?? I was 11/12, 18/19 and 25/26 in that date range. I can pick out several memorable things that happened in those years. But who couldn't?!?!? Memorable things probably happen every year for people, if you stop to think about it.

Similarly, 2009/2010 is another turning point. This year wields a double-edged sword: in one way, it's fabulous! Love affairs, romance and opportunities for exciting vacations, plus playful, rewarding times with children, are sources of joy. Your social scene is wired! Parties, fun invitations and events in the arts or sports are a bonus and will continue into 2010. (yay me!)

What? My life is fabulous and awesome and I'm popular and do lots of things?! Well, this must be the truth! Let's look past the bad grammar and just say, again with the really long time frame? I mean, who doesn't get invited to at least one social event in the span of a calendar year? Who doesn't have the opportunity for vacations? We're talking about people with the financial wherewithal to purchase a magazine and isn't an opportunity just something that might happen?

However, since 2007 you've had to give up people, places and possessions; it has been a sobering experience. Some important relationships have ended; some losses were major and painful. For some of you, it has been a journey through the dark night of the soul.

I have made sacrifices this year! And yes, in a two year period, inevitably some thing has changed. How ever did they know that my life is not exactly what it was like over two years ago?

By the end of October you will slowly enter a huge new era of your life. November and December are the debut to what lies ahead between now and 2018.

Wait a second. What exactly do you mean by slowly? And what exactly do you mean by debut? And, well, it just seems obvious that something lies between now and 2018. I mean, that's a 9 year time span.

In this stretch of time, you will redefine your values, your relationships, probably your job and even where you live. It's all up for grabs.

It's all up for grabs, eh? So I might do those things, but I might decide not to grab. Aren't we always refining our values as new information becomes available and we have new experiences? Don't relationships evolve over time? Don't people change their jobs every 5 years nowadays??? Hold on a second! This horoscope is maddeningly vague!!!

It's time for the birth of the new - and improved - you.

Oh, but I do want to be a better person and do more fabulous things. I'm so sorry I doubted you horoscope. You're right. In 9 short years, I will be a better person, just you wait and see!

Mantra: I will never again be as young as I am today

uh, yeah. Thanks Elle Canada. Thanks for that glib piece of advice. Fortunately, for us all, I doubt that you'll be around 9 years from now to see if I have indeed succeeded in becoming a new - and improved - me.

Is that a green thumb?

2009-06-03T20:47:00.004-07:00

So the truth is that I've never managed to keep a plant alive for longer than a plant will stay alive whilst being utterly neglected. In fact, I normally think of houseplants the same way I think of flowers. I buy them, they look pretty for awhile, they die, I replace them. And really, a houseplant will stay alive with hardly any care for months sometimes so financially I feel it works out for me. Though I guess it doesn't work out so well for the plants.

But I am a homeowner now. And thus I must do homeowner-y things like actually change the furnace filter and scrub in those obnoxious corners between the toilet and the tub in the bathroom.

This summer I decided that I would try planting things outside! Of course, as you can see, I don't really have a backyard per se.

I have a lovely deck, a strip of pine trees and evergreen bushes (to the right) growing out of a mountain of woodchips and then a little stubby patch of grass (to the left) where nothing will grow due to the large tree adjacent to the deck.

Neither Mr. Rose or myself are particularly interested in doing a lot of yard work so this set up is perfect for us. And one day we will be extra homeowner-y and put a patio down on that scrubby patch of grass thereby eliminating the need to mow any sort of lawn. Then we'll be living the dream.

Anyways, I decided to plant things in pots on the deck. Seems more low maintenance anyways. So, the point of this somewhat rambly post, is....ta da! Here is my garden:

In my mind it seemed so much more epic. It was a lot of work to plant those six little pots of flowers. Two trips to a garden centre, numerous strings of curse words, one dead bee incident, one slipper throwing incident, and a very sore back.

I think my only question is, how long do the plants have to live for me to be considered a gardener?

One of Those Days

2009-05-25T13:29:00.002-07:00

You know when you have those days where everything clicks and life is like a tampon commercial? You know, you're spinning around in a green meadow or climbing a mountain, but most of all you feel that you have achieved something, lived life, made your mark on the world!

Today is not one of those days.

No, friends. Today is a day when I realize that it is 15 long days until I am on vacation. And that vacation is only 7 days long. And after that very brief interlude I will be back in this same exact place.

I have too much to do. That is what it boils down to. And I'm at the point where I have so much to do I have trouble getting anything done (hello mid-day blog post!).

I always wonder what it is that pushes people over the edge. Right now I am seriously considering just burying myself under my blankets and trying to nap my problem away. So much time has already been wasted, how can I possibly recover from this? Best not to try, perhaps after waking up from said nap I will be superhumanly productive and will magically get 7 hours of work done in only 2 hours!

I won't do that of course. I'm much too responsible. But lots of people do do that. Just crawl into bed and refuse to get up again. So what is it that allows them to snap like that? Do you think there's some advance warning that goes off?

Excuse me while I go make myself some lists. Lists make everything more manageable don't they?

barefoot and pregnant never looked so good...

What a slog!

2009-05-19T10:19:00.002-07:00

Ugh. I just finished reading Earth by David Brin. I have read and ejoyed Mr. Brin's sci-fi stylings before (I swear to you. I do not only read and watch sci-fi/fantasy.) but this book was just a slog. It had too many boring characters and was way too excited about it's physics for my liking. Seriously, I did not like that book from start to finish. It took me three weeks to read that 600 page paperback. (In comparison, after I finished that book I read 100 pages of the next book on my list whilst taking a bath. I'm no Megan but I'm a pretty fast reader.)

The real question is, why can't I stop reading books I don't like?

I have been reading Shake Hands with the Devil for over a year now. I perservere on that book because a) it has actually been improving and b) I think it's subject matter is important.

But Earth by David Brin did not improve at any point nor was it's subject matter important. There is a long list of "oh my god! the world is ending!" entertainment for me to choose from and Earth did not live up to most of those choices.

So why can't I just give up a move on? Do you know how many books there are in the world?!?!? I don't have time to read them all! Especially if I waste precious weeks on books I don't even like.

I have given up on reading just 3 books in my entire life. One was a book that turned out to be the second in a series. I didn't really like it so I didn't bother getting the first in the series. I secretly don't count that one since it was nigh impossible to understand without having read the first book.

So really, I have given up on reading 2 books in my entire life. The Simarillion (Tolkein other than Lord of the Rings? Just don't go there) and Naked Lunch (I feel like giving up on Naked Lunch is almost like a rite of passage).

I give up on other things all the time! I write off people, places, things...why not books???? why???

(this Tuesday really feels like a Monday. a gloomy depressing Monday. Where did the sun go??? where??????)

Get it Together, College-Aged Men

2009-05-13T12:45:00.003-07:00

So, I'm casually reading this article how french kissing increases risk of transmission for HPV and it throws out this stat:

"For the 28 percent of college-aged men who reported never having performed oral sex, having at least 10 lifetime or at least five recent open-mouthed kissing partners was associated with a significantly higher risk of developing oral HPV infection."

Hold up there. 28% of the 210 college-aged men in this study have never performed oral sex?! Um, dudes, what's up with that?

Now I'm sure that one or two of the women those men have been with were of the 'oh, my vagina's so gross' camp. Or stupid girls as I like to call them. Because while your va-jay-jay might not actually resemble a beautiful rose, it's not gross. (assumption: regular bathing)

No, most of those guys are in the 'ugh, eating pussy is so gross' camp. Douchebags as I like to call them.

Sterling has some really elaborate theories about tribes and who is accepted and what it takes to reach certain levels of hierarchy in a tribe. I'm not sure exactly how sexual performance fits into that though.

In my opinion oral sex is far more important than status in the tribe, money, good looks, you name it. Because while good looks and money can be fleeting, good oral sex lasts forever.

So I plead with you, college aged men who participate in HPV studies, for the sake of college aged women (and high school aged girls) everywhere, please reconsider your stance on oral sex.

Because oral sex should be a right, not a privilege.

Switch Flipping

2009-05-08T13:44:00.001-07:00

I think I might have found the thing. The thing that will flip the switch. The thing that will finally make me feel like an adult.

Before I continue, I would like to say that I’m not actually dying to feel like an adult. I don’t want to be a glassy eyed morning commuter. But there’s a difference between that and feeling like you’ve come into your own, neh?

We have a very young (meaning anyone under 29) and extremely bubbly (meaning anyone who can utter more than 10 words in the first half hour of the day) student with us for the summer. I was once one of those bright eyed summer students. Though probably never quite as bubbly, bubbly has just never looked right on me.

Anyways, the other day he was sucking up to me. And I was totally thrown. I believe he even referred to me as ‘cool’. Admittedly this was before he saw the Doctor Who action figurine on my desk (which he mistook for GI Joe…seriously?).

There’s not a speck of doubt in my mind that this guy might possibly think that I was ‘cool’. I may be many things, but cool, I’m pretty sure, is not one of them. What I am is: competent at what I do, established in the career field he wants to enter and obviously well-liked in the workplace.

I’m totally suckup-able. It’s like I’m on a whole new rung of the ladder. I feel so grown-up!
Alright, that’s a lie. I want to feel grown up. Instead it feels like I’m wearing someone else’s skin. Someone else’s cooler skin. So maybe I’m doomed to feel like the kid at the grown-ups table for the rest of my life.

And that’s it! I promise! No more musings on my adult/non-adult status!!

Non-Urgent/Non-Important

2009-05-01T13:30:00.001-07:00

Who leaves working on a strategic communications plan to a Friday afternoon? Chumps, that’s who. Chumps like me. I’m quite certain that I have a brain, though I have no proof of that on this particular afternoon. Rather than managing to get any actual work done this afternoon I have:

Fiddled around with different reports in Google Analytics.
Worked on today’s Sudoku puzzle
Checked some blogs
Cleaned my desk
Stared at a list of target audiences as if it was written in a foreign language
Flossed
Responded to 2 non-urgent, non-important emails
Edited a blog article (important but not urgent, look at me hitting the right square)
Filed a chipped nail
Regretted my lunch choice

Dudes. Is it 4:30 yet? It is finally summer…or at least spring…and I want to sit on my deck and have a beer already!!

Movie/Book Review

2009-04-30T16:29:00.003-07:00

ooooo. I came close to failing this 101 task. I movie and book review per month! I have time if I had to start all over again but I'm already 25% complete and I don't want to start over.

So, this past weekend I watched Marley and Me. I do not recommend it. I'll admit that it would be a good one to put on the "I need a good cry" list. But there are better/more cryable movies out there. You know you're going to cry when the dog dies. You also know that won't happen until the end of the movie. So you spend 2 hours watching a disgusting portrait of "the ideal American life" just waiting for your dog tears.

If you want a good dead animal cry, I would recommend King Kong.

I also finished reading a set of books recently by Marion Zimmer Bradley. Both prequels to a book that I loved called Mists of Avalon.

Yeah, that's right. I read trashy fantasy novels based on Arthur mythology.

My verdict? Skip the appetizers and just read the delightfully trashy main course.

Being an Adult

2009-04-26T13:10:00.003-07:00

What exactly is it that classifies you as an adult? Is it owning a home? Spending a tax return on extra mortgage payments? Pursuing a career? Contemplating procreation?

I have been 30 years old for most of my life. As the older sibling in a single parent family I definitely had to be more responsible than other 12 year olds. But then not nearly as responsible as my own mother had to be in an essential parent-less family when she was 12.

Helping take care of my brother and being self-sufficient myself were never really a problem for me. Babysitting him was way better than babysitting other, brattier children that I wouldn't be allowed to smack upside the head. And I'm just naturally self-sufficient (my Sunday morning breakfast mopes aside).

It's not my actions that make me adult. Because my actions are supportive of who I am. And who I have been since well before anyone could have mistaken me for an adult. I make extra mortgage payments and think responsibly about the future because that makes me happy. If I didn't do those things I would be stressed out and unhappy.

So is it a state of mind? Maintaining the ability to have a liberal mindset? Continuing to be open to new experiences? A willingness to take risks?

I used to think that the best thing about being an 'adult' would be workplace respect. Assuming competence, of course. Well, I have comptence in spades and I still find myself being treated like a child. Rules, regulations, monitoring of social activities. At 20 I expected that, at 25 I tolerated it, at 30 it's really starting to piss me off.

I need to know the secret. At the very least so I can get other adults off my case.

Love/Hate

2009-04-22T20:08:00.002-07:00

Bah!! Real Life!!

I totally hate being a grown up sometimes. Admittedly I can stay up late and eat all the chocolate I want. But I just spent my entire tax return on making an extra mortgage payment and paying off my line of credit.

Boo!! Boring.

And it was all over so fast. 6 clicks and bye-bye tax return. I have spent you wisely, it's true. But remember those days before bills and RRSP contributions and a myriad of other financial responsibilities? You could take all your babysitting money to the mall and buy tacos and hair clips and CD's. I miss the days of having 100% disposable income.

I will try to cheer myself up with a list of 5 reasons why I love being a grown up.

Sex
Being able to listen to my music as loud as I want
Increased proficiency at Trivial Pursuit
Sleeping on high thread count sheets
Fake sick days (my mom did not fall for the Ferris Bueller even once)

Careers - not just a board game

2009-04-15T20:02:00.003-07:00

BAH! Work!!

When I was young and bright eyed and fresh out of university I couldn't wait to START MY CAREER! It took me 9 months to find my first job. And by 'first job' I mean I did data entry for 6 months because we were rapidly running out of money to buy crazy things like food with.

I should have realized that this initial disappointment in the world of CAREERS was not temporary but a sign of things to come.

I have come to the realization that working sucks. It sucks to be at the whims of everyone else's timelines. It sucks to have even your nice coworkers snark at you because they're having a bad day. It sucks having to not be able to do what you want, when you want to.

You have to do all sorts of things that you're not interested in doing to be a 'team player'. You have to show up at the same time every day (baby misses her class-free Fridays). You have to wear pants, like, all the time.

I think I'm going to join Megan's vegan commune. I assume they'll have internet. And pants will be optional.

On the bus...

2009-04-09T14:57:00.003-07:00

...a high school aged Chinese boy tries to impress his three female companions (also Chinese) by posturing in a manner I associate with high school aged white boys. I do not think he is having much success

...a middle aged woman breezes past a series of empty seats to snark at a teenager to move over and make room for her. she then spends the next 10 minutes complaining about the state of society

...a gawky young adult dressed entirely in black surls on the seat next to me. he wears a toque despite the sunny, warm weather

...a 30 something construction dude stands and fiddles with his cell phone for 20 blocks. I think he is only pretending to check messages to have something to do

...a trio of whithered old ladies eschew the seats at the front that people try to offer them. they glare at me accusingly as they make their way to the back.

Fuck you old ladies. I'm in the middle of bus and 3 people just tried to get up for you. What the fuck are you glaring at me for? Is this your special seat on the bus or what?

GAWD! I hate public transit.

Wii Fit: A Review

2009-04-08T20:18:00.002-07:00

I just wrote a long and boring review of the Wii Fit. Then I read it over and realized it was long and boring. Here is my summary.

I like Wii Fit
Frequently I will do some Wii Fit rather than sit and read a book. I justify that even if I'm not always challenging myself that doing something is better than just sitting and reading
Wii Fit would be vastly improved if you could program a series of excercises rather than fiddling about through menus after each activity

And I think I'll close off with a list of the first 5 things that pop into my head.

I'm listening to the Britney Spears song If U Seek Amy right now
My gray fleecy pants are getting a bit thin in the crotch. This makes me sad.
That stain from that time I dropped a meatball on my slipper will never go away
At least it's not an imaginary blood stain that I'm trying to scrub away
Tomorrow night I'm going to watch the last two episodes of Doctor Who (Season 4). I'm unreasonably excited about this.

Gimme More

2009-04-01T19:35:00.002-07:00

Alright, I'll admit it. I've been listening to Britney Spears lately. I...uh...acquired (I'm sure it was all very legal) her latest album Circus. It's okay. Mostly I really like the song, Circus.

Anyways, although I like a lot of crap, and by crap I mean pop, I was just as surprised as you to find myself listening to Britney. Seriously, I just had to pause in my blog writing to blast Circus and dance in my kitchen. Moving on...

Why this sudden Britney love?

Here's my theory. Since December I have been trying to slim. Gawd I hate losing weight (then why do I put in on in the first place?). Given a choice I will eat whatever I want whenever I want it. I used to go the gym all the time in university. Mostly because I had convenient gaps in my day and it was right there. I have been no good at maintaining any kind of physical fitness routine since leaving university.

Anyways, I have several reasons for why the gain happens and several reasons for wanting to slim down a bit (I smell another blog post) but I was having trouble finding the motivation.

Then one day I saw the videos for Circus and Womanizer (a video on Much More Music? yes, I was just as shocked as you are). And damn, Britney is back to being in shape, you can't even tell that she just went through a squishy, flabby phase. And she's singing catchy, kicky little tunes.

I realized that if Britney could make a comeback so could I! All I have to do is eat less and excercise more!! I don't even have serious mental health issue to deal with! I just have to get over my damn self, stop putting everything I see into my mouth, and get off my ass and go for a walk once in awhile.

That's right. My role model is Britney Spears. Feel free to gag a little. I still do.

Spring/Winter

2009-03-22T09:31:00.003-07:00

Yesterday morning it was spring. I sat out on my deck in the sun and read a book. It was getting chilly in the late afternoon but I still barbequed my dinner. (I lit the bbq all by myself with no qualms, after a lesson the day before, so I have crossed one more thing off my 101 list!)

This morning there are drifts of ankle deep snow on the ground. It started last night, falling thick and heavy. It seems relentless. This is serious middle of the winter apocalyptic snow storm here.

My point you ask?

I freaking love it. I was born in Calgary so I often get the pity look from people (usually people who have moved here from out East or people who are planning on moving out west). Oh woe is me, they think. To have been born and lived the majority of my life is such a wintery, dreary, lame city as Calgary. Snow in March? Snow in May? How can I have lived like this my whole life?

I admit, sometimes I wonder out loud what it would be like to live in a more temperate climate. To be able to bbq year round or have more regular sunlight hours.

But deep down, I know I would hate it. I like the bbq because I've been away from it for 5 months. I think you should only eat mandarin oranges at Christmas time. I will take two months of darkness falling at 5:00pm in exchange for those two months where it's light out until 10:00pm.

I like change. I live on change. Change for me is like Bella's scent for Edward (nice Twilight reference, right?).

I have to go shovel my walk now. And then I think a steaming cup of hot chocolate will follow that. Then a warm blanket and a trashy novel. Oh woe is me.

Sadly, I Watched the Watchmen

2009-03-20T14:41:00.002-07:00

Last night I went to see Watchmen. I had recently read the 'graphic novel' (I say graphic novel in quotes because, well honestly because I think it's stupid. Comic books. That's what they are).

Anyways, unlike my friend Sterling who had this to say, I actually liked Watchmen the book. Admittedly I don't have a lot of comic book experience. Previously I read a series called Transmetropolitan which I quite enjoyed but other than that I'm not too familiar with the genre.

I thought Watchmen the book was interesting. I thought it was a nicely layered story. I liked the way it moved around in time. I liked that every character had a distinct voice. I thought it had an interesting premise. And I found the ending very satisfying. I also really liked the visuals. The clock ticking down with each chapter break, the look on the Comedian's face as he was thrown out a window, Dr. Manhattan as a child watching his clock pieces being thrown out a window by his father.

Novel, good.

Movie, bad.

Remember how much we all loved Sin City? Or at least I assume we all loved it. Because it was awesome. Watchmen was like the opposite of Sin City. It did not feel like a comic book come to life. Which is probably why it was so flat. Unlike Sterling, it only took me about 15 minutes until I was bored and waiting for the movie to end. Which is especially tragic in a 3 hour movie.

I think, in many ways, Watchmen was unfilmable. It may appear that there is a great deal of content that you can simply cut out of the book to make time for a movie. Tragically, as with many translations when you cut out those subplots you lose all the subtlety that made the book any good in the first place. Add to that 7 characters with required back story and you have something that would be better formatted to a miniseries.

Early Sunday

2009-02-22T12:07:00.003-07:00

I had to get up early this Sunday for an appointment. The world is very different at 8:30 on a Sunday morning. There's no line at the breakfast places, traffic is much lighter, the grocery store is pleasantly empty. Plus it's only noon o'clock on Sunday and I've finished all my tasks and errands and chores.

I'm at a bit of a loss actually. I even played some Mario Kart and read a chapter in my book. And did a bit of volunteer work. And yet I have hours and hours of Sunday stretching before me.

I see a nap in my future. But what then? I wonder what President Obama does on his Sundays off?

Emma/Clueless

2009-02-08T14:38:00.004-07:00

I finished reading Emma today so I decided to watch Clueless afterwards. And, now that I'm about to blog about them I am also about to be able to tick off 6 things on my 101 list! A weekly blog entry, a book review, a movie review, a book read from my to-read shelf, and tossing an old VHS tape.

So, Clueless. Clueless is actually one of the very first movies I ever owned. I have it watched it so many times that the tape is a bit wobbly in some places. I think the reason I love Clueless so much is that it's based (loosely) on a Jane Austen book. Overall, I would say it does a fair job of taking a story written almost 200 hundred years ago and making it accessible today. Plus, it has Paul Rudd in it. Paul Rudd is the type of man who was born to be in romantic comedies. That slightly awkward, rumpled look is pulled off perfectly. You just want to kiss/mother him.

Clueless is also a great example of a trashy rom-com that executes perfectly. It knows what it is, it strives for no more than that, and hits exactly the right note.

As for Emma, I read in some commentary in the back of my edition that labelled Emma as Austen's most polished work. A comment, I will admit that I totally didn't understand. Of her three works that I am most familiar (i.e. have read recently or several times): Emma, Sense and Sensibility and Pride and Prejudice, I must admit that I can discern no difference in the level of 'polish'. One of the reasons that I love Jane Austen is because she, like the perfect rom-com, knows exactly what she is writing and who she is writing for. She does not try to stretch beyond that and manages to execute pitch-perfect, age-appropriate romantic comedies. Reading Jane Austen, for me, is as comforting as a snugly blanket on a cold winter day.

Failure? So Soon?

2009-01-26T14:20:00.002-07:00

It's true faithful reader. I have already failed at one of my tasks on my 101 list. I forgot to blog last week. You would think that at the very least I could have logged on and written out 20 pitiful words of drivel to make my goal. But no.

I need to get some shit crossed off that list. It is weighing heavy on my mind.

Book Review: Shock Doctrine
Man this book is long. But good. But mostly angering.

Movie Review: The Duchess
Man that movie was boring. And pointless. But with pretty costumes.

Not crossed off, but at least I won't fail on that commitment this month.

50 Ways to Guilt Your Lover

2009-01-13T14:58:00.003-07:00

wow. I just guilted my spouse into picking me up from work. On the one hand I feel a little bit bad, on the other hand I do prefer being driven over taking rush hour public transportation.

But here's the deal. I guilted him with a totally valid point. See, when I have the car I drive Mr. Rose to work in the morning and will frequently pick him up from the gym after work. I do this in spite of the fact that he works in the absolute opposite direction of where I work. I drive for 25 minutes out of my way so that he doesn't have to take transit.

On the other hand, when Mr. Rose has the car I get dropped at the bus stop so I either a) don't have to transfer buses, or b) walk 16 blocks to get the bus. Now, I'll admit that the drop off is nice, it probably saves me 20 minutes on my morning commute. But it only adds 2 minutes to his commute. Same deal if I can't get a ride home with a coworker. He picks me up so I don't have to a) transfer, or b) walk 16 blocks (whaaaaaaaaat? it's cold and I'm lazy! and do you really want to walk 16 blocks down 16th avenue? yeah, I didn't think so. oh, alright. in the summer I pledge to walk at least once a week. sigh. get off my back)

Anyways, I think you can see that in this particular situation Mr. Rose is a pampered princess whereas I am the poor abused serf girl being forced to take public transit. Or to be less dramatic, he has a way better deal than I do.

So, when he gets off work half an hour early you would think that requesting a pick up would be natural. But in fact it makes me feel really guilty, even if I was using guilt by pointing out the above situation to Mr. Rose.

And here's why. You cannot measure a marriage on one set of circumstances. Because while he definitely gets a way better transportation situation than I do, he has to put up with me asking him 6 probing questions as I'm falling asleep. I can't fall asleep until the probing questions are out, he can't sleep once the probing questions are out. So, obviously, he has a way worse deal there.

It's all about long-term balance.

That being said, I'm expecting my pick-up to arrive promptly at 4:30.

101 Things

2009-01-05T18:51:00.086-07:00

So, Mr. Rose and I decided to get into this 101 things in 1001 days. At first we thought we would just do Megan's list rather than come up with our own. Then we thought it would be fun to come up with a list. Then we realized that 101 is a lot of things. But I persevered. Green ones are done. Bold are currently in progress. To be completed by October 5, 2011.

1. Watch the Godfather movies
2. Read one book of poetry
3. Bake an apple pie from scratch
4. Hang 3 framed photos in my house
5. Visit 5 art galleries in Calgary
6. Take a French course
7. Play piano for 30 minutes a day for 2 weeks
8. Bring lunch to work every day for a month
9. Compost all food waste for 3 months
10. Finish reading Shake Hands with the Devil
11. Make bread from scratch
12. Read one Shakespeare sonnet a week for 3 months
13. Walk 20 minutes a day, every day, for 3 weeks (0/21)
14. Read Faust
15. Have 3 memorized piano pieces (not Christmas Carols)
16. Learn to play an intermediate version of Winter Wonderland on the piano
17. Eat a home cooked meal every night for 3 weeks
18. Read 2 Moredecai Richler novels
19. Read 2 Shakespeare plays I have never read or seen
20. Go to Shakespeare in the park
21. Frame and hang all unframed prints in my home (3/6)
22. Buy nothing for a week
23. Do “the hundreds” every day for a month
24. Have a facial and a massage (1/2)
25. Don’t complain about anything for 1 week
26. Play with the cats 10 minutes a day for 2 weeks
27. Volunteer 5 hours per month for 1 year (12/12)
28. Lose 20lbs (10/20)
29. Lose 30lbs
30. Lose 45lbs
31. Keep a plant alive for 1 year (plant purchased Mar 09)
32. Paint dining room hutch
33. Send out 10 Christmas cards each year (fail)
34. Buy myself fresh flowers once a month for 6 months (3/6)
35. Floss every day for 2 weeks (14/14)
36. Don’t turn on the TV for 1 month
37. Clear all 21 books off my to-read shelf before adding any more (21/21)
38. Give myself a pedicure once a month for 3 months
39. Subscribe to a magazine
40. Bake a different cookie every month for 6 months (1/6)
41. Eat out at 10 new restaurants (6/10 Dairy Lane Cafe, Silver Inn, Calypso's Greek Taverna, Smuggler's Inn, Boccavino, Flatirons)
42. Master Cashew Chicken recipe
43. Learn to make great crepes
44. Watch, then throw away, 25 old movies on VHS (25/25)
45. Create a communications evaluation plan at work
46. Learn drums for Say It Ain’t So on expert in Rock Band
47. Buy one new fancy Christmas ornament each year (2/3)
48. Buy a set of matching drinking glasses
49. Use my bread maker once a month for 6 months
50. Print 50 great photos of family and friends and put them in a photo album
51. Do 5 push ups every day for a month
52. Take a Pilates class
53. Bake 2 birthday cakes from scratch
54. Fill three planters with flowers for my deck each summer (1/3)
55. Get over my fear of lighting the BBQ
56. Double charitable contributions from 2008
57. Find a new volunteer opportunity
58. Record 12 favorite recipes into recipe box (4/12)
59. Relearn how to parallel park
60. Learn how to change the oil in my scooter
61. Review one movie per month on my blog for a year
62. Review one book per month on my blog for a year
63. Go on 3 hikes longer than 10K
64. Go to the opera
65. Go to the CPO
66. Go see 2 contemporary dance shows (1/2)
67. Find 5 weird things to be photographed next to in Alberta
68. Go see 3 movies at the Globe/Uptown (1/3)
69. Don’t drink any alcohol for 9 months
70. Incorporate a scarf into my outfits once a week for a month (4/4)
71. Look professional at work for 2 weeks (like with makeup and everything) (10/10)
72. Identify 5 casual “outfits” in my current wardrobe (not just pants and a top) (5/5)
73. Make a meal plan for 4 weeks (4/4)
74. Read a book on 1 lunch hour per week for 2 months (8/8)
75. Go for a walk on 1 lunch hour per week for 2 months
76. Make the bed every morning for 1 month
77. Listen to a different CD every week for 3 months
78. Read a book about an ancient civilization
79. Read Watchmen
80. Read an actual historical book about Henry VIII
81. Go off Diet Coke for 2 weeks (14/14)
82. Grow an herb
83. Find the perfect pair of heeled brown loafers
84. Learn how to make icing roses
85. Buy something from Holt Renfrew
86. Learn how to twirl a drumstick
87. Cook 10 meatless and cheeseless meals
88. Cook fish 5 times (1/5)
89. Recycle/regift 25 books (3/25)
90. Recycle/regift 10 CD’s
91. Insure my jewelry
92. Learn how to style my hair in one different look
93. Go on a picnic
94. Replace furnace filter every 4 months (fail)
95. Own a pair of boots
96. Find 3 ways to increase energy efficiency in my home
97. Wear a real Halloween costume once
98. Learn how to prune a tree
99. Eliminate all unnecessary furniture from my life
100. Go to a community association meeting
101. Blog once a week for 6 months (26/26)

blah blah blah

2008-12-29T11:48:00.004-07:00

In theory I don't go back to work for another 10 days. In reality I have a few small tasks that need to be done this week so as to not mess everything up 10 days from now. But whatever my intentions may have been on December 23rd, you should know that I'm terrible at working once I'm not at work. So, don't believe me when I say things like "I want to work from home" because I think that's just code for "I don't want to work again, ever" or "My boss is a douche and I don't want to speak with him again, ever".

So rather than playing with all my tantilizing toys, here I sit. At my computer. I'm not actually working, lord no. I'm avoiding the actually working by catching up on blog reading. But I finished much too quickly so here I am wasting my time (and yours).

dum de dum dum dum de dum.

soooooooooooooo, crazy weather we've been having eh?

remember that time we made those cookies and they didn't turn out right? that was hilarious.

how's work going with you?

what's the weather like in [insert your home city here] this time of year?

(sorry, just a flashback to one of the most boring extended family Christmases I've ever had. People over 45 are laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaame.)

Fuck it. I'm going to Rock.

2008 - An Early Wrap Up

2008-12-21T00:25:00.002-07:00

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Successfully had my picture taken with Mickey Mouse.

2. Did you keep your New Years Resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t think I had a New Years Resolution

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Actually close? No. But several cousins did produce offspring.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Actually close? No. Distant uncles and even more distant cousins with odd and very tragic stories involving apartment balconies.

5. What countries did you visit?
Just the US. What?! It’s only the second time I’d been there. They are our neighbours!

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A boss who isn’t a douche.

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
April 21. The day I started my new and ultimately awesome job, despite the douche. I’m a communications professional don’t you know.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Convincing other people that I’m a communications professional. :) Or kicking that nasty habit, again.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Failing, yet again, to become slender.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Some colds, some flus, some aching back. Man I’m gettin’ old.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
My house.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
I will celebrate Jon’s behaviour. Right at this exact moment he’s washing floors so I feel like he deserves some celebration.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
A certain douche. No, not the boss, yet another douche. Sure he smells good, I bet the devil smells good too, but if you get close up you might just catch the whiff of pathetic underlying it all.

14. Where did most of your money go?
My house.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Mickey!!! 1

6. What song will always remind you of 2008?
I’m On My Way by the Proclaimers. I’m on my way from misery to happiness today…

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a. more happy or more sad?
Infinitely more happy in that I’m still employed.
b. thinner or fatter?
Same I think.
c. richer or poorer?
Same I think. But with a vastly increased debt load. Does that make me poorer? I guess so.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
All those things I always say I’ll do: learn another language, finish reading Dante’s Divine Comedy, play the piano every day.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Feeling blue. Punishing myself endlessly for my mistakes.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Christmas Eve with the in-laws. Christmas morning at my mom’s. Christmas dinner at my aunt’s. Boxing Day having a Rock Band-athon and making a stop action film with the bro.

21. What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in 2007?
Crying at work.

22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
I think I have already fallen.

23. How many one-night stands?
Does rolling over and falling asleep without snuggling my spouse count?

24. What was your favorite tv program?
This was a big tv year for me, relatively. Doctor Who, Battlestar Galactica, HIMYM, and Weeds top the list.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nah, I think I always hated that guy.

26. What was the best book you read?
What is the What by Dave Eggers.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The Last Shadow Puppets

28. What did you want and get [in general]?
A job I like and find challenging, a home that I own (well, will own eventually), a medium weight winter jacket.

29. What did you want and not get?
A European vacation, a boss I like, sweet mandarin oranges.

30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Mamma Mia

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 30. My birthday was spent at the happiest place on earth. Mickey waffles were eaten, photo ops with characters were had, unfortunate rashes were discovered.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A gazillion dollars for just being my awesome self.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
T-shirt or sweater and jeans. I’ve been rocking this look since the late 80’s.

34. What kept you sane?
My spouse, my close friends, vodka.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
DAVID TENNANT.

36. Who do you miss?
Kirsten

37. What political issue stirred you the most?
I try not to get stirred by politics.

38. Who was the best new person you met?
Howie, my gay boyfriend.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008?
Don’t drink until you black out. Bad things happen.

Cell Phone

2008-12-12T16:49:00.003-07:00

There are very few times in my life where I wish I had a cell phone. This, tragically, is one of those times. Or rather, I wish my spouse had a cell phone. But then really both of us need a cell phone and the cost just seems a waste and oy!

Here I sit. The last person to leave the office. It has been 90 minutes since I last spoke with Mr. Rose. He was leaving work an hour early to come pick me up so that I wouldn't have to fight the inevitable horror that is our public transit system on a snowy day.

Can I be honest with you here? The roads don't even look that bad to me. I mean, yeah, it's snowing. But it snows here all the time. We're used to things being a bit slippy. We should be competent winter drivers. It's not like there's heavily falling snow right at this exact moment.

Earlier in the day the media told us to BEWARE!!! Winter storm conditions. HUGE blizzard, etc. Let's put aside the fact that 10 - 15 centimeters is really not that bad. 6 inches will what? Cover my ankles? Damped the hem on my jeans? But let's even assume that 15 centimeters of snow in our arctic desert is even an issue. Let's just assume.

I'm looking down now and I'm seeing maybe an inch on the ground. Plus some small, blowing flakes?

So is there really a panic? Or were we just told there was reason for panic so often that we created a panic.

I do wish I had that cellphone though. Guess I should have listened to all those ads telling me that it was what I needed in my life.

Douchbaggery

2008-12-05T16:11:00.002-07:00

So I checked with my 16 year old cousin today and apparently douche is still an "in" word. Or it was out and now it's back in again. Either way, I feel safely hip using it.

I bring up douchbaggery because, well this might be obvious, I have a douchebag in my life. A douche I can't get rid of.

It drives me mad people!! Mad I say!!

Tips, tricks, strategies for dealing with near daily douchery? Anything? I'm dying over here. I will snap one day and attempt to slap the douche right out of him if someone doesn't intervene.

Also, I'm going to an office Christmas party tonight. And not my fun-loving, sexually liberated office. A dry, conservative, uptight office filled with engineers. Pity me.

Belt Tightening

2008-12-01T20:05:00.002-07:00

I just bought tickets to the Nutcracker. Shitty second balcony tickets. But for $25 who's complaining? Aren't we supposed to be tightening our belts this Christmas anyways?

Is anyone tightening their belts? Or does anyone like me feel absolutely no change in their day-to-day lifestyle because of the current "economic crisis". Seriously, nothing. Absolutely nothing is different about my life.

I'll admit that my RRSP statement is sad. It goes up once a month when my automatic withdrawal goes in. Then it slowly edges down as the month goes by. Am I worried? Uh, no. I'm 30. My spouse is 35. We've got at least 20 years to make it back. Plus I'm buying units of something. So right now I'm buying units at a great price, way more of them then when the market was up. So when things recover I'll suddenly own a bunch of units of something worth more than when I bought it. Seems fair to me.

I mean, as fair as money can be. Which is not very fair. No matter how much I like my job I still feel enslaved by the concept of money. But what would life be if I had nothing to complain about? Which I imagine is what it's like to be wealthy on old money. A life with nothing to complain about. I'm sure I'd just waste it anyways.

Christmas Countdown!!!

A Pre-New Years Resolution

2008-11-20T20:48:00.002-07:00

Obviously I don't ever stick with my New Year's Resolutions. And who does really? Uh yeah, no one. I mean I'm eating chips right now and I'm fairly certain eating less junk was last years resolution. Oh chips, why you gotta be so tasty?

Okay, that was a lie. I'm not actually eating chips right now. I'm just thinking about buying chips in a vending machine dangerously close to my current position. I just figured I would tell you I was eating chips to make a humorous point. How very small and sad my world is.

So I think weekly posts will be my pre-new years resolution. Perhaps if I start well in advance of the new year I will stick to it!

Is anyone else waiting for 2008 to just be over already? I've been up, I've been down...I'm exhausted. Just be over, please? Hurry up 2009 and get here already.

I mean, the world has changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost....

what? too epic? fair enough.

Reason I love living in Calgary #1: This morning it was -10 with a cold, harsh, biting wind from the north. This evening it was -1 with a lovely gentle westerly breeze. Ahhhhhhhh. Suck on that Edmonton.

A quiz or cement shoes. take your pick.

2008-10-24T23:19:00.007-07:00

I think when Megan punched me that means that I'm supposed to do this quiz. But it's so hard to keep up with the young folk and their techno babble these days. It could also have meant that I was supposed to meet her down at the docks and that I was responsible for bringing the cement shoes.

5 things I was doing 10 years ago:
1. Getting drunk on weeknights, skipping classes, crushing on hipster doofuses. Generally being a second year university student.
2. Working in the paint department of ye olde home improvement store.
3. Rocking the school girl mini, grandpa plaid top, converse sneakers "style".
4. Avoiding picking a major.
5. Choreographing elaborate dances to the musical genius of Aqua, the Spice Girls and the Backstreet Boys. (you got a problem with that?)

5 things on my to do list today:
1. Clean the bathroom.
2. Admire new curtains.
3. Practice piano.
4. Organize bedroom closet.
5. Cook real food for dinner.

5 snacks that I love:
1. yogurt covered raisins
2. Nachos with sour cream
3. Ambrosia or Honey Crisp apples
4. those sweet and salty granola bars
5. ripple chips with dip

5 things I would do if I was a millionaire :
1. Pay off mortgage.
2. Buy a Toyota Prius.
3. Take month-long vacation in Greece.
4. Buy something designer
5. Lose 50 pounds (I'm sure it's easier when you're wealthy...right?)

5 places I've lived:
1. The wee house in Mountview
2. The Crowded House in Dalhousie
3. Bangkok, Oriental setting where the city don't know what the city is getting
4. Chez Chapmaneroniopolous in Bridgeland
5. The new wee house in Tuxedo

5 jobs I've had:
1. Box Office Bitch for local pro theatre company
2. Communications Assistant (i.e. proof this document for me English Speaker!) at education-based NGO in Southeast Asia
3. Box office, communications, office management, a little dash of everything for local theatre company
4. The job for the awful company working for that awful bitch whose name shall not be revealed but ultimately ended a 5 year stint of working in the arts (that's some serious awful)
5. Communications Coordinator for a health services non-profit organization

Highlights and Lowlights

2008-10-04T11:09:00.004-07:00

There is nothing so satisfying as a vacation. But, as with all vacations, there are always ups and downs. And so here you will find a selection of highlights and lowlights of my recent vacation.

Highlights:

1. Disneyland on my birthday! I got to wear a special Happy Birthday button which meant that every Disney employee within a 10 foot radius was required to wish me happy birthday. I thought it would start to irritate me, but it didn't. I even got birthday wishes from 2 of 3 fairy godmothers in the parade!

2. California Screamin. I'm usually just so-so on rollercoasters but this one is awesome. I enjoyed it several times.

3. Photos with characters. Last time we went to Disneyland we had to chase those damn characters down and barely got any pictures. This time I got Micky and Minnie, Mary Poppins, one of the chipmunks, the Beast and Winnie the Pooh!

4. Feeling thin! If you want to feel thin and beautiful, Disney is the place for you! I have never in my life seen so many overweight people in one place. This one could actually go under lowlights as well because it was kind of sad.

5. Outlet Mall shopping. God Bless America and it's conspicuous consumerism. Bath and Bodyworks products to last a lifetime? Bring it on! Three designer (well, if you consider Tommy a "designer") sweaters for under a hundred bucks? Yes please! A satisfying day of shopping indeed!

6. All the Mexican food a girl could want. With the lack of any decent Mexican restaurant in Calgary I was worried that my Mexican palate would be stunted. Thank you San Diego for reawakening my taste buds to the joys of Mexican cuisine.

7. Splash Mountain. Sure we were wet, cold, angry, and had a definite funk to us...but those are memories that last a lifetime.

Lowlights:

1. Random hip pain. How old was I turning again? Surely not old enough to be experiencing random hip pain.

2. L.A. - what a gross, gross city. or perhaps just poorly planned thus stranding us in a gross, gross part of the city. But even the "nice" parts we saw from the bus...not so nice. It is unclear to me why people would choose to live in Beverly Hills.

3. A surprise trip to Lady Mountain.

4. Splash Mountain. Come on! We were wet, cold, and angry. Nobody likes wet panties!! Plus there was that suspicious rash that developed...

Lunch Meetings and Why I Hate Them

2008-08-26T18:53:00.003-07:00

There is nothing I hate more than lunch meetings. Why do I hate lunch meetings? Because they suck. *whine* Lunch time is time for a break. You may even call your lunch "time" your lunch "break". I certainly do.

I'm not a doctor or a lawyer or a CEO or even a VP. Do you know what this means? This means I get a lunch break. Not a lunch where I have to continue being in a meeting. Just because there is food present doesn't mean it's less of a meeting. I'm still meeting. Now I'm just meeting with fries. Which are delicious, I will admit. And my lunch gets paid for. Which is quite nice, I'll admit.

But still, not worth it. I would rather pay $7 for my own shitty sub (and no fries!) made with potentially tainted meats while eating in a grubby uncomfortable booth next to a smelly "residentially challenged" man.

I need a break!! Yes, I had a lunch. But I did not have the aforementioned "break".

*whine*

yes, this is the most interesting thing I have to write about. back off!

Growing Up

2008-08-06T20:06:00.002-07:00

I guess I won't really start hyperventilating until tomorrow. Because we have to fill out a bunch of paperwork before the offer actually goes in. But I have started the process of making the most expensive purchase of my life.

ohmigod.

I'm not sure if I'm ready for this. I'm not sure I'm grown up enough to be a home owner. what if something goes wrong? I can't fix things. Once I pay for the house will I have enough money to pay people to fix things?

ohmigod.

Do I know how to best lay out furniture in a narrow living room? Can I deal with really tall pine trees in my front yard? If I don't like said tall pine trees what do I do about them? Can you make trees go away? Are there tree guys who deal with that shit? Do things grow under pine trees? Can I plant shade plants in pots?

ohmigod.

I'm turning 30.

I think I'll start hyperventilating now.

You Think You Know Someone

2008-08-02T10:55:00.003-07:00

So at book club this week while discussing the immortal genius that is Dave Eggers we sidelined into a disucssion about how well you really know people. Kathleen held the position (to which most agreed) that perhaps you never really know another person. I agreed at the time but was musing over this statement later. And ultimately I decided that it was untrue. Because, I decided, I know my spouse.

And not just in the biblical sense. zing!

But seriously. I know what he likes/doesn't like. I can predict how he'll react to stimulus (and not just in the biblical sense!). I can tell when his mood shifts. I know the activities most likely to draw him out of a funk or draw him deeper into a funk when he really just wants to funk. (and not just...no? I thought the third time might be the charm. ok then.)

Dreams, desires, goals, ambitions, irritants, preferences. Past, present, future. I know this man.

And then he told me he didn't like the song Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison.

So I guess you're right after all Kathleen. You can never really know someone else.

You Know Nothing

2008-07-17T19:30:00.004-07:00

I'm reading A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius (again) for my book club this month. There's this section in his faux Real World interview where he's admitting these things about himself that most people would consider very private or at least too private to reveal to the general public. And when the interviewer questions him he responds with:

"What am I giving you? I am giving you nothing...It seems like you know something, but you still know nothing...You have what I can afford to give. You are a panhandler, begging for anything, and I am the man walking briskly by, tossing a quarter or so into your paper cup. I can afford to give you this. This does not break me."

If I've ever heard a better justification for blogging I can't remember it. There's this tone...this idea...that I can give of myself freely and that you are a fool for thinking that you know something...you know nothing.

And it's not just blogging, it's a lifestyle choice. The choice to lay yourself bare, to live, to allow yourself to do something other than sit on your ass and watch hours of Tivo'd crap, to do something...anything. At the end of it all, don't you want to have something to remember? If you were so careful and so guarded and so fucking boring and if you never made mistakes or did something stupid or revelled in your stupid mistakes...will you have experienced life? Or will you find that you have lived a boring sitcom of a life with a stilted laugh track and banal guest stars?

A List of Things you may or may not know about me (an homage to Meganude)

1. when dining solo, I feel that Kraft Dinner is a well balanced meal
2. I am judging you for wasting your life
3. sometimes I worry that I am wasting my life
4. I feel better about myself when I realize how much more sad your life is than mine
5. I will leave one cookie in the bag so that I don't have to put in the enormous amount of effort required to throw away an empty cookie bag and I do this in spite of the fact that my brother did the same thing throughout our childhood and it drove me completely mad
6. I hog the bed
7. when I find a song I like I will listen to it a dozen times in a row
8. I don't experience regret
9. frankly, I don't even believe in regret
10. I will eat the last piece of cake, even if I've already had more than my share

Balls

2008-06-22T10:40:00.002-07:00

There's a post I want to write and then there's this post that I'm going to write. I choose to interpret the fact that I'm not going to semi-publicly kick someone in the balls as a sign of what a wonderful grown-up lady I'm turning into.

Not that he's not a dick. And not that he doesn't deserve to be kicked in said balls. There. I'm over it.

Speaking of balls...what kind of design work is that? I mean, why don't they just live on the inside? They need to be kept warm and really they just seem to get in the way. Could things not have been rearranged just slighty? Think how much sleeker the package would be without those awkward dangly things down there. And how much more comfortable would it be to ride a bicycle? Or get hit in the crotch with a baseball bat!

Yes, I see your point. Then tv shows that we've all come to take for granted, such as America's Funniest Home Videos (does that show still air?), would never have existed.

But surely that's a sacrifice we could have made to ensure that our menfolk wouldn't have to experience the agony of the accidental ball squish as you climb over them to turn off the alarm in the morning.

Sex and the City anyone?

2008-06-01T14:09:00.002-07:00

I hope you like my new blog title. I'm going for a cross between screamo angst and yuppie sensibilities. Who doesn't love a bonus room in their overpriced suburban townhouse?

Soooooo. Sex and the City anyone? I was so prepared to be disappointed. But instead I was very pleasantly surprised. Even though the ending was the one I swore I would despise no matter what.

But really, any movie where Charlotte York shits her pants and we get a glimpse of wet, soapy cock is a movie I can get behind.

80's outfit montage? Yes, please.

And a movie about 4 women friends with heavy messaging about forgiveness. hmmm.....topical, yes?

New Title

2008-05-24T08:38:00.002-07:00

I need a new title for my blog. My lack of a quality title is reducing my desire to post. Can someone else please do the work for me and suggest a new title? I can promise a nod of recognition and, if you live in Calgary, a batch of chocolate chip cookies if I use your suggestion.

I make really good cookies.

My New Job

2008-05-15T20:24:00.002-07:00

I think the best part of my new job is that I can spend the better part of my lunch hour discussing the merits of various brands of lube with my Executive Director. At first I thought this might fall into a "too much information" category. After living with it for a few weeks I've decided that it's mostly just refreshing to be with people who can take a refreshingly relaxed view on human sexuality.

Also, I have a new gay boyfriend. I love him. I just want to fold him up and carry him around in my pocket. He makes me a bit sadly nostalgic about my old gay boyfriend. He's definitely lacking the flair for drama that I loved so in my last GBF but he makes up for it with his wide-eyed youthful love of everything in his line of vision.

Plus, he also loves movies where people overcome obstacles through dance. We'll be very happy together.

Five Happy Moments

2008-05-05T20:32:00.006-07:00

Oh no. I was doing so well with my weekly Sunday posts. I don't even have a good excuse for not posting. I spent my Sunday doing Sunday activities that clearly could have included a blog post. And to make matters worse? I've logged on to post now without any actual plans on what to say.

I think I'll try to work some positive thinking mojo and share with you five happy moments from my life.

1. Visiting my grandparents in small town Saskatchewan as a child. Particular favorite moments include: visits to the ice cream store with the two kind swirly cone, being dropped off at the air-conditioned library for hours on end, shelling peas with Grandma at the kitchen table.

2. Going to Chiang Mai and area with Mr. Rose. Particular favorite moments include: being chauffeured around to various shops for an entire day, taking a Thai cooking class at a school in a chef's house in the Thai countryside, floating down the river on a bamboo raft.

3. Getting one of two A's in my Strategic Management (really project management) course in the final year of my degree program. Why? Because I rarely put in the effort required to achieve A grades and when I did for once it was nice to be gratified.

4. Saturday night just past. My brother and I were discussing our upcoming trip to Edmonton for a family wedding. Mr. Rose was commenting how nice it was that we were able to go on this road trip together for, you know, sibling bonding and shit. My brother and I locked eyes across the table and both screamed out simultaneously "Meatloaf's Bat Out of Hell". That is the joy of having a sibling. Shared history. In two short weeks the bro and I will be rocking out to Paradise by the Dashboard Light as soon as we hit the city limits.

5. Finally beating the 100 man brawl on Smash Brothers. yeah, that's right.

Busy and Important

2008-04-27T15:30:00.003-07:00

It's been quite a change for me this week. For a couple months I've been a lounging lady of leisure and the switch to busy and important lady with actual tasks to complete has not been easy. I've forgotten that working all day makes you tired. And, furthermore, when you work all day you still have to come home and do things like laundry and volunteer committments. I've forgotten how to fit life maintenance around a work schedule.

For example, I need to get a haircut. But since I have to actually be somewhere all day I can't just go and do that whenever I want to. Crazy, I know. So I'm rolling around with ratty, split ended hair and generally looking like a mess.

I tell you, it's almost not worth it. Think how much easier my life would be if I could just go get my hair cut in the middle of the day! Not to mention the grocery shopping, gym visit, lunch dates, well the list goes on and on.

Now, of course, the downside to not working is that I start to lack funding for my lunching, shopping, and styling outings.

I'm just not sure what the solution is here. I'm in a real catch 22. I think my best bet is to try to change Canada into a communist country. I feel that my general awesomeness would be my contribution to society. And in return I would be supplied with all my needs by the state (you know, the usual stuff: manicures, quarterly hair maintenance, yearly shoe allowance, in addition to food and shelter of course).

I think buying lottery tickets is stupid. But this! This is a real plan.

Who's with me?!?!?!?!